This plan covers 12 themes, one theme per month. If possible, at the beginning of each month commit to doing a positive action over the course of the month. Make a weekly checklist with entries for each day, and each day or at least once a week, check off if you did that action. By making at least one positive change every month, you will transform your life.
Monthly Themes:
January: Physical and Emotional Health
February: Overcoming Addictions
March: Financial Health
April: Spiritual Spring Cleaning
May: Faith
June: Prayer
July: Kindness
August: Avoiding Harming Others
September: Forgiveness
October: Relationships
November: Gratitude
December: Life Assessment
January: Physical and Emotional Health
People’s New Year’s resolution often revolves around enhancing their health. Many of the things that enhance our physical health also enhance our emotional health, e.g., getting enough sleep, eating a wholefoods diet and exercising. Unless we make these three areas a priority, they are likely to fall by the wayside.
Pick one change you will make on a daily or regular basis, for at least this month, and using your checklist, track how often you do it. Some examples: Go to sleep 15-20 minutes earlier each week until you feel refreshed in the morning (if you find it hard to fall asleep, read up on strategies to address that), exercise at least three times a week or go for a daily brisk walk, limit or cut out sugary drinks and foods from your diet. Pick at least one concrete action you will take to enhance your health (or ideally one change for each of the three areas of sleep, exercise and diet) and input it into your checklist.
February: Overcoming Addictions
A spiritual life is a balanced life. In a spiritual life, we enjoy the physical but do not become enslaved to it. This month, consider if there is an area of your life where your relationship with the physical has become unbalanced or a full blown addiction.
The first step to addressing an addiction is to acknowledge that you have one. Any behavior that you would like to curtail or stop and are having difficulty doing so is possibly an addictive behavior. Write down the benefits you get from the behavior as well as the costs. Also write down your life goals and the type of person, spouse or parent you want to be. Now ask yourself, "Is this behavior negatively affecting my ability to achieve my goals?" If yes, is it worth it? If the benefits of the behavior are not worth the possible costs and jeopardizing your life goals, then make a commitment to either stop the behavior or set firm limits (depending on the type of addiction). If an addictive behavior has already started causing harm, consider attending a 12-step group and/or seeing a recommended therapist who specializes in addictions. At the very least, discuss the issue with someone you respect who has life experience and shares your values.
Input into your checklist the behavioral change you will make for at least this month. At the end of the month, choose whether to keep the same commitment for the next month or to modify it.
March: Financial Health
During this month schedule time to go over your finances. Look for ways to spend less, pay back loans and reduce debt. Work towards the goal of paying off your credit cards in full each month. Think of ways you can save money, living below your means.
Here are six ways to have a healthy relationship with money:
1. Be impeccably honest, with business associates, with the IRS, with family, with everyone. When in doubt about what is ethical, ask an unbiased knowledgeable third party to advise you. Return any money that is not legitimately yours. If you cannot do so all at once, come up with a payment plan to pay back the people you owe money to or have financially harmed.
2. Do your utmost not to fight over money. Either come to an amicable agreement or go to a third party to resolve the dispute.
3. Give generously to charity. The more your Father in Heaven has blessed you with resources, the more you should share them with His other children.
4. Live simply and below your means, saving money and investing prudently in a diversified portfolio.
5. Remind yourself that life is not about earning money. Keep your main focus on what is truly important in life. Then you will look back on your life with satisfaction and pride.
6. It is God who decides how much money you will make. Overworking, risky investments or shady dealings will not earn you more money in the long run. Have faith that if you make reasonable efforts, God will give you what you need.
This month, use your checklist to track whatever behavior relating to money that you are working on.
April: Spiritual Spring Cleaning
God created us to live elevated, refined lives. A life in harmony between the body and soul, between the physical and spiritual. The way we live refined lives is by engaging in elevated behaviors, such as prayer, observing the commandments, doing kind deeds, studying spiritual texts and avoiding degrading behavior, such as theft, immorality etc.
This month we focus on enhancing our morality. Our moral standing encompasses many areas: whether one exposes oneself to the lowest behaviors on the internet, whether one exposes oneself in public in the clothing one wears, and the types of behaviors one engages in or refuses to engage in except with one's spouse. Morality is not black or white. Whatever level you are on, work towards moving it up a notch, to act more dignified, more modest, more refined, more godly.
As much as possible avoid temptation, for example: avoid forbidden seclusion or forbidden touching with the opposite sex, install an internet filter, be more discerning of what types of people you date, have concrete red lines you insist your date respects and be careful with substances that impair your judgment.
This month is not only about restraint, it is also about filling your mind and life with godliness and spiritual teachings. If you have not already, make studying the laws and spiritual teachings from the Torah which apply to you part of your week or day. You will find that the more you enhance your morality and elevate your soul, the greater will be your thirst for the spiritual. The opposite is also true.
It is springtime, out with the old and in with the new. Whatever you did in the past is the past. Turn over a new leaf and begin with a fresh start. Make a specific commitment this month, with a concrete behavioral change, to bring more godliness into your life by enhancing your morality and studying spiritual teachings. Put your commitment into your weekly checklist.
May: Faith
Faith is the cornerstone of a meaningful life. If one does not believe that God created us, then life is random and pointless.
Input into your checklist to do the following daily practice to enhance your faith:
Think of a specific challenge and say to yourself: “This is from God for my eternal benefit. Part of fulfilling my life’s purpose is doing what I can to overcome and grow from this challenge. This will work out in the end; either in this world or in the next. God is with me, giving me the strength and courage I need to triumph.”
Ways to strengthen your faith: study spiritual teachings, speak to yourself words of faith in the moment that you experience or think about your difficulties, read Psalms in a language you understand, and speak to God in your native language. Ask God to strengthen your faith in Him and help you overcome your difficulties.
June: Prayer
Prayer is not meant to be reserved just for times of struggle. Make prayer an important part of your day. Do not let a day go by that you have not spoken to your Creator.
Prayer includes both formal prayers, such as those found in the prayer book and in Psalms, to informal prayer where we speak to God, preferably out loud in a private place, in our native language. Input into your checklist to read daily from Psalms and/or speak to God in your native language.
For Psalms, find a translation that resonates with you. One option among others is Psalms That Speak To You by Ytizchok Leib Bell. It is available in two formats, one with an interlinear translation, one without. You can read one Psalm a day (or less if the Psalm is a longer one). There is also a monthly cycle where you finish Psalms monthly. The key is not quantity, it is quality, to say the Psalms with understanding and preferably feeling.
July: Kindness
You want to achieve greatness?
Make a difference in people’s lives.
A person who focuses solely on themselves and their family, but does not think about how they can benefit others, will not reach even a fraction of their potential.
The rabbis teach in Ethics of the Fathers (1:2) that the world stands on three things: Torah, prayer and acts of kindness. We each need to do our share to help sustain the world by studying spiritual teachings, praying and doing acts of kindness.
There are two types of people: takers, where self-interest is the driving force of their life, and givers, people who look for opportunities to be of service to others. Which type are you?
Starting today, make sure you are among the givers. Each day, check off if you did an act of kindness, e.g., give someone a compliment, encouragement, give to charity, help someone find a job, a date, or call someone up who may be feeling lonely or down.
August: Avoiding Harming Others
Make sure to only be a force of goodness in people’s lives. No one is perfect though, and we are likely going to hurt people, often unwittingly. The key is to catch ourselves as soon as we realize that we have mistreated or offended someone, and to apologize and make amends if applicable.
The most common ways people harm others is financially or emotionally. Financial harm was addressed in March, but if there is anyone who you have harmed financially and you have not yet made amends, now is the time to do so.
There are a number of ways we may have caused others emotional harm: name calling, making hurtful comments, gossiping about them, yelling at them or being hypercritical. Being well intentioned is not an excuse.
This month, compile a list of those you have hurt. One by one, go through the list and apologize and make amends if applicable. If you have trouble with one name, skip it for now and come back to it later.
Each day check off if you were careful not to harm anyone (or if you harmed someone, you made sure to apologize).
September: Forgiveness
Last month you asked others for forgiveness. You now know how difficult it is to apologize. You had the courage to do so last month. This month we will explore the healing power of forgiveness. How it can bring healing into your life when you forgive others and yourself.
One of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s transformative teachings can help us forgive. He taught us to focus on the good in ourselves and others (Likutey Moharan I, 282). A complementary practice is to realize that we all have difficulties (and often a painful upbringing) and to feel compassion for our own challenges and for those of others.
Input into your checklist to look each day for the good in yourself and others, and to feel compassion for the struggles we all face (when you find yourself focusing on faults, shift gears to good qualities). Then, you will be more forgiving and loving toward yourself and others.
Make a list of those who wronged you. Go through the list and see if you want to forgive any of them or at least reduce some of the bitterness you feel. If you do but you are not sure how, see my article on my site, “The Freedom of Forgiveness: 3 Strategies to Letting Go.”
October: Enhancing our Relationships
In previous months we focused on doing acts of kindness, complimenting others, not harming them (including not being hypercritical), asking for forgiveness, focusing on people’s good qualities and forgiving others. In November we will focus on expressing appreciation. All these practices set the foundation for healthy relationships. Which one is your weak link? Choose this month one behavioral change you will put in your checklist to improve in that area.
Make a list of your key family, work and social relationships. Write one of the following letters next to each name. N for neutral, no action needed. S for strengthen, B for setting better boundaries and D for distancing yourself from that relationship, or at times making a clean break. Also spend time thinking about where you can meet new people to build new healthy relationships (or think of people from the past with whom you can reconnect).
Input into your checklist the following practice or a related one: At least once a week, schedule one-on-one time with someone in your life to strengthen that relationship; silence your cell and give him or her your undivided attention. Each day, even for a few minutes, talk to a friend or family member to share with each other how the day went. Social support is very important for our emotional and physical health; do not neglect it.
Relationships can be complicated. Read up this month on the type of relationship you are currently struggling with (including relating and being helpful to our parents and siblings). Here are links to Aish.com articles on specific relationships:
Dating
Marriage
Parenting
November: Gratitude
Each day this month, spend time feeling grateful for the blessings your Creator has given you. Thank Him for His many gifts, for the bright side/silver lining of your difficulties, and for signs of His help amidst your challenges.
In addition, express your appreciation to others. You can do this in person, on the phone, via an email or text, or with a written note. You can express appreciation for the help you received recently or for help you received in the past that was not properly acknowledged.
Related to gratitude is the practice of savoring and reveling in the good God has given us. During the day, savor your blessings: whether it is comfortable clothing and shoes, the ability to purchase things you want, sights of nature, tasty food, etc.
Input into your checklist the daily practice of expressing gratitude to God (preferably in a gratitude diary) and to those who help you during the day, as well as mindfully savoring your blessings (at least one a day).
December: Life Assessment
Look back at the year and think about your achievements and the challenges you overcame. Complement yourself; there is a lot that you have accomplished this year under challenging circumstances.
What do you want to accomplish in the coming year?
Schedule into your calendar or weekly checklist the activities that are most important to you and that will help you achieve your goals. The more time you spend on productive, meaningful activities, the closer you will come to living your best life.
This coming year, leave your comfort zone and take judicious risks in pursuit of your goals and of living your values. There are so many opportunities out there to enhance your life and the lives of others. With a prayer on your lips, go get 'em!
(For a discussion on observances and holidays which are essential to living a meaningful Jewish life, see my free e-book, Tapping Into the Power of the Jewish Holidays and Observances.)
