Saturday, December 12, 2020

Abraham + Isaac + Jacob = You

Dear Friends,

This is a follow up article to last week's post:

Abraham + Isaac + Jacob = You

Have a great week and Happy Chanukah!


Saturday, November 21, 2020

The Spirituality of Money

Everything in this world can either be used for good or evil; the choice is ours. The Torah, our Creator’s instruction manual for life, teaches us how to elevate and infuse spirituality into every aspect of our lives, including monetary matters.

The Torah teaches us (Deuteronomy 6:5), “You shall love Hashem, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your possessions.” Many profess to love God. But is their love for God greater than their love for their possessions and money? Are they willing to follow God’s laws of honesty and ethics, even if it means passing on a lucrative business deal or returning ill-gotten gains?

Life is a series of tests, opportunities to choose between good and evil. One area where we will be tested is monetary matters. Just being on the lookout for your personal test will help you pass with flying colors. Those who fail their test often do so because they separate and compartmentalize money matters from spirituality. They see no contradiction between praying to God for mercy in the morning and in the afternoon, swindling their business partner. But God does not compartmentalize. The laws of business ethics are explicit in the Torah. In addition, the prohibition of stealing is both one of the Ten Commandments and one of the Seven Noahide laws which applies to all humanity.

The Talmud teaches that a person reveals his true character in three ways, “In his cup, his pocket and in his anger (Eruvin 65a).” People reveal their innermost feelings and attitudes when they are drunk, with matters relating to money and when they are angry.

What does money reveal about us?

The strength of our faith.

Money tests our faith, both during difficult times and in one’s quest to increase one’s assets.

Many have their identity tethered to their career. But what happens if they lose their job? They then question their whole identity. We must remind ourselves that we are much more than our careers. How we will be remembered is how we conducted ourselves, not the number of zeros in our bank account. In addition, God did not create us to make money; He created us to live meaningful lives. A poor person can live just as meaningful a life as a wealthy one.

At the same time, it is certainly painful being out of work. During those times, we must not lose sight of what is going right in our lives and to appreciate those blessings. Put in reasonable efforts to find a job (or turn around a challenging financial situation), pray, and have faith that God is with you during your time of need. He will help you, at the right time and in the right way. During this difficult time and especially after God helps you, do what you can to help others. See, “How to Overcome Your Challenges: 10 Ways” and “Three Keys to Success: Persistence, Advice and Prayer.”

While you do your best and wait patiently for God to help you during a time of financial difficulty, do not be jealous of those who are affluent. Wealth is a challenging test. If a person fails the test by not giving sufficiently to charity, being unethical, or allowing their affluence to distract them from what is truly important in life, they would have been better off without their wealth. Unless they repent, God will hold them accountable for misusing the blessing He gave them.

Wealth is such a formidable challenge that Proverbs writes (30:8), "...Do not give me poverty or wealth, but allot me my daily bread." Affluence can certainly be a blessing, but it comes with a big responsibility, one we should not be jealous of.

In people’s quest to increase their assets, some unfortunately turn to dishonest behavior. Yet, those with strong faith that God runs the world, realize that cheating others will not create lasting wealth. Countless people lost their wealth due to fraudulent behavior and spent their last days in shame. As the Prophet Jeremiah said (17:11), “...One who amasses wealth unjustly, in half his days he will leave it, and he will be a degenerate in his end.”

Some people fool themselves into thinking that what they are doing is correct and honest. Yet, if they truly believed that God would hold them accountable for sinful behavior, they would not take a chance by engaging in what is possibly forbidden. Instead, they would find out definitively what is permitted. They may be shocked to discover that what they considered just “aggressive business tactics” was strictly forbidden. Examples of behaviors forbidden by Jewish law include taking or damaging what is not ours, borrowing without permission, being late in agreed upon payments (when we are able to pay), withholding, even temporarily, monies belonging to others, or pressuring people to sell.

Those with strong faith will be generous with others and not think that they need to engage in forbidden behaviors to get ahead. Financial success comes from God. If you are affluent, humbly realize that there are many people who are smarter and work harder than you, yet are not wealthy. Why? Because it is God who decides who will be wealthy, not us.

Being charitable and following God’s laws will not take away from the blessing that God wants to give us. The opposite is true: generosity and honesty will lead to increased blessing, while stinginess and dishonesty will detract from that which one was destined to receive.

Those who selfishly hoard their money or are careless with God’s monetary laws, demonstrate weak faith.

Money talks. What is it saying about your faith in God?

Is there someone you have taken advantage of or been unfair to? Perhaps someone with whom you were not completely honest and ethical?

When will you reach out to them to make things right and ask for their forgiveness?

Asking God to forgive one’s monetary transgressions is insufficient. God does not forgive sins against another, unless the wronged party is appeased.

Running after money

It is tragic that some people spend their whole lives chasing after money; when they die, what value is their money to them?

What truly matters is how we conducted ourselves. Were we honest? Were we charitable? Did we spend time daily on prayer, Torah study and mitzvot, or did we let our career and pursuit of money define us?

Rabbi Bachya ibn Pekuda in his classic, Duties of The Heart, lists thirty ways to do introspection (third chapter of the Eighth Treatise on Examining the Soul). In the twelfth way, he discusses the following truth: People often spend an inordinate amount of time and energy on the pursuit of money, when at the end of the day, they may have little to show for it. At the same time, they often neglect the needs of their soul, where any effort toward elevating their soul would have yielded eternal reward. An English translation of this inspiring section is available here.

Those who make amassing money their primary focus often fall prey to a variety of tragic errors. One is fighting over money. There are people who refuse to compromise and would rather spend their money, health and happiness fighting in court. For what? What could possibly be worth their health and happiness?

Often, the only ones who win are the lawyers, while the clients are left with stress-related ailments and legal bills. See, “Conflict Resolution: How to Win the Battle for Peace.”

Another error is when people spend their lives consumed with building an inheritance for their children. But what do their children spend their lives doing? The same thing. When will the cycle ever end? What is the point of spending one’s life accumulating an inheritance to leave one’s children if the only thing they will accomplish is to leave an inheritance themselves?

Money is a means to something of value, not an end to itself. A life spent solely on accumulating money, is a life wasted.

People who sacrifice their lives so that they can leave money for their grandchildren, ironically, often do more harm than good; whether it is by stifling the initiative of their grandchildren, or giving them money they are ill-equipped to use wisely. (There is nothing wrong with leaving one’s grandchildren an inheritance, if done in a manner that is beneficial to them.)

Money is like fire; it can be used to build or destroy. When people let money take over their lives and their value system, they have not only wasted their lives, they have left destruction in their wake. But if we stay in control, making a decision to be ethical at all costs and using God's blessing of abundance wisely, that blessing will benefit us, our families and those in need.

Here are five ways to have a healthy relationship with money:

1. Be impeccably honest. When in doubt, ask a rabbi knowledgeable in monetary law to advise you.

2. Do your utmost not to fight over money. If you cannot come to an amicable agreement, go for mediation or arbitration, e.g., a rabbi or a Bet Din, Jewish court.

3. Give generously to charity. The more your Father in Heaven has blessed you with resources, the more you should share them with His other children.

4. Live simply and below your means, saving money and investing prudently.

5. Remind yourself often that life is not about making money. Keep your main focus on what is truly important in life. Then you will look back on your life with satisfaction and pride.

Money tests and challenges us like no other.

Will you rise to the challenge?

Saturday, November 14, 2020

Kislev: Gratitude

Dear Friends,

This post is about the Jewish month of Kislev as it relates to The Chazak Plan: A 12 Month Journey to Spiritual Strength.

Rosh Chodesh Kislev begins Monday night, the 16th of November and lasts for one day.

During this month we celebrate the festival of Chanukah, which commemorates the miracle of the oil, the victory of the Maccabees over the Greeks and the rededication of the Second Temple. A key message of the festival is expressing gratitude to God for the miracles He performs for us.

Each day, preferably at the beginning of the day, spend time feeling grateful for the blessings your Creator gave you. Thank Him for His many gifts, for the bright side/silver lining of your difficulties, and for signs of His help amidst your challenges. Consider inputting this daily practice of expressing gratitude into your checklist.

In addition, express your appreciation to others. You can do this in person, on the phone, via an email or text, or with a written note.

Questions for the month:
“What is something I am very grateful to God for? What can I say to Him to express my appreciation?”

“Who is someone who has helped me? How can I express my appreciation?”

Take care and may God grant us success in the coming month,


Saturday, October 24, 2020

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Cheshvan: Prayer

Dear Friends,

This post is about the Jewish month of Cheshvan as it relates to The Chazak Plan: A 12 Month Journey to Spiritual Strength.

Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan begins Motzai Shabbat, Sunday night, the 17th of October and lasts for two days.

On the 7th of Cheshvan, in Israel, prayers for rain begin. For this month, focus on enhancing your prayers. You can pick a section of the prayers to say daily with understanding and input this into your checklist. In addition or instead, you can recite daily one Psalm with understanding (longer Psalms can be read over two to three days).

One type of prayer, popularized by Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, is called Hitbodedut; this is where we talk out loud to God in our native language, unburdening ourselves to Him. Try this daily practice for at least a week, preferably a month. See if it helps you feel closer to God and to feeling His support and guidance.

Even while we pray for help in specific areas of our lives, we surrender to God, acknowledging that only He knows what is truly best for us.

Questions for the month:

“Which section of the prayers will I focus on saying this month with understanding? Or, what can I do to enhance my prayers?”

“What issues are weighing on my mind that I can informally speak to God about?”

Article for the month:
How to Unlock the Hidden Power of Prayer

Take care and may God grant us success in the coming month,


Saturday, September 26, 2020

Saturday, September 12, 2020

You: As God Intended

 Dear Friends, 

This Friday night, September 18th, begins Rosh Hashanah. 

You: As God Intended

Have a Shana Tova!


Saturday, August 29, 2020

The 7 Noahide Laws: Elevating the Human Being

According to Judaism, everyone, Jew and Gentile can earn a place in Heaven. A person does not need to convert to Judaism to lead a meaningful and spiritual life. In fact, Judaism discourages conversions. People are encouraged to serve God the way He made them: A Jew as a Jew, a Gentile as a Gentile. (If someone decides on their own to join the Jewish people and observe all the commandments, they are allowed to convert.) 

Every human being has a soul, a piece of Godliness within them. We are categorically different from animals, who do not have souls; we therefore must live very different lives. Animals live based on instinct; they kill, steal and mate at will. There are no rules or justice. Like animals, God gave us instincts and drives, but He also gave us a soul and free will; the ability to use our intellect to override our instincts. 

According to Jewish tradition, every Jewish soul was present at Mount Sinai. There, in order to forge a special bond with God, they made a commitment to follow His Torah, the 613 commandments. By following the Torah, they would lead exemplary lives and be, “...A light unto the nations (Isaiah 42:6).” 

Gentiles however, were not at Mount Sinai. They are only required to observe the 7 Noahide laws which God gave to Noah and his descendants. When a Gentile observes the 7 Noahide laws because God directed them to do so and not just because the laws make sense, they earn a place in Heaven.

Each Noahide law elevates a person above their animal instincts, and strengthens their soul’s connection to God. When someone observes the 7 Noahide laws, their actions proclaim: “I am not a slave to my instincts. I have a Creator and I follow His will and guidelines.”

The 7 Noahide Laws are:

1. Do not worship false gods. 

2. Do not curse God. 

3. Do not murder. 

4. Do not engage in forbidden relations. 

5. Do not steal. 

6. Establish courts and enforce justice. 

7. Do not eat a limb from a live animal.  

God gave these laws to humanity so that we can have a productive and peaceful society. Imagine how blissful life would be if everyone observed the 7 Noahide laws. Problems begin when people act like animals. The more we reclaim our Divine origins, the more godly our lives will become. 

Each of the 7 Noahide laws relates to a general category of conduct. For example, the commandment, “Do not worship false gods” includes belief in God and praying to Him. Also included in the 7 Noahide laws are general upright behavior such as being charitable and kind. In fact, the Prophet Ezekiel said about the Gentile city of Sodom which God destroyed, “Behold, this was the sin of your sister Sodom: Arrogance. She and her daughters had plenty of bread and peaceful serenity; yet she did not strengthen the poor and the needy (Ezekiel 16:49).” 

To help make the 7 Noahide laws part of your daily life, focus on the following three areas:

1. Do your best to stay away from forbidden relationships and be scrupulously honest when dealing with other people’s money (the two laws which most people struggle with). 

2. Strengthen your belief and gratitude to God, through daily prayer and reading spiritual texts and teachings. 

3. Look for daily opportunities to be charitable and kind and avoid anything which causes others physical, emotional or financial harm. 

When we look at the 7 Noahide laws, we see the type of life God envisioned when He created humanity. Lives of morality and ethics. Lives of spirituality and thoughtfulness for all of God’s creations. Lives suffused with belief in God and gratitude to Him. Lives of humility and kindness. Lives where justice and peace prevail for all. 

When the Messiah comes, he will usher in such a world, uplifting all of us, Jews and Gentiles. A time when, “...I will transform the peoples to a pure speech, so that they all call out in the name of God, to worship Him with one purpose (Zephaniah 3:9).” Then,  “…The earth will be full of the knowledge of God, as the waters cover the sea (Isaiah 11:9).”

There are a number of resources to learn more about the 7 Noahide Laws. Two websites among others are: and

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

The FAR Plan: A Three Prong Approach to Emotional Health

When was the last time you felt really good, happy and content?

Many of us experience periods of low mood, anxiety, or irritability. How can we deal with these emotions and bring more peace and joy into our lives?

You do not need to do all the suggestions in this article. Many times, all that is needed is a few changes to our behavior or mindset. The FAR plan is for those experiencing mild to moderate emotional distress. If you are in moderate to severe distress, see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist. While under their care, you can then proceed with the FAR plan if you choose. (If at any point you feel like you might harm yourself, call 911, go to an emergency room or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.)

For a free depression assessment test, click here. The one for anxiety is available here.

Below are tools broken down into three areas which form the FAR (Fortify, Allow and Release) plan for emotional health. Our default state is one of calm contentment. A depressed or anxious state is unnatural and often a sign that we need to strengthen an area of our lives. In the first area, fortify, we focus on fortifying our body, behavior and environment, laying the foundation for optimal mental health. In the second area, allow, we focus on being in the moment, whether the moment is bitter or blessed. So often our mind is stuck either in the past or the future. By allowing ourselves to be in the present moment we enhance our emotional health. In the last area, release, we focus on letting go of stress and tension. Stress and emotional pain are a normal part of life. Problems start when we hold on to those feelings. Finding healthy ways to let go of those feelings allows us to maintain our emotional equilibrium.


1. Get adequate sleep. If you do not feel rested, you are more prone to anxiety and depression. If you are not sleeping enough, try going to sleep 15-20 minutes earlier each week until you feel refreshed in the morning. If you have trouble sleeping, consider the following tips:

Soon after getting up, go outside and get some sunlight, preferably in nature. If you can go for a brisk walk, jog, bike or run, even better. While bright light in the morning helps set our circadian rhythm, bright light at night disrupts it. An hour before going to sleep, stop looking at screens which give off blue light and can keep you awake. Consider installing software to filter out blue light in the evening. Some benefit from wearing blue light blocking glasses 1-2 hours before bed. In addition, engage in relaxing activities, such as journaling, meditation, light reading (not engrossing), or listening to relaxing music. Aromatherapy, where you smell different calming essential oils, either in a bottle or from a diffuser/humidifier can also help you wind down. Cool down the temperature of the bedroom before bed. If after 20-30 minutes of lying in bed, you do not fall asleep, get up and go back to engaging in the relaxing activities described above until you feel tired and then go back to bed.

Keep to a set sleep/wake schedule, especially making sure to wake up the same time each day even if you did not sleep well the night before. If you need to nap, keep it short and early in the day. If internet use is holding you back from going to sleep on time, install software to shut down the internet at a set time.

Magnesium, calming teas or capsules of chamomile, holy basil/Tulsi, valerian or herbal mixes specifically for sleep can be helpful. If that’s not enough, you can try melatonin, either time release or regular release, at the lowest dose that is effective for you, preferably short term. (Talk to your doctor before combining supplements and medication). More information on melatonin and valerian can be found here.

2. Eat healthy. Foods affect our moods. According to one study, eating a whole foods diet (vegetables, fruit, meat, fish, and whole grains) resulted in a 30% risk reduction for depression and anxiety compared to a typical western diet (processed or fried foods, refined grains, sugary products, and beer).

A widely recommended research based diet is the Mediterranean Diet, which emphasizes vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans, nuts, seeds and olive oil, along with moderate amounts of dairy, fish, poultry, eggs, and a limited amount of red meat (avoid sugar, white flour and highly processed foods except at special occasions). An important part of a healthy diet is drinking mostly water. If you do not like the taste of your water, try a filter.

Some people are sensitive to specific foods which negatively affect their mood. If you are interested in exploring this area, consider doing an elimination diet to determine if you have food sensitivities; the most common ones are gluten and dairy. Articles or books explain how to do an elimination diet.

3. Exercise. The Mayo Clinic recommends exercising three to five times a week for thirty minutes or more, for mood enhancing effects. One study found that brisk walking for 20 minutes daily, for six weeks, enhanced people’s mood. The American Heart Association recommends at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise or 75 minutes of vigorous exercise per week. If you exercise for 30 minutes 5 days a week, you will reach the recommended 150 weekly minutes. Include in your exercise routine both aerobic exercise and strength training (lifting weights and core strengthening exercises).According to recent research, more intense aerobic exercise was more effective at reducing anxiety than less intense. So if it is safe for you to do so, get a vigorous workout or do High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) where you vary the intensity. Exercising in a natural setting and/or in sunlight has added mood enhancing effects. If you have an exercise partner, you will also gain social benefits and increased motivation to stick to your routine. At least once a week, see if you can do a morning brisk walk or jog with someone in the park. For an article on how for some people exercise works as well as an antidepressant, see here.

If you are in a better mood when in sunlight or during the summer months, consider using a lightbox. For more on light therapy and other tools to enhance mood, see TLC Elements.

4. Meditate. Throughout the day the mind is busy jumping from one thought to another. Take a moment to quiet the mind and be present. Meditation can help us do this. Good times to meditate are in the morning, lunch time, after work, or before going to sleep. There are different meditation techniques. You may want to start with a basic breathing meditation. Breathing slowly and easily, mentally count after each exhalation, starting from one and going up to ten and then back to one. Alternatively, focus on the sensation of the breath as the cool air enters your nostrils and the warm air exits. Another option is to think calming phrases on the inhale and exhale, e.g., on the inhale, “I am” and on the exhale, “letting go” or “at peace” etc. When you notice your mind has wandered, which it will, gently bring your focus back to the breath. Calmly keep doing this again and again. Some find listening to a guided meditation helpful in the beginning. It can take time to train the mind to quiet down and to feel the relaxed feeling that meditation can bring.

5. Assess your environment. Assess your job, school, relationships and living environment. Are any of them major contributors to your low mood or anxiety? If yes, speak to someone wise, with life experience or a recommended therapist to help you formulate a plan to address that area. One issue often related to jobs is finances. Being in debt, out of work, or living paycheck to paycheck can be an emotional strain. Speak to someone knowledgeable who can help you make a plan to reduce your debt, live within a budget and get career guidance. In terms of your living environment, is it cluttered? If it is, you may be surprised how much calmer and more relaxed you feel once you declutter. You may find it easier to have someone declutter it with or for you.

6. Set meaningful goals. Many struggle with a lack of meaning in their life which worsens their emotional health. When we feel that we are working toward something of value we enhance our emotional health. Choose and write down a goal, something significant and worthwhile to strive for. Perhaps it is learning a new skill or hobby, advancing your career, spiritual or personal development, or doing something for your community. Break your goal down to mini goals and choose mini rewards to give yourself along the way. At least once a week, engage in an activity which brings you closer to your goal.

According to Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, “Find a happy person and you will find a project.” What’s your project? What gives you meaning? How can you do those activities more often?

(Click on the title of Dr. Lyubomirsky’s book for a listing of, “Happiness-Enhancing Strategies.”)

7. Be of service to others. Each day, or at least once a week, do something for someone else. It could be as simple as giving a sincere compliment, a charitable donation - even a token amount, or calling someone to see how they are doing, volunteering for an organization, visiting the sick or elderly, shopping for them or some other form of kindness.

Research shows that giving to others enhances our health and happiness; it even increases our longevity. Look for ways to share your time, talents and resources. Helping others reminds us that there are those who are less fortunate. When we help others, it takes our mind off our difficulties and reminds us that we can engage in meaningful activities and make a difference in people’s lives even while saddled with our own challenges.

8. Strengthen your faith. Faith helps us deal with challenges and not try to run away from our difficulties. Do the following thought experiment. Bring to mind a specific challenge. Imagine you believe the following with absolute certainty: This challenge comes from God for your eternal benefit. Part of your life’s purpose is doing what you can to overcome and grow from this challenge. No matter how bleak things look now, they will work out in the end; either in this world or in the next. God is with you at all times, giving you the strength and courage you need to triumph.

If you held those beliefs with absolute certainty how would you feel about the challenge?

Likely you would feel calmer, more optimistic and better able to handle the challenge. This illustrates the power of faith to help us overcome our struggles.

To draw strength from your faith, it needs to be deeper than a superficial belief; it needs to travel from the head to the heart; to be deeply felt within you. This can be achieved through effort and is a lifelong journey. To begin, study spiritual teachings, speak to yourself words of faith, read Psalms in a language you understand, and speak to God in your native language. Ask God to strengthen your faith in Him and help you overcome your difficulties. See “How to Build Unshakable Faith.”

9. Be Grateful.
 According to research, being grateful increases our happiness. Each day write down a few things you are grateful for and why. You can also begin your day expressing appreciation to God for at least one blessing in your life, preferably out loud and in your native language; elaborate on how you have benefited from this blessing.

Each day, make a conscious decision to focus on and be grateful for what goes right, the blessings inherent in every day and the bright side of difficulties. Express appreciation for the help others give you.

In addition to appreciating what God and others have done for you, appreciate yourself. Focus on and take delight in your positive qualities; praise yourself for your achievements, good deeds and the challenges you have overcome. Also look for and praise the good you see in others.

At the root of a low mood is often a mindset of minimizing the good in our lives and maximizing the bitter (the things we have that we wish we didn’t and the things we do not have that we wish we did). To feel happier, do the opposite: Maximize what you have and what is going right and minimize what you do not yet have and what is difficult. (Minimizing difficulties means not blowing them out of proportion but still addressing them as appropriate.)

The next time you are in a low mood, ask yourself, “What bitter aspect of my life am I over focusing on? What blessed aspect am I ignoring?” Then switch focus; think about how the bitterness in your life is really manageable, and how the blessings in your life are really amazing.

While focusing on the positive, look for the humor in life. Throughout the day, remind yourself to smile, even if only a slight one; this will help you cultivate an inner sense of lightness and joy.

10. Savor. Savoring is related to being grateful, as they both focus on the positive in our lives. Savoring means that in addition to appreciating a positive experience, we revel and savor it. We are mindful and present during the experience, fully feeling the positive emotions that come with it. We have pleasant and positive experiences every day. Usually though, we are too busy focusing on the negative or just distracted to really enjoy the experience. Young children naturally savor and revel in positive experiences. The next time you have a positive experience, for example eating a delicious meal, savor it. Put away your phone or computer. Just focus on the experience. Include focusing on any pleasant company or surroundings. Make a mental note to imprint this experience in your memory bank so that you can recall it and experience those positive feelings in the future. During the day, ask yourself, “What can I savor?” tune into the experience and use all your senses to be in the moment. 


1. Accept. Gratitude and savoring works well when we focus on the positive aspects of our lives, but what about the painful ones? For those we need acceptance. Just like there are three forms of appreciation – appreciating what God and others do for you and appreciating yourself – there are three forms of acceptance, accepting the challenges God gives you, accepting others and accepting yourself. When you find yourself in a low mood, ask, “What am I resisting? Can I be more accepting of that? What aspect of my life can I be more grateful for?”

For discussions on acceptance, see, “3-Dimensional Acceptance: A Pathway to Peace and Power,” “Discover Your Inner Peace,” “Surrendering to God: 3 steps to transcend your ego,” and, “Adversity + Humility + Acceptance = Transcendence.”

2. Have compassion for yourself. There is a growing awareness of the importance of self-compassion, being kind to oneself, with books and websites devoted to the topic. Self-compassion flows naturally from self-acceptance; once we accept ourselves the way we are, we can be kind and loving to ourselves.

Ever notice that people may hate themselves because of a weakness they have, yet when they are dealing with others who have the very same weakness, especially children, they feel no hatred, only tenderness and compassion? Why is that?

Because when dealing with others, we are better able to see the overall picture and not just focus on the weakness. When we look at the child, we are able to see the innocence, the inherent goodness the child possesses, and their struggle to overcome difficulties, which are no fault of their own.

Although our bodies age, the child inside of us remains. Never shame or insult that child. The next time you are about to berate yourself over a perceived flaw or failure, instead, bring to mind your many struggles and feel tenderness and compassion for yourself. Talk to yourself soothing words of support and encouragement. Show yourself the same kindness, warmth and care you would show a child who is going through a tough time.

When you need to give yourself constructive criticism, do so lovingly and respectfully, after all, you are speaking to one of God’s children. Do not dwell on the past mistake, instead, focus on encouraging yourself to do better in the future.

In addition to extending compassion to yourself, tap into the compassion God gives you. He is constantly supporting you (Song of Songs 2:6), “His left hand is under my head and His right arm embraces me.” God tells you (Isaiah 66:13), “As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you…” Pray to Him to send you comfort and strength. Then imagine waves of these feelings washing over you.

When you feel emotional distress, think while slowly breathing in, “God is with me,” and while slowly breathing out, “God is soothing and comforting me.”

After feeling Divine compassion, see if you can feel a sense of oneness with God. As Moses taught us (Deuteronomy 4:35), “…There is nothing beside Him.” In this state, there is no separate self receiving compassion from God. Instead, there is only compassion; there is only God.

3. Love yourself. After accepting the parts of yourself that you do not like and having compassion for your struggles, learn to love yourself! There is so much good within you! People often focus on what they don’t like about themselves. Instead focus on your good qualities. Make a list of your abilities, the struggles you have overcome, the tough choices you made and the good deeds you did. When you find yourself dwelling on something you don’t like about yourself, try to be a little more accepting of the flaw and give yourself some self-compassion that you have this struggle. Then switch focus to the things and aspects of yourself that you downright love! (Consult the sheet you made with your good qualities). For more details, see: “How to Stop Hating and Start Loving Yourself.”


1. Forgive. Many of us are carrying a heavy burden of anger and resentment toward others and ourselves. This only hurts us. Decide that enough is enough! You are not going to continue carrying this heavy load anymore. You are going to release and let go of the emotional pain of the past. This may not happen automatically but the first step is being willing to let go. Then whether you want to fully forgive the person or just let go of the hurt as best you can depends on the situation. For more details, see: “The Freedom of Forgiveness: 3 Strategies to Letting Go” and “Discover Your Inner Peace.”

2. Connect with others. Social connection and support is crucial for our emotional health. Have family members, mentors and/or friends whom you talk to on a regular basis, enjoying their company and sharing your struggles with them. Sometimes, you need to vent, other times, you want advice or encouragement; let them know what you want. Many people have a set schedule of either daily or weekly heart-to-heart talks with a friend or family member. Look for one or more people to set that up with. An underutilized resource for social support is senior citizens. Many of them are good listeners with wise input.

3. Who’s your mentor? Life can be very challenging. The Talmud says (Berachot 5b), “A prisoner cannot free himself from prison.” Along those lines, Einstein is quoted as saying, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.” One of the biggest mistakes people make with mood disorders or with any challenge, is trying to solve it on their own. We need to humbly acknowledge that we will benefit from asking someone wise, with life experience, for help enhancing our moods (or dealing with any life challenge). If you have difficulty finding someone to advise you, try seeing a recommended therapist.

4. Walk in nature. Going for a walk in a park or a hike on a regular basis, preferably with a friend but even alone is a great way to destress. Walking along rivers, lakes or oceans may have added benefits.

5. Journal. Journaling about emotionally charged issues from the past and present, is a great way to let go of tension. You can also journal about things you are grateful for, tapping into the power of gratitude.

6. Tap into your creativity. Many find creative pursuits, such as drawing, singing, playing an instrument, gardening, engaging in a hobby etc. to be very helpful in reducing stress.

7. Dance. Music can boost our moods and dancing to upbeat music is even more powerful. Listen regularly to upbeat music, especially in the morning to set the tone for the day (if it’s inspirational music, even better). Some find it helpful during the day or to destress to listen to classical music, such as the music of Haydn, Mozart or Beethoven. One method that some therapists recommend to release pent up emotions and even mild trauma is to do the following: turn on some energizing music and shake your body, just let every part of your body shake and let go of the tension it is holding inside. After doing that for a few minutes you can either take some calming breaths and get on with your day or you can do a mini dance session, dancing to the music and then take some calming breaths at the end. Dancing to music can be very cathartic and feel great. You might want to do this on a regular basis. Just be careful to dance in a safe manner, as it’s easy to overdo it. 

8. Let go of addictive behavior. Addictive behavior can negatively impact our mood in a number of ways. We may feel badly about ourselves because we engage in those behaviors. In addition, those behaviors can take up valuable time and keep us from taking care of ourselves and being productive. They can also cause harm in their own right. For how to address addictions, see, “Overcoming Our Soft Addictions.”

9. Pray. Daily engage in both formal prayer, including reciting psalms in a language you understand and informal prayer. This is where you talk out loud to God in your native language. Thank Him for His blessings, pour out your heart to Him about your challenges and ask for His help. Let go and let God. 

The following FAR checklist is to help you pinpoint which areas to work on. Do not feel overwhelmed if you realize you need to work on many areas. Just a few positive changes may be all you need to tip the scales to a calmer and happier state of mind.

The FAR Checklist:

Do I feel refreshed when I get up in the morning or am I not getting enough quality sleep?

Do I eat a Mediterranean style diet, focusing on whole foods and limiting sugars and refined grains?

Do I exercise at least 3 times a week? Do I do both aerobic exercise and also strengthening exercises?

Do I meditate or engage in another relaxing activity to quiet the mind?

Do I feel better during the summer months or when out in the sunshine? If yes, have I done a trial to see if light therapy is beneficial to me (either natural sunlight or a lightbox)?

Is there an issue weighing on me or an area I feel stuck in my life? Is my school, job, finances, relationships or living environment playing a major role in my anxiety or depression? If yes, who can I speak to to address that?

Do I have an activity I’m involved in that gives me a sense of achievement, meaning or purpose?

Do I do acts of kindness on a regular basis?

Do I remind myself daily that my challenges come from God for my benefit and that with His help I will overcome?

Do I think daily about at least one of my blessings and feel grateful for it (preferably writing it down in a journal)?

When I have a positive experience, do I take a moment to savor it?

Am I able to mostly accept my challenges while I work on them, or do I strongly resist the difficulties in my life?

Do I have self-compassion for my challenges or do I berate myself?

Do I love myself or do I struggle with feelings of self-loathing?

Who do I carry hurt or resentment toward? Am I willing to forgive or at least reduce the hurt I feel? 

Do I often feel lonely? In the last week have I had a heart to heart talk with someone to express my feelings or at least enjoyed the company of a friend or family member?

Do I have a mentor? Who can I ask for advice on enhancing my mood and dealing with my challenges?

Have I tried walking in nature or going for a hike, to help clear my thoughts?

For at least a week, have I tried writing about emotionally charged issues, from the past or present? Was it helpful? Is this something I want to make part of my daily or weekly routine?

Do I have an addictive behavior that is keeping me stuck?

Do I pray daily? Thanking God for His blessings, describing my challenges and asking for His help?

How can we start implementing The FAR Plan? 

Most of us should start with sleep, diet and exercise, or whichever ones we are motivated to address. Also increase positive social interactions. Try combining exercise with a social component, e.g., get together with someone at least weekly to exercise or go for a brisk walk. Engage in a meaningful activity that has a social component, e.g., going to a class on spiritual teachings, volunteering, visiting the sick or elderly or performing some other form of kindness. 

The tools of gratitude, acceptance and self-compassion, are especially useful in the moment, as emotional first aid. So the next time you feel down or anxious, find something for which to be grateful, whether a blessing in another area of your life, or a bright side of the painful situation (Write down daily some things you are grateful for and why). Then, talk to yourself words of faith, and see if you can be more accepting of the challenge. Lastly, remind yourself that you are going through a difficult time; give yourself compassion and feel God’s compassion for you. If these tools are not sufficient, try to distract yourself with a neutral activity that is engrossing ( reading, exercising, engaging in a  hobby etc.) that takes your attention away from depressing or anxious thoughts. 

Every day there are going to be positive experiences, e.g., eating a tasty dish, experiencing a cool breeze, seeing a beautiful sunset or hearing a kind word. Make sure to savor those moments! Each day compliment others so that they too will have something to savor.

After trying the above tools, experiment with the other ones. Whichever tools you choose, make a chart to  track of how often you do them. You can use software such as Google Keep or Evernote to schedule weekly or daily recurring reminders. You may find it helpful to have a family member, friend, life coach or therapist check in with you weekly or even daily to confirm that you are doing the behaviors you chose. Knowing that they will be checking in on you, can give you added motivation to stay on track.

After trying these tools, write down which ones work best for you. The next time you feel emotional distress, look at the list and do those tools.

If you get stuck implementing this plan, you can begin with a shorter, less comprehensive one,
The SIMPLE3 Plan: 8 Steps to Emotional and Physical Wellbeing.

In addition to the above tools, many benefit from reading self-help books. Some popular self-help books for mood issues include:

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living (Second Edition) by Russ Harris

Retrain Your Brain: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks: A Workbook for Managing Depression and Anxiety by Seth J. Gillihan.

Feeling Great: The Revolutionary New Treatment for Depression and Anxiety by David D. Burns.

The Upward Spiral Workbook: A Practical Neuroscience Program for Reversing the Course of Depression by Alex Korb.

If you are experiencing moderate to severe distress, or even if your distress is only mild to moderate but is not improving, see a therapist and/or psychiatrist. For a therapist, look for a recommended one, preferably someone who practices a research validated approach such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). If you have experienced significant trauma in your life, see if you can find a therapist who specializes in that area, as there are specific interventions that can be used for trauma, such as EMDR, among others. Keep in mind that often people need to try more than one therapist/psychiatrist or medication(s) before finding the right one for them. Some therapists/psychiatrists are more skilled than others. If you are seeing one and either you do not feel understood, or do not see improvement, consider trying someone else. If possible also see your primary care doctor and get a physical which includes being tested for vitamin D, iron, B12 and thyroid function.

If you are unable to find a psychiatrist on your insurance, and the ones people recommend are cost prohibitive, you may want to look into this service which pairs you with a psychiatric nurse practitioner and charges a standardized fee for intakes and follow up appointments: They say they vet their practitioners and they currently charge $275 for the initial appointment and $160 for follow ups. They have multiple locations, but may not be available in your area. (There may be other companies that offer a similar service).

If you have straight anxiety or depression, another option is to ask your primary care physician to prescribe something for that. If you think you may have Bipolar or multiple diagnoses, it is best to see a psychiatrist. For an article which discusses primary care doctors prescribing antidepressants, see here.

Here is a brief discussion on medication. Medication works best when used with other tools, especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. For straight or unipolar depression, doctors often start with an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) such as Lexapro. If that does not work, they may either try a different SSRI such as Zoloft or they may suggest switching to or adding Wellbutrin, which is often more energizing than an SSRI. Some do well on a combo of Wellbutrin and an SSRI which work by targeting different neurotransmitters. There are many different medications to choose from and often doctors have their favorite antidepressants that they like to use. It can take a few tries or combinations before you get a good response.

If your depression is not responding to treatment or you are on Wellbutrin but getting only a partial response, you can discuss with your psychiatrist the combination of Wellbutrin and Dextromethorphan. This combination goes by the research name AXS-05 as it is not yet FDA approved. You can read a study comparing the combination to Wellbutrin alone here. Even though it is not yet approved, if your psychiatrist okays it, you can get Dextromethorphan over the counter as a cough suppressant pill or at a compounding pharmacy.

For Bipolar I or II your doctor may prescribe Lithium Carbonate, Lamictal, or one of the new atypical antipsychotics. Lithium is particularly indicated when thoughts of suicide are present, whether the person has bipolar or unipolar depression, as discussed in this article. For OCD, two common medications used are Luvox and Chlomipramine (among other choices). For research based recommendations for psychiatric medications for different conditions, see here (click on the top right dropdown menu that says “Algorithms” for a list of conditions). For those with treatment resistant depression, see a review of promising strategies here.

Discuss any side effects from medications with your doctor, sometimes you will need to stop the medication. Other times, you can try a lower dose (if you are already taking the lowest dose and still have side effects, for drugs available as a generic, you can often get them compounded by pharmacy into a liquid for microdosing). Your doctor may say to see if the side effect decreases or goes away with time. If you need to or decide to stop a medication, discuss with your doctor how best to do that. Some medications need to be stopped gradually, especially if you have been on them for a while, to avoid withdrawal effects.

If medication does not help or you do not tolerate them, consider Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), an FDA approved treatment for depression covered by an increasing number of insurance companies. One manufacturer of TMS equipment is Brainsway, which has a provider search function on their website.

For mild cases or for those who do not respond or tolerate medications, you can look into dietary supplements. Here is a brief listing of popular choices. Do not take supplements if you are on medication (especially psychiatric medications) without first checking with your doctor or pharmacist. When possible, work with a healthcare practitioner knowledgeable about supplements who can recommend specific products and dosages for you.

Dietary Supplements: 

Magnesium. Some find this mineral calming and helpful for sleep and constipation. Follow the dosage on the label.

B-complex with the coenzyme forms of folic acid and B12. Follow the dosage on the label.

Fish oil. Do not take more than 1 gram of fish oil without discussing it with your doctor, as high dosages can cause Atrial Fibrillation.

5-HTP and/or St. John’s Wort. You can take 5-HTP at bedtime working up to 300mg (or take 100mg three times daily, best away from protein and with a small amount of carbs such as a slice of apple or a rice cake). If after two weeks you do not experience any benefit, Peter Bongiorno ND author of Put Anxiety Behind You writes that you can increase the dose to 200mg three times a day. If there is still no benefit, you can try a combination of 5-HTP and St. John’s Wort extract, but you will need to lower the dosage of 5-HTP. David Edelberg, MD, recommends taking 100mg of 5-HTP at bedtime along with St. John’s Wort (450mg twice daily) and a once daily B-complex (click here for his other suggestions). 5-HTP is available in a time release formulation which may work better for some. 5-HTP and St. John’s Worth can cause interactions with antidepressants and either one should not be taken with psychiatric medications without the guidance of a psychiatrist.

Rhodiola or Sam-e. These are both considered more activating than 5-HTP or St. John’s wort. More information on Rhodiola, SAM-e, fish oil and St. John’s Wort can be found here: How to Prescribe Natural Medications? Part 1. Rhodiola can cause overstimulation or excess libido, so start with the lowest dose on an empty stomach and gradually increase it to 250-500mg. A note about SAM-e: Patricia Gerbarg MD recommends the brand Azendus. If you take a different brand, make sure it is enteric coated and in blister packs. She recommends starting with 400mg and if tolerated after a few days, increase the dose to between 800-1600mg daily. Take it on an empty stomach around 30 minutes before breakfast or lunch.

Lithium Orotate. This form of lithium is available over the counter and some recommend taking it with fish oil. The usual dose is 5mg with some practitioners using up to 20mg daily. If you find Lithium helpful and want to take it long term, especially more than 5mg daily, have your doctor monitor it, as there is not a lot of research on it. An article on Lithium Orotate is available here.

Saffron Extract. This is being used for stress, mood enhancement and appetite suppression. Follow the dosage on the label.

L-Theanine. This is an amino acid found in green tea and is being used for stress. Follow the dosage on the label.

Curcumin (Turmeric). This herb is a potent anti-inflammatory and there is research showing that it can be effective for improving mood. Curcumin is often not well absorbed, so get one that is formulated for enhanced absorption. 

Supplements may cause side effects, so add new supplements one at a time, gradually increase the dose and stick to the recommended dosage and either lower the dose or stop taking it if you experience any side effects. Use reputable brands that are GMP certified, which shows attention to quality controls. If you think you may have Bipolar (I or II), see a doctor before taking supplements as some can exacerbate the condition. For more on dietary supplements for mood disorders, Peter Bongiorno ND has a podcast here and a more recent one here or you can read one of his books (or books by James Greenblatt MD).

Many treatment options exist and new ones are being developed. Never give up! Keep trying until with God's help, you find the right treatment for you.

For a 12 month personal growth plan, see Living an Optimized Life: A 12 month plan

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Saturday, August 15, 2020

Elul: Repentance

Dear Friends,

This post is about the Jewish month of Elul as it relates to The Chazak Plan: A 12 Month Journey to Spiritual Strength.

Rosh Chodesh Elul begins Wednesday night, the 19th of August and lasts for two days.

Elul is the time of year we take stock of our lives and prepare for the High Holidays. Most of us have at least one area in which we struggle; perhaps it is being ethical in business, being moral, being charitable and kind, refraining from hurting others, or some other area. Correcting our key flaw(s) is a major part of our life’s mission and why God put us in this world.

Pick one area on which to focus and choose a manageable change you will make on a daily or weekly basis; input this change into your calendar or checklist. If possible, speak to your rabbi or spiritual mentor for guidance. The focus on repentance continues into next month until after Yom Kippur.

During the month of Elul it is customary to study works on ethical development. One classic is Duties of the Heart by Rabbi Bachya ibn Pekuda. In the third chapter of The Gate of Introspection, there is a list of 30 fundamental ideas to be aware of. Aim to study one idea a day and finish it in time for Rosh Hashanah. A free version with an English translation is available on Sefaria by clicking here.

As the High Holidays involve reciting many prayers, for suggestions on how to enhance your prayers, see, “How to Unlock the Hidden Power of Prayer.”

Questions for the month:

“Which area do I struggle with that I’m motivated to address this Elul?”

“What is a manageable commitment I will make?

“Is it clear to me what area to focus on and how to repent (if necessary)? If it is not clear, who can I speak to for guidance?”

Take care and may God grant us success in the coming month,


Saturday, August 8, 2020

10 Signs You’re a Selfless Giver, 5 Signs You’re Not

Dear Friends, 

With the Coronavirus, we have additional opportunities to do acts of kindness: Helping people shop, checking in on how others are doing, donating to charities, helping people find jobs etc. 

It is good to give, regardless of the reason. But when we give without expecting anything in return, we have reached an even higher level.

​10 Signs You’re a Selfless Giver, 5 Signs You’re Not

Have a great week,


Saturday, July 25, 2020

Seeking the Divine Presence

Dear Friends,

This Wednesday night, July 29th, begins Tisha B'Av.

After the Messiah comes, this day will be transformed into a day of celebration.
May it be this year.

Seeking the Divine Presence

Take care and have a good week,


Saturday, July 18, 2020

Av: Kindness

Dear Friends,

This post is about the Jewish month of Av as it relates to The Chazak Plan: A 12 Month Journey to Spiritual Strength.

Rosh Chodesh Av begins Tuesday night, the 21st of July and lasts for one day.

On the 9th of this month – Tisha B’Av – we fast to commemorate the destruction of the First and Second Temples.

Last month, we focused on forgiving others and removing hatred from our hearts. This month, we will focus on the next step, doing kindness and fulfilling the commandment to, “…love your fellow as yourself…(Leviticus 19:18).”

Each day this month, consider checking off on your checklist if you did an act of kindness; it can be something small. If the day is coming to a close and you have not yet done an act of kindness, ask yourself if there is someone you can call or email, who would appreciate that you reached out to them. At the very least, put some money in a charity box. Do not let a day go by without doing something for someone else. As the Sages teach, (Ethics of the Fathers 1:14), “…If I am [only] for myself, what am I?”

Question for the month:

“Who can I help and how?” (Some examples: Giving emotional, financial or physical support, advice, or helping someone find a job, a spouse or a needed resource.)

Take care and may God grant us success and redemption in the coming month,


Saturday, July 11, 2020

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Conflict Resolution: How to Win the Battle for Peace

Dear Friends,

Unfortunately, many people are in conflict with at least one person.
It doesn't have to be that way.

Think about the conflicts in your life and choose one to try to resolve.

Conflict Resolution: How to Win the Battle for Peace

This Thursday is the 17th of Tammuz, a fast day when we commemorate the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem before the destruction of the First Temple.

When the Messiah comes, this day will turn into a day of joy. May it be this year.

Have a good week and take care,


Thursday, July 2, 2020

Audio Download of Parsha Class

Dear Friends,

This week's Torah portion is Chukas-Balak.

Here is a class on Parshat Balak.

Have a Shabbat Shalom,


Saturday, June 27, 2020

The Freedom of Forgiveness: 3 Strategies to Letting Go

Dear Friends,

Forgiving someone takes effort, but holding on to bitterness and animosity has a heavy cost...

The Freedom of Forgiveness: 3 Strategies to Letting Go

Have a great week and take care,


Thursday, June 25, 2020

What Happened to On Ben Pelet? AND Audio Download

Dear Friends,

Here is the link to my parsha class:

Below is a written version of a drasha (speech) I gave in the past on Parshat Korach.

Have a Shabbat Shalom,


In this week’s Parsha, Parshat Korech, we started off with a listing of those who were involved in the rebellion of Korech against Moshe Rabbenu. One man listed is On ben Pelet. But later on On disappears from the scene. What happened to On?

The Gemara (Talmud) in Sanhedrin (109b) explains that On’s wife saved him from sharing the same fate of Korach. He had initially joined the rebellion but his wife convinced him that it was a foolish thing to do and helped him extricate himself from the rebellion. By doing this, she saved his life and that of his family as well.

On ben Pelet’s wife was a good influence on him. The Gemara in Sanhedrin also discusses a wife who was a bad influence, and that was the wife of Korach. She instigated him to rebel and goaded him on.

We often think, “Who am I that I can influence others?” But this is misguided humility. Hashem gives us tremendous power to not only change our own lives, but to change the lives of those around us as well.

Parshat Korach showcases the influence we can have on each other. In the case of On ben Pelet’s wife, through our influence we can save someone’s life, or in the case of Korach’s wife, the opposite can occur, God forbid.

What are some ways we can be a bad influence on people? When we are naysayers and throw cold water on people’s hopes and dreams. When we are a bad role model or hyper-critical of others.

How can we be a good influence on people? First we must see the amazing potential and goodness within everyone. When we genuinely like and care about people, they will be more open to being influenced by us. We influence people by sharing with them inspirational articles we’ve read or classes we attend. We also have a positive impact on people by teaching by example and by encouraging and complimenting them.

Another way to influence others is to do what On ben Pelet’s wife did and give advice when appropriate. If you know someone who’s struggling with a life challenge or you see them heading down the wrong path, if you think you can help them, don’t hold back!

Ask them if they are interested in your advice and if they are, share your thoughts with them.

For our own challenges, what do we do if we don’t have a spouse like the wife of On ben Pelet?

We must seek out wise people to consult with and get their advice and encouragement.

A common mistake people make is to make big decisions or try to handle difficult challenges on their own, without consulting with others who have wisdom and life experience, such as rabbis, rebbetzins and other mentors.

Until now, I’ve focused on being a good influence on others. But we must also be a good influence on ourselves. If we frequently berate and scold ourselves, if we call ourselves terrible names and say how hopeless we are, is that going to motivate us to improve?

We must be our biggest fan!!

We must spur ourselves on to overcome the challenges we face.

I want to end with some powerful questions we can ask ourselves:
Which do I do more, criticize others or compliment them?

Am I focused only on myself and my family, or do I take an interest in others and give them encouragement?

When I talk to myself, am I nasty and hyper-critical, or am I loving and encouraging?

Don’t let a day go by without encouraging and complimenting yourself and others. Then, B’ezrat Hashem (with God's help), we will all reach great heights.

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Saturday, June 20, 2020

Tammuz: Forgiveness

Dear Friends,

This post is about the Jewish month of Tammuz as it relates to The Chazak Plan: A 12 Month Journey to Spiritual Strength.

Rosh Chodesh Tammuz begins Sunday night, the 21st of June and lasts for two days.

On the 17th of this month, we fast to commemorate the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem before the destruction of the First Temple. This is the beginning of the period known as The Three Weeks which ends next month on Tisha B’Av, the day we mourn the destruction of the First and Second Temples.

The Sages teach that a key reason the Messiah has not yet come to rebuild the Temple is because of the sin of hating one’s fellow Jew. We are a small nation surrounded by enemies bent on our destruction. To defeat the hatred against our people, we must defeat the hatred within our people. This month, go out of your way to be forgiving and overlook the faults of others.

One of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s most transformative teachings is his emphasis on finding the good in ourselves and others (Likutey Moharan I, 282). A complementary practice is to realize that we all have difficulties and to feel compassion for our own challenges and for those of others. Each day, look for the good in yourself and others, and feel compassion for the struggles we all face. Then, you will be more forgiving and loving toward yourself and others.

Questions for the month:

“Who in my life do I feel hatred toward or greatly dislike?” (Pick one person and depending on the situation, either work on forgiving them or on reducing the hurt you feel, as this hurt only harms you.)

“Who pushes my buttons? Can I focus on their good points and be more complimentary and understanding?”

“What is the first step I can take to try to resolve a conflict I have with someone?”

Take care and may God grant us success in the coming month,


Saturday, June 13, 2020

Thursday, June 11, 2020

Saturday, June 6, 2020

The 12th Way to Examine Your Soul

Dear Friends,

In a previous post, here, I highlighted online free resources for Torah learning. One of those resources was the third chapter of the Gate of Introspection (Examining the Soul) in Duties of The Heart, by Rabbi Bachya ibn Pekuda, where he lists 30 ways to do introspection. This classic, written hundreds of years ago, is still inspiring and applicable to this day.

For today's post, I want to highlight the 12th way of doing introspection, to give you a taste of his wisdom. In this entry, Rabbi Bachya ibn Pekuda discusses the following truth: People often spend an inordinate amount of time and energy on the pursuit of money, when at the end of the day, they may have little to show for it. At the same time, they often neglect the needs of their soul, where any effort they would have put in that area would have yielded eternal reward.

In addition to making reasonable efforts to be able to support ourselves and our families, the author is urging us to “exert yourself in what you need for your final end." We do this by doing acts of kindness, giving charity, learning Torah, praying and observing the other mitzvot as best we can.

Take care and have a great week,


Quoted from Sefaria here:

“THE TWELFTH: (the pursuit of physical) To make an accounting with oneself at a time when one's heart is excited and diligent for worldly matters, applying himself fully with his utmost ingenuity and maximum ability, and to weigh this against one's laxness in matters of his final end, and his straying from the service of his G-d.

Then he will see and feel that his thoughts for matters of this world are the highest of his thoughts, and his aspiration for this world is the higher of his aspirations, because all the various types of possessions will never be enough for him in the least, on the contrary he is like a fire, the more wood is added, the more it increases flames, and all of his heart and intent will be drawn to it day and night. He will not consider anyone a close friend except one who helps him in them, and no one a friend except he who leads him to them. His eye will be to the times it is good to buy, and the times it is good to sell. And he will observe matters of the selling rates for the whole world. He investigates where they are cheap and where they are expensive, and when they go up and when they go down. He will not refrain from travelling to faraway places. Neither heat, nor cold, nor stormy sea, nor long desert roads - all this out of his hope to reach the end of his desire but there is no end to it.

It is possible that all of his efforts will be for nothing, and he will not attain anything except a long suffering, exertion, and toil. And even if he attains some of what he hoped for, perhaps he will not get any benefit from it, but instead will only guard it, manage it, and protect it from potential damages, until it will go to he who G-d decreed it should go to, whether while he is still alive, as written: "at mid life he will leave it" (Yirmiya 17:11) or after his death, as written: "they will abandon their fortunes to others" (Tehilim 49:11).

The wise man already warned us against zeal and exertion for amassing wealth, as written: "Labor not to be rich: cease from your own wisdom" (Mishlei 23:4), and he spoke of the calamity found in it, in saying "Will you set your eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven" (Mishlei 23:5), and the other wise man (King David) taught us and permitted us to make efforts in earning money for our basic needs only, in saying: "If you eat the toil of your hands, you are praiseworthy, and it is good for you" (Tehilim 128:2).

And likewise, the pious man asked G-d to give him his livelihood only in the basic amount, and to distance him from wealth which leads to the luxuries, and from poverty which leads to loss of morals and torah, in saying: "Two things have I asked of you; Do not give me poverty nor wealth, provide me with my food portion" (Mishlei 30:7), and the rest of the matter. Like him, we find our forefather, Yaakov, who asked G-d only for his basic needs, in saying: "If G-d will be with me, and He will guard me on this way, upon which I am going, and He will give me bread to eat and a garment to wear" (Bereishis 28:20).

Wake up my brother! Look at the deficiency of that which you hurry and pursue - to maintain your body in its natural state. Your association with it will only be for a short time, it will not be spared from pain and it will not be saved from troubles while you are attached to it. If it eats too much, it will become sick. If it eats too little, it will become weak. If you clothe it more than it needs, it will become uncomfortable, and if you leave it naked, it will be pained. Furthermore, its health and sickness, its life and death are not according to your will and not in your control, rather everything is directed by your Creator.

Where is the superiority of your soul over your body? And the exaltedness of its world over the body's world, its rising above (after death) while the body descends below, its spirituality versus the body's physicality, its unchanging nature versus the body's changing nature, its eternal existence versus the body's deteriorating and disappearing existence, its simple form versus the body's composite elements, its pure essence versus the body's baseness, its wisdom and understanding versus the body's beastliness, its tendency for the virtuous traits versus the body's tendency for the disgraceful traits.

If you conduct yourself in this kind of zeal and effort for the rectification of your body, in spite of its lowliness and baseness, and despite your weak capacity to save it from damage or to benefit it, how much more is it your duty to conduct yourself with this zeal and effort for the rectification of your soul, which is so important and which you will be left with (forever), and which you were commanded to guide its matter, and to look into things which will rectify it in acquiring wisdom and understanding, as written: "Buy the truth, and sell it not" (Mishlei 23:23), and "Get wisdom, get understanding" (Mishlei 4:5), and "How much better is it to get wisdom than gold! and to choose understanding rather than silver!" (Mishlei 16:16), and "So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto your soul" (Mishlei 24:14), and "If you are wise, you shall be wise for yourself" (Mishlei 9:12), which means that the spiritual acquisitions are yours. No one can ever steal them from you, unlike what occurs by physical acquisitions.

See, my brother, what is between the two things, and what is between the two matters. Turn away from the luxuries of your world, and exert yourself in what you need for your final end. Do not say: "I will share the fate of the fool" (who does not make this accounting). Because more will be claimed from you according to your higher level of understanding, and your punishment will be greater. The accounting demanded of you for your neglect will be stricter. Do not rely on a claim which you will have no grounds for, and do not rest assured on a plea which will be used against you and not for you.

The discussion to complete this subject is too lengthy, let it be enough for you what I have aroused you on it, and taught you according to your understanding. Contemplate my words, and understand my allusions. Investigate them in the book of the torah of G-d, and the words of our sages. You will see their explanation from the verses, from logic, and from the talmud, with G-d's help.”

Thursday, June 4, 2020

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Mining the Depths of Torah Wisdom

Jews have been studying the Torah for thousands of years. Often, our knowledge of the Torah is limited to contemporary works. Now, thank God, we have at our fingertips translations of classic texts to help us mine the depths of Torah knowledge. Some of them are available from Jewish publishing houses and others can be accessed online.

Here are select Jewish teachings (some classic, some contemporary) that can be accessed for free online (there are many others available through Sefaria). These works mainly focus on elevating our behavior and strengthening our relationship with God. While some of the writing may be above our current level, it is inspirational to read how refined a person can become over a lifetime of spiritual development. Keeping our focus on the goal of how one should optimally act, we can move forward to higher and higher levels.

At different points in your life, different works may speak to you. Read at least a few pages from each of the works below and find at least one that resonates with you to begin studying on a regular basis.

1. Duties of the Heart by Rabbi Bachya ibn Pekuda. You can either study it from the beginning (the first gate is often not studied nowadays), or start with the following two gates and then study the other gates. The translation is by Rabbi Yosef Sebag.

The Gate of Trust can be found here.

For a version of this gate with commentary, click here:

The Gate of Introspection, especially the third chapter which lists 30 fundamental ideas to be aware of, can be found here.

For a version of this gate with commentary, click here:

2. The Path of the Just by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto. You can either study it from the beginning, or start with Chapter 11, which covers key areas of conduct, and then go back and read this work from the beginning. The translation is by Rabbi Yosef Sebag.

Chapter 11 can be found here.

For a version of this chapter with commentary, click here:

3. Iggeret HaRamban. The ethical will the Ramban wrote to his son, where he encouraged his son to read it at least once a week. Many have the custom to do that. Link can be found here.

4. Mishle (Proverbs) with commentary by Reuven Brauner is available here.

5. Pirkei Avot with commentary, as well as the Orchot Chaim of the Rosh and a listing of the 613 mitzvot, compiled by Reuven Brauner is available here.

6. Orchot Chaim of the Rosh translated by Reuven Brauner. A wide ranging set of ethical instructions the Rosh wrote for his sons. Link can be found here.

7. Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh by Rabbi Itamar Schwartz. This is a modern classic available in English and can be found here. (To go to the next page, scroll to the bottom and then click on the link next to: “next in series.”)

8. Torah thoughts by Rabbi Yaakov Meir Shechter. An article about him can be found here.

Articles by him translated into English can be found here.

9. Rebbe Nachman and You by Rabbi Chaim Kramer. This eBook on applying the wisdom of Rebbe Nachman is currently being offered for free from, if you sign up to their newsletter. If this offer does not pop up when you visit their site, you can contact them directly. This book is also offered for sale in softcover on their site. Two other books on their site which give a great foundation are , among others are: Healing Leaves and A Bit More Advice.

10. The Haftorah. A new flowing translation of the sections of the Prophets read on Shabbat, called the Haftorah, can be found in The Gutnick Edition Chumash, available free here. Aim to read these stirring words of the prophets each week, or read one Haftorah every day.

11. The Essential Rabbi Nachman. A free version of Rabbi Avraham Greenbaum’s book.

12.The Breslov App. An app with Breslov teachings for both Apple or Android phones:

For Apple click here.

For Android click here.

Foundational works:

Every Jewish home should have at least the following: A prayer book, Psalms, and The Five Books of Moses, preferably with the Prophets and Writings as well, all with a translation you understand. In addition, works on Jewish law.

The following publishers offer some or all of them: Artscroll, Feldheim, Koren Publishers, Kol Menachem and Breslov Research Institute, among others. Some offer online samples.

Every day, aim to say at least one passage of the daily prayers with understanding, as well as to read from Psalms, and to study from a work on Jewish law. Each day or on Shabbat, learn the weekly Torah portion and its Haftorah, so that you finish the Torah each year. If you are able, learn through the entire Tanach (which includes the Prophets and Writings), a little each day or on Shabbat.

In addition, daily or at least week, study something to which you are particularly drawn or curious about. It might be the Talmud, Ein Yaakov, the Chumash with a particular commentary (Rashi, Ramban, Midrash Rabbah, Ohr HaChaim, Rabbi Hirsch, Rabbi Elie Munk ect.), in depth Jewish law or Tanach, works on ethical development (such as the works mentioned earlier) or Chassidic thought (Likutey Moharan, Likutey Halachos, Tanya, Mei Hashiloach, Kedushas Levi, Pri Tzaddik, Nesivos Shalom etc.).

You can study alone from a book, listen to one of the many online classes or study with a partner. You can locate a study partner for free at

The Torah is limitless. Keep exploring the sea of Torah and let its sweet waters quench your thirst.