How to Build Unshakable Faith

Some people think that having faith means believing that God will protect them from pain and suffering. When tragedy or difficulty does occur, they question, “Where was God?” Shallow faith that is dependent on God meeting our expectations is easily uprooted by the inevitable whirlwinds of life. Our Creator never promised a pain-free life, that is not the purpose of this world. In contrast, with unshakable faith, we can skillfully move through any challenge, emerging stronger and with a deeper connection to our Father in Heaven. We can embody the verse (Psalms 112:7), “Of evil news – he is not afraid. His heart is steadfast, trusting in God.”

We build unshakable faith by maintaining balance in three key areas. (1) Believing that all our challenges are from God, for our ultimate good; without veering off into blaming Him, others or ourselves. (2) Knowing that we have the God given ability to handle whatever He gives us, by making reasonable efforts and perhaps asking others for help or advice; without veering off into acts of desperation or making no attempts at all. (3) Asking God to guide us and trusting that He will; without veering off into thinking that we are alone or do not need Him.

Each one of these three keys, which lay the foundation for rock solid faith, can be illustrated by the metaphor of life as a symphony conducted by God, the Master Composer. (1) He lovingly wrote the melody to heal the souls who play its notes. (2) He gave you a part which brings out your abilities and (3) He is guiding you throughout. Occasionally the music is scary, at times sad, other times joyous, but always sublime – in a manner beyond our ability to comprehend.

Our instinctual response is to look at the immediate cause of difficulties in our lives, e.g., ourselves, family members or others, and lay blame at their doorstep. The reality is that the Creator is the ultimate cause of everything: Our successes, failures and challenges, all come from Him. Nothing and no one can harm or help us without our Creator’s permission.

God not only created us, He continually creates our experiences. King David urges us (Psalms 118:24), “This is the day God has made; let us rejoice and be happy on it.” When we believe that God makes every day of our lives – that each one is custom made for us to reach our highest potential – then we will be able to rejoice and be happy throughout our lives. Yes, there will be times of sadness and sorrow, but those times will be amidst a backdrop of feeling cared for and loved by our Father in Heaven.

Whatever occurs, whether seemingly due to circumstance, our own efforts, or those of others, is in truth the will of God, for our eternal good. As Jeremiah said, (Lamentations 3:37), “Whose decree was ever fulfilled, if the Lord did not will it?”

The more we believe this, the less we will be bitter over the past, dissatisfied with the present or worry about the future. We will be able to accept a situation without being angry with others or berating ourselves over normal human error. We realize that God is guiding our lives for our highest good; the actions of others and our own mistakes are just the implements He uses to bring about His desired result. (At the same time, we are held accountable for the consequences of either sinful or neglectful behavior.) People of faith live with peace of mind. They forgive the past, accept the present and look forward to and plan for a better future.

When we believe that our successes come only from God, we will not engage in dishonest acts to try to get ahead. Such behavior is not only forbidden, it is foolish and self-destructive; whatever gains people ascribe to underhanded actions, they will either eventually lose or they would have received any way through permitted means. In addition, because they utilized forbidden methods, unless they make amends, they stand to lose even that which they were destined to receive (Chafetz Chayim, Kuntres Sfat Tamim). Ironically, the very ill-gotten gains which people ran after, later become the instrument of their suffering and misfortune.

It is far better to have only “kosher” assets – even if they are few – than to temporarily have more assets which are “treif.” A person will see no lasting joy from ill-gotten gains; they only leave harm and destruction in their wake.

When we trust in God, we will not act out of desperation and try to force an issue to improve. (This frequently only worsens the situation, or we end up spinning our wheels and get burned out and bitter.) We understand that making more than reasonable efforts will not help us, e.g., we will not find a job or marriage partner faster, earn more money or recover from an illness quicker. God has a timetable for when we will receive our blessings – provided we do our part and ask for His assistance. A poor job market, few potential dates, a sluggish economy or lack of access to top medical care, will not hold Him back from giving us what is in our best interest.

Our efforts do not bring success; God brings success. He requires that we make reasonable efforts as a condition for receiving His blessings. Since our efforts have no direct bearing on the results God gives us, we engage in those efforts calmly. We do not frantically try to control the course of events, as the outcome of our efforts is completely in God's hands.

The potent tools of repentance, prayer and charity

If making more material effort than what is expected of us will not help, is there anything we can do to improve our situation?

The Sages say yes, by engaging in repentance, prayer and charity. How do these work if we believe that our current circumstance is for the best?

One answer given is that yes, all is for the best – for our current state. But we can upgrade our ability to receive Divine blessing. Perhaps these three practices enable us to receive greater abundance because they teach us three crucial lessons:

(1) We learn from repentance – correcting our missteps – that our blessings must be used with the guidelines outlined by the One who gave them to us. (As opposed to using them in ways our Creator has forbidden.)

(2) We learn from prayer that all blessings come only from God. (As opposed to thinking that our superiority is the source of our success.)

(3) We learn from the requirement to give charity that abundance must be shared with others. (As opposed to thinking that to preserve abundance, we have to hoard it for ourselves.)

Every act of repentance, prayer and charity is never wasted and will stand by us in this world and/or the World to Come. There are times when even after strengthening our ability to handle Divine gifts and making material efforts, the blessing we seek is not forthcoming. This is either because the right time has not yet arrived, or our Creator has decided that it is not for our highest good.

With this in mind, we make reasonable efforts to bring blessing into our lives, while at the same time realizing that if we do not have a specific blessing, by definition it is not currently needed to fulfill our life’s purpose. Even if we do not receive a particular blessing in this world, we will receive what is truly good for us in the World to Come.

Common pitfalls
There are a number of pitfalls to be wary of when working on strengthening our faith. One is getting caught up in wanting a specific end result. For example, we may think, “I have faith in God that this job, doctor or date will be the one for me.” That is not having faith in God; that is having faith in our limited intelligence. How do we know this is the right one? When we put our hopes in a specific result, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Faith is acknowledging that only God knows what is best for us. We do what we can and accept as His will the outcome of our efforts. When we let go of attachment to a specific result, realizing that whatever happens will be for the best, we achieve equanimity.

Being dissatisfied with our current life circumstance can be a sign that we need to strengthen our faith. Be wary of thoughts that begin with, “If only…” Or, “I wish…” It is important to plan and set goals for a better future. At the same time, people with strong faith unconditionally accept and embrace their current situation, making the most of it and trusting that right now this is the optimal circumstance for them.

We often think of building faith as a purely intellectual exercise, that if we learn enough about faith, we will eventually have it. But when it comes to faith, the question is not how much do we know, it is how much have we internalized?

Faith is mainly in the heart. An example of faith and trust is what is felt by children toward their parents. They may not even be aware of this trust on an intellectual level, but they feel it in their hearts.

Moses highlighted the importance of the heart when he said (Deuteronomy 4:39), “Today, you should know and bring it into your heart, that Hashem is God in heavens above, and on the earth below. There is no other.”

Each day, pick at least one challenge and using the exercise below, speak to yourself words of faith. Then, through the grace of God, one day it will dawn on you that God really is guiding your life; that in the end, everything really will work out. When you have this shift in perspective, you will feel a sense of release, a letting go, a lightening of a burden you have been carrying for a long time. You will realize that you can, “Cast your burden on God, and He will carry you…(Psalms 55:23)”


Addendum: Faith building exercise

Pick a difficulty in your life – start with a mild one. When you think about this challenge, contemplate, or speak out loud to yourself, the following points:

1. This is from God for my eternal benefit. Part of fulfilling my life’s purpose is doing what I can to overcome and grow from this challenge.

2. This will work out in the end; either in this world or in the next.

3. God is with me, giving me the strength and courage I need to triumph.

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How to Unlock the Hidden Power of Prayer

Many of us spend hours each week praying to God. How can we make our prayers more sincere, uplifting and effective?

Prayer is a gift from our Creator, the opportunity to speak directly with the King of kings. We benefit most from our private audience with Him, when we realize that we are in fact having one. Before praying, pause for a moment and think about how you will soon be speaking with God. Then, ask God to open your heart to be able to pray to Him with intense fervor.

You might find it helpful to talk to yourself before praying, to put yourself in the proper frame of mind. You can use the points below or come up with your own.

I am about to speak to my Father and Creator. He is the all-powerful and infinitely wise King of the world. He created and sustains the entire universe. I can’t do anything without His help. Nothing and no one can harm or help me without His permission. Everything comes only from Him. Anything I want, He can give me. My Father loves me and wants to hear from me. He listens and cherishes every word I say. Every word brings blessing to me, my family, my people and the world – often in ways I don’t understand. I let go of all extraneous thoughts, stress and tension. (If you feel stressed, take a deep breath in and while exhaling slowly through the mouth, see if you can let go of stress and tension. Do this for at least two breaths.)

Three keys will help unlock the hidden power of prayer. We will not always be in the frame of mind to utilize all of them; sometimes, we can only grasp one of them for a short period of time. Nevertheless, any effort we make to engage these keys, will elevate our prayers.

The first key: Intention. The first key is to understand what you are saying. If you do not understand some or all of the words from the prayer book, find a translation that works best for you. If you are able to read Hebrew, two formats that allow you to say the Hebrew while looking at the translation are the Linear by Metsudah and the Interlinear by Artscroll.

Praying without comprehension is like getting dressed in pitch darkness; you will get dressed but not in a way that presents yourself well. Focus on mastering one small section at a time. For the section you are working on, make it a rule not to say the next phrase until you focused on the meaning of the previous one. Then, each phrase – a mini prayer – will be cherished and savored. (Often, it is easier to focus on the meaning of phrases, versus the meaning of each word.)

The prayer book was composed by the Sages through Divine inspiration. When we say the very words that have sustained our people for thousands of years, we connect with an incredible source of spiritual power.

When you get distracted during prayer and start to think about something else, gently remind yourself that prayer will help you more with that issue than worrying about it. Then, bring your attention back to the meaning of the words. Do not be discouraged if you need to do this dozens of times; every word you say with intention is another success.

Use the issues which distract you to enhance your prayers. During pertinent sections, think about concerns weighing on you, your own and those of others, to infuse a sense of urgency and bring new meaning to the words.

The second key: Feeling. The second key is to pray with feeling. To begin with, slow down the speed at which you pray; we can talk faster than we feel. Give yourself time for the meaning and feeling behind the words to sink into your heart and stir your soul.

Another tool to help feel our prayers is to silently ask ourselves questions during prayer. For example, “How would I say these words if I really meant them? How would I say these words if I knew for certain God was listening?”

The third key: Connection. The third key is to imagine God is right before you. During prayer, you are having a one-on-one conversation with Him. The great sage Nachmanides, in Iggeret HaRamban, wrote, “In all your words, actions and thoughts, at all times, imagine in your heart that you are standing before the Holy One, Blessed is He, and that His Presence is upon you; for His glory fills the universe…(see A Letter for the Ages by Rabbi Avrohom Chaim Feuer)” By following Nachmanide’s advice during prayer, the words will come alive and directly connect you to your Creator. Prayer will become an intimate conversation with God, were you whisper to Him your prayers as He listens intently.

When you focus on the fact that you are standing before God, everything else recedes into the background. It is just you and God, secluded in prayer. As you progress, you will realize that it is really just God; you sense your oneness with Him.

If you are able to say a few phrases of prayer with feeling while concentrating on God’s presence before you – amazing! If you can only focus on the meaning of some of the words or only the general theme of a prayer, or just that you are speaking to God – great, you have laid a solid foundation upon which to build.

Use these three keys not only with the prayer book but also when reciting Psalms. They will help you claim the treasure King David left for each one of us. Soon, you will be able to say to God with conviction, “And now, for what do I hope O Lord? My longing is for You (Psalms 39:8).”

Sometimes, we are able to pray with fervor. Other times, our prayers lack feeling and we may blame ourselves. This is a mistake. We cannot force ourselves to pray with inspiration; that is a gift from God. What is within our control is to put in the effort and ask God to help us.

Every prayer is a new beginning, a new opportunity to come closer to your Creator. Fortify yourself and start fresh with each prayer. Even if you think a prayer did not go well, the mere effort you put into it is precious to your Father and will bring you closer to Him. With persistence, God will open your heart and you will begin to feel a deep sense of being nourished by your Creator and united with Him.

Addendum: Hitbodedut

Hitbodedut is informal prayer which emanates straight from your heart; in your own words, in your native language and preferably out loud. This form of prayer was popularized by Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.

Daily Hitbodedut gives us an unparalleled opportunity: The chance to talk privately with the Almighty, sharing with Him whatever is on our minds. The following are some suggestions for how to use these precious moments: Thank your Father for the blessings and help He gave you, both ongoing and recently. Share your problems and struggles, and ask for His assistance. Confess when you stumble and ask Him to strengthen you to do His will. Plead with Him that you merit studying and living His Torah, that you merit coming close to Him and witnessing the redemption. Also include prayers for others in need, the Jewish people and the world. With all of the above, be as specific and detailed as possible.

It can take time getting used to talking out loud to God. To help you open up to Him, imagine that the only blessings you will receive are those for which you ask. In addition, make a list of the issues weighing on you. During Hitbodedut, unburden yourself to your Father; express your concerns about each item on your list and ask for His help.

In the beginning, you may want to set a countdown timer for five to fifteen minutes; during that time, do the best you can to communicate to God your deepest fears, pains, hopes and joys. Gradually increase the minutes to the duration that works best for you.

Another option is to practice silent Hitbodedut. This is where you meditate on God’s all-encompassing presence. While in this meditative state, you can silently talk to God.

In addition to practicing Hitbodedut during a set time, talk to God throughout the day. Whenever you realize a lack in your life or in the life of someone else – pray to Him for help. Whenever you are about to do something challenging – ask for His assistance. Weave an ongoing conversation with your Creator into the fabric of your day. By frequently talking to God, you will transform your relationship with Him. You will shift from thinking of God as up there in the Heavens, to relating to Him as your ever-present, companion, confidante, and guide.
For a free e-book on Hitbodedut offered by the Breslov Research Institute, click here.

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You: As God Intended

A little known fact – Rosh Hashanah does not commemorate the creation of the world, rather, the creation of the first human being. A world without a person who connects with God has no purpose and is not worth celebrating. We, are worth celebrating. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 37a) teaches that each individual is obligated to say, “For me, the world was created.” The spiritual power you possess is so awesome that it would be worthwhile for God to create the entire world just so you could live an elevated life in it.

Do you believe that?

If not, then you underestimate how precious your personal relationship with God is to Him. Imagine trying to explain to a toddler with whom you are close how much you enjoy when they smile at you. The child may look at you quizzically, trying to understand how you benefit when they show their budding teeth. What stirs your heart is not the physical smile; what uplifts you is the toddler’s joy and love for you, symbolized by their smile. So too, never discount any act of Divine service, or whispered prayer, especially those filled with love and longing for God; know, they are deeply cherished by Him.

Many of us do not fully realize the amazing spiritual potential we possess, waiting to ignite. We go through life only vaguely aware of the incredible closeness within our reach to our Father in Heaven. Our relationship with God is not a fringe benefit of life, it is life; it is why He created us.

Before we were born, our souls were in blissful and effortless union with God. The purpose of life on earth is to reunite with Him, through our own efforts, and thereby earn even greater bliss when we return to Heaven.

After we are born, the umbilical cord attaching us to our source of physical nourishment is cut and we must seek sustenance on our own. Similarly, upon entering this world, we must also seek spiritual sustenance on our own. God gave us the Torah to teach us how to find invigorating spiritual nourishment and how to stay away from that which weakens our connection to Him. Following the Torah enables us to achieve the deepest possible relationship with God.

Answering the shofar’s call

On Rosh Hashanah, when we hear the shofar blast we are reminded that God is our King and Creator. We ask, “Am I living my life as God intended when He created me?”

We can customize this question to give us clarity and direction in any area of our lives. For example, “Am I treating God's other children, including my spouse and kids, the way He wants them treated? Am I doing business and using my money, the way God intended when He blessed me with financial resources? Am I using my time and abilities to come closer to Him?”

When we can answer, “Yes! I am living as God intended,” we tap into the incredible power of living in sync with our Creator. The next time you are doing something in line with His will, e.g., on Shabbat, during a meal, while doing an act of kindness or learning Torah , try this: Speak to your Father in Heaven and say to Him with feeling, “I am living Your holy day, the Shabbat, as You, my Father, intended.” Or, “I am eating kosher, as You, my Father, intended.” Or, “I am using my time, as You, my Father, intended.” After doing this a few times, or perhaps right away, you will be filled with joy and a feeling of closeness to your Father. The spiritual acts you do mindfully become a conduit to feeling His loving embrace.

Every time we make His will our will we become one with God and enveloped in His embrace. With someone you deeply love, a hug once in a while does not suffice; when you hug, you never want to let go. This is why God, through His Torah, gives us guidance for every area of our lives; in His infinite love for us, God has filled life with an abundance of opportunities for closeness with Him. He wants our embrace, and for us to never let go.

It is challenging to follow the Torah as our GPS. Sometimes, we wonder if we will ever arrive at our destination or why we must take the route it sets out for us. But these challenges are there to give us the opportunity to surmount them and elevate ourselves, bringing us closer to God.

Nothing of great or lasting value is achieved without effort. What could be greater than having a relationship with God in this world? What could be more lasting than eternal bliss in the next? While the road ahead might be rocky, by following the Torah, we know where we are going and how to get there; we know that God is by our side, encouraging and strengthening us.

Rosh Hashanah is when we plead with God and ask, “Father, am I doing it right? Am I living as You intended?”

For this New Year, pick one step which will bring you closer to fulfilling God’s intention in creating you. Some possibilities: Delving into the Creator’s wisdom contained in His Torah, upgrading your observances, enhancing your prayers, or engaging in more acts of kindness. The key is to set a goal and at least once a week, do something toward achieving your goal. Although it may take time to see tangible results, the benefits accrue immediately; the closer you come to living as your Creator intended, the closer you will be to fulfilling your amazing potential.

Over time, like a musical instrument, we drift off from our intended key. Every Rosh Hashanah, by asking, “Who created me and why?” we tune back to the key of our Creator. Then in the coming year, by living the answer, we will play the wondrous melody our Composer has in mind just for us.

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Taking Refuge in a Sukkah of Faith

Sukkot is the Festival of Joy. This holiday, which occurs during the harvest season, is a time to be thankful for the blessings our Creator has given us. According to our tradition, a hidden aspect of Sukkot is our celebration of faith in God. When we dwell under the shade of the Sukkah, we show that we live our lives under the shade of God’s protection.

On the holiday, we sit in the Sukkah not only during the day, when the sun is shining, but also at night, when it is dark and sometimes cold. On Sukkot, we acknowledge that God is with us not only during times of abundance – the sunshine – but also during difficulties – the times we feel a chill. Even then, we believe that His protection and care surround and shield us like a Sukkah. We trust that, “…He will hide me in His Sukkah on the day of evil; He will conceal me in the concealment of His tent…(Psalms 27:5)”

The synergy of joy and faith

What is the connection between these two themes of Sukkot, joy and faith?

Without faith happiness is elusive. The stresses of life will overshadow abundance, spoiling joy. Even if life proceeds smoothly, worries over the future will distract from appreciating the present.

Authentic faith leads to gratitude and joy. It enables us to revel in the gifts of our Creator, without letting challenges dampen our spirits; we acknowledge that difficulties are also gifts (in ways beyond our comprehension). With faith, we are not consumed with fears about the future. We relax in the knowledge that, “God is my shepherd, I shall not lack (Psalms 23:1).” Whatever we need to fulfill our purpose, our Creator will give us; whatever we need to handle our challenges, He will provide.

The mistaken view that life is random robs one of meaning and happiness. Because God created you, your life has value and purpose; just by being alive you fulfill a part of God’s plan for you. God is your Father in Heaven and guides each moment of your life for your highest good. He cares about you, loves you and wants you to come close to Him. When you realize this, you will be filled with deep peace and joy.

Our angle of perception plays a pivotal role in determining our happiness. Imagine two people living in the same Sukkah; one bemoans the creature comforts he misses, the other delights in the mitzvah. Each moment, we have the choice of either resisting what we do not like, or opening up to the opportunity and Divine love within every experience.

How to serve God

One might assume that the optimal way to serve God and build His Sukkah is by constructing a sturdy and weatherproof structure. Yet, such a Sukkah is invalid; there must be cracks in the roof for the rain to enter. Similarly, one might assume that the optimal way to serve God is from a place of abundance, e.g., health, wealth, a large family etc. Yet, if our lives are currently not that way, then right now, that is not how we are meant to serve Him.

The definition of a life well lived is when we take the pieces that make up our lives – especially the broken parts – and elevate them, building for God our unique Sukkah. By using our current situation to come close to God, we invite Him into our Sukkah – into our lives. It is through the cracks in our Sukkah – the jagged parts of our lives – that God’s glory, dwelling within us, most intensely shines out of, illuminating the world.

Even if right now your life appears to be in tatters and resembles a patched together Sukkah, that too is for your good, that too is holy. Do not be ashamed or try to run away from your problems; be present in your Sukkah – in your life – and celebrate it for the joys it holds. By accepting your life the way it is, you unite with God, who gave you your present challenges. Then you will feel fortified by the strength of His presence and able to plan for a better future.

Worry or confidence?

We choose between two attitudes. One is filled with worry, where we ask, “What will be? Will I be able to handle it?” The other is filled with calm confidence, where we trust that God will be with us at all times, giving us whatever we need in each moment.

With faith, we anticipate and look forward to God’s help, which frequently comes in unpredictable ways. With this perspective, there is a relaxing of tension, a willingness to take judicious risks and leave our comfort zone. We are ready to face uncertainty fearlessly, with the courage that comes with trusting in God.

King David compares one who has faith in God to “…A suckling child beside its mother…(Psalms 131:2)” Imagine an infant resting after being nursed. How do you think the infant feels resting on its mother’s lap? When we realize our Creator is guiding our lives and we unconditionally accept His will, that peaceful feeling of complete reliance and contentment can be ours.

After making reasonable efforts – prayer included – trust that whatever happens to you will be for your eternal benefit. With faith, wherever you find yourself in life, you will be able to relax into your Father’s support, surrounded and protected by a Sukkah of faith.

The four species

On Sukkot we embrace and shake the four species: the Lulav, Etrog, Hadassim and Aravot. Like the Sukkah, perhaps the four species also symbolize the fusion of joy and faith. Joy is found when we let go of resisting the life our Creator has given us; when we accept and embrace every aspect of our lives, that which is pleasurable – symbolized by the Etrog which is tasty and fragrant – as well as that which is painful – symbolized by the Aravot which are neither tasty nor fragrant.

The Lulav comes from date trees which are tasty but not fragrant. The Hadassim, are fragrant but not tasty. The four species therefore contain four possible combinations and symbolize the four types of life experiences: Whether we are able to “taste” the benefits in the present or only “smell” the benefits which are down the road.

There are experiences which are like the Aravot, without taste or smell: We see no benefit in them, not now and not in the future. These moments are the true tests of faith: Will we become despondent and bitter? Or will we draw strength from the knowledge that God, in His infinite wisdom, is guiding our lives for our ultimate good?

Do not hold the Aravot by themselves – focusing only on the bitter aspects of your life. Join them together with the Etrog, Lulav and Hadassim. When you appreciate the blessings in your life, your difficulties will become easier to bear. In addition, when you focus on all the good that God has done for you, it will be easier for you to have faith that from God comes only goodness, that even your challenges are for your benefit.

Perhaps another reason we hold the four species – the four types of life experiences – together as one is to underscore our belief that every aspect of our lives, both the bitter and blessed, come from God. We shake the species in all directions, symbolizing our willingness to be led by God in any direction He chooses. Our will is to do His will, even when it’s difficult, even when it’s painful.

During the prayer service, while embracing the four species – and as we embrace life – we recite the verse from Psalms (118:1), “Give thanks to God for He is good, for His kindness endures forever.” Wherever we go, we go with God, and there, His kindness awaits us.

After we awaken to God’s Kingship on Rosh Hashanah, and cleanse ourselves of sin on Yom Kippur, God invites us into His Sukkah.

The happiness we feel on Sukkot is much more than simple gratitude; our deepest source of joy is what God means to us and what we mean to Him.

Our repentance, prayers and acts of charity which prepared us to come closer to God and enter His Sukkah, bring Him tremendous satisfaction. In fact, the elation we experience on Sukkot stems not only from our joy over our closeness to God, but also from the awareness of His joy over our closeness to Him. To illustrate, when a husband senses the love and joy his wife feels over him, this intensifies his own love and joy over her. Each spouse nourishes the love and joy of the other, until their devotion merges and they become as one.

When repentance removes the spiritual barriers caused by sin, our sensitivity to God’s intense love and joy over us increases, which heightens within us those same feelings for Him. Embracing the will of our Creator enables the flowering of this love and joy; we become one with God, in a state of total devotion and utter surrender.

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Lessons From Chanukah: Clarity, Purity and Joy

Ever wonder why the Jewish New Year begins with three holidays one after the other, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkot, and then no Biblical holidays for another six months, till Passover?

Perhaps one answer is that God wants us to start off the New Year right. He created us to have a relationship with Him and at the beginning of each New Year, He gives us the tools we need to clear away obstacles to coming close to Him. These obstacles are a lack of clarity, purity or joy. Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkot, each address a different potential barrier to our relationship with God.

Chanukah, the first Rabbinic holiday following Sukkot, celebrates the rededication by the Maccabees of the Temple, recaptured from the Greeks in the 2nd century BCE. As we will discuss, Chanukah teaches us how to have more clarity, purity and joy. In Chanukah, the lessons of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkot coalesce.

The first obstacle to coming close to God is a lack of clarity. If we do not acknowledge who created us and why, how can we have a relationship with our Creator?

Crowning God as our King and Creator is a central theme of Rosh Hashanah. On the holiday, we ask ourselves, “How can I live my life as God intended when He created me?”

On Chanukah, we thank God for saving us from a spiritual threat. The Greeks wanted the Jews to assimilate and as the rampant assimilation of today makes painfully clear, identifying a spiritual menace is much more difficult than a physical one. The clarity of the Maccabees enabled them to recognize what was worth fighting for. We achieve clarity when we follow the example of the Maccabees and live our values, even at great personal sacrifice.

The second obstacle to coming close to God is a lack of purity. When a person sins, their connection to God weakens. Sometimes we become so sunken in impurity that we no longer feel God’s presence in our lives. Yom Kippur, through repentance, teaches us how to clear away accumulated impurities and invigorate our relationship with God.

After the Maccabees recaptured the Temple, which the Greeks had defiled, they were still able to find one ritually pure jug of oil to light the Menorah. The oil – only enough for one day – miraculously lasted for eight.

Each of us is a miniature temple housing the holy of holies, our souls. As in the story of Chanukah, our temple gets defiled by foreign influences. But even if we are covered in layers of filth, there will always remain a core of purity within – like that untouched jug of pure oil.

To access this purity, we must to do what the Maccabees did and clear away the contamination as best we can. Then we will discover an ever flowing wellspring of inner purity.

The third obstacle to coming close to God is a lack of joy. When life does not go as expected, we may get angry or bitter with God. This holds us back from having a close relationship with Him.

Sukkot, the festival of joy, occurs during the harvest season, a time of abundance. Part of the holiday’s festivity comes from our appreciation of the many blessings God has given us. A person is unable to feel bitterness and gratitude at the same time; the choice is therefore ours. Sukkot calls out to us, “Choose joy!”

In a study, Dr. Robert A. Emmons found that gratitude can increase our happiness by 25 percent. To increase your happiness, begin or end your day by expressing appreciation to God for at least one blessing in your life. Preferably speak to God out loud and in your native language. Elaborate on how you have benefited from the gift.

An alternative exercise is to ask yourself, “What has greatly enhanced the quality of my life?”

General categories include: Judaism, family, friends, emotional/physical health, a career, talents and abilities, money, possessions, food, shelter and clothing. After you have chosen something specific to focus on, read out loud the bold sentences below. Imagine a trusted confidante asking you the questions in quotes and pause after each question, tuning into the answer your body gives you. If one of the sentences does not resonate with you, leave it out for now.

I am God’s child. “How does it feel to be God’s child?” Out of His love for me, He gave me ___(say out loud the quality of life enhancer). This has enhanced my life by___(say out loud the benefits you receive from it). My Father gave this specifically to me, because He loves me. “How does it feel to be loved by your Father?” I am deeply grateful to my Father. “How does it feel to be grateful to your Father?”

Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale slowly through the mouth, allow yourself to completely let go of all stress and tension; do this for at least two exhalations. Then rest in the warm feeling of being loved and cared for by God.

You can repeat this process using different quality of life enhancers. You can do this exercise once a day or at least once a week. This exercise can help you have the insight that just as the clear blessings in your life are given to you by God for your benefit because He loves you, everything else in your life is also given to you by God out of His love for you. Although we do not understand how something specific is a manifestation of His love, the fact that God does love us is something we can see, feel and know.

Chanukah, a festival of thanksgiving, does not mark the end of the struggle against the Greeks; the fighting continued for another 22 years. Why didn’t the Jews wait until the end of the war to celebrate?

Perhaps to teach us the secret of gratitude: To savor and be grateful for every blessing, regardless of what else is going on. Even if your life feels like a warzone, like the Maccabees, find reasons to celebrate and be grateful.

Each day contains something to be appreciative of, a portal to joy and feeling God’s love for you. Every day, make a conscious decision to focus on and be grateful for what goes right. Savor and delight in life’s pleasures, enjoying them mindfully. When you notice something that benefits you, turn your attention to God and say to Him, “Thank you God!”

Search for blessings even within the painful aspects of your life. Do they contain a silver lining, positive aspects or opportunities? Could circumstances have easily been worse? What are signs of God’s help amidst your challenges?

In Rabbi David Ashear’s excellent book, Living Emunah, he suggests keeping a record of times God helped you in some way. You can keep the entries short and include even seemingly minor incidences. You will likely notice that the more you write down events, the more you recognize God’s hand in your life.

Many of us struggle with maintaining clarity, purity or joy. Pick the area which you feel most motivated to address. Choose one concrete step or change you will make to enhance that area. This way, the light of Chanukah will continue to guide you during the coming months.

A hidden world

The Hebrew word for world is olam. This is related to the Hebrew word, helaim, hidden. The Creator of the world is hidden. Life’s essence and purpose are hidden.

But God wants us to find Him – that’s why we’re here. So right away, at the start of each New Year, with the holidays of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkot, God gives us the tools we need to find Him.

These holidays enable us to peel away the layers concealing life’s essence. Rosh Hashanah leads us past the distractions – to clarity; Yom Kippur, past the forbidden desires – to purity; Sukkot, past the disappointments – to joy.

When everything extraneous has been removed, what is left at life’s core?

What is life really about?

Love and Joy. The love our Creator has for us and the joy of gratitude and closeness to Him.

On Chanukah, as we bask in the warm glow of the candles and recall the miracles of the past and present, we sense the love and feel the joy. 

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Abraham + Isaac + Jacob = You

In, “Lessons From Chanukah: Clarity, Purity and Joy,” we explored how these states help us come closer to God and to living a meaningful life. We can all access these states because their potential exists within our spiritual DNA; we inherited them from our Forefathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Abraham: clarity and kindness

Abraham, the first person to independently discover God, embodied clarity. He also taught us the importance of kindness (Micah 7:20). Clarity together with kindness forms a potent synergy. Here are some examples how:

We are naturally more compassionate to those whom we know went through tough times. With clarity comes the realization that we all have struggles; we all deserve attention, consideration and love. This is especially true for those who are frequently marginalized by society, e.g., orphans, converts, singles, widows, widowers, divorcees, senior citizens, those with disabilities, and children from single parent homes. Pick at least one person or family, and make guiding them your personal project (if you realize the person is not open to your assistance or mentoring, choose someone else). As the Sages teach, (Ethics of the Fathers 1:14), “…If I am [only] for myself, what am I?”

When we think of acts of kindness, we frequently only focus on the “big” acts: Visiting the sick, delivering meals to the needy etc. With clarity, we do not forget the “small” acts of kindness – the daily opportunities to be friendly, helpful and show interest in others. Other examples of acts we frequently consider small are having someone over for a meal, calling to see how someone is doing, giving a person a lift or sharing your expertise. The acts we may think of as small, frequently make a world of difference to the recipients.

Those without clarity may hyper-focus on the big acts of kindness while in other areas of their lives be hurtful and cause distress. With clarity we ensure that we are a force of goodness in all areas of our lives, including with our family, business associates and employees.

Those without clarity do acts of kindness that they feel like doing or that they would like done for them, but they may neglect to think about the unique needs of the recipient. With clarity, we show others empathy and find out what would be most helpful to them.

With clarity, comes the awareness that the opportunity to do acts of kindness is one of the key purposes of this world; in the Next World there are no sick or needy people. Every act of kindness we can do is a priceless opportunity, one which will only be available for a limited time.

Do kind acts with a smile and an open heart, without expecting anything in return – even a thank you. When we act with clarity, we are kind because that is God’s will; that is what we are here to do.

Isaac: moral strength

Isaac embodied purity and moral strength, his prime trait according to our Sages. To live with purity is to live with the awareness that we are before God always. We humble ourselves before Him and surrender to His will.

It is impossible to maintain a constant state of purity without occasional lapses. We have to frequently assess how we are doing in following the will of our Creator, seek guidance from others and make corrections as needed.

One lesson I have learned from writing is that unless you review your work multiple times and ask others for guidance – your writing is suboptimal. If you do not review your life regularly and ask others for guidance – your life is suboptimal, no better than a rough draft. Imagine the shame of handing in to your Creator a rough draft of your life – full of errors and omissions. Life’s goal is to hand in to God your masterpiece, the one you were meant to live.

Ask yourself, “When I meet my Creator and we go over the life I lived, are there any behaviors I will be ashamed of? What can I do now, while there is still time to correct those mistakes?”

The Sages teach, that when we go to Heaven, the sins we repent will not even be mentioned; we will have wiped them clean from our record.

Sometimes, we hold ourselves to an unreasonably high standard, continue to berate ourselves after we have already repented for a sin, or think that repenting for a sin will be too difficult. Seeking guidance from your spiritual mentor can help you avoid these common mistakes. Also, see “Debunking 5 Myths about Repentance.”

Jacob: happiness and integrity

Jacob embodied joy and distilled the essence of gratitude: Not to take anything for granted (Genesis 32:11). Another one of his attributes was truth (Micah 7:20). Integrity is the foundation for lasting joy; a dishonest person's happiness in this world is compromised by fear of being caught and pangs of guilt. In the World to Come that person's bliss will also be limited; ill-gotten gains, unless returned, create an eternal blemish. In contrast, honesty leads to joy, in this world – enjoying the fruits of hard-earned labor – and in the World to Come – eternal reward.

The Sages teach that God brought a flood during the times of Noah because of rampant theft. Even though the people of that generation committed far heinous crimes, it was theft which sealed their fate. Why?

The seal of God is truth (Tractate Yoma 69b). Everything God creates has an aspect of this seal within. When a person is dishonest, they violate creation at its core and bring destruction upon themselves and the world. In contrast, when a person is honest, they strengthen themselves and the world.

The prophet Micah summarized the whole Torah when he said (Micah 6:8), “…What does Hashem require of you but to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God.” Each of the Forefathers parallels the three points Micah made. Doing justice – integrity – that is Jacob. Loving kindness, that is Abraham. Walking humbly with God and maintaining the awareness of His presence in our lives, that is Isaac.

Perhaps the reason Micah ordered these three the way he did and not in the chronological order of the Forefathers, is to teach us the order we have to address these areas. First, ensure that you are honest and ethical. If you are not, your acts of kindness and Divine service will be tainted. Then make sure you are charitable and kind. Once you have met basic standards in how to treat God’s other children – avoiding harm and doing good – then strengthen your observance of the commandments between you and God, the ways you walk humbly with Him. (This is speaking in general terms. Talk to your rabbi or spiritual mentor for personalized guidance.)

The foundation of all three

Underlying clarity, purity and joy is the recognition that we are children of the Almighty. Try the following exercise to assist in feeling as a visceral experience that God is your Father in Heaven. Read out loud the bold sentences below. Imagine a trusted confidante asking you the questions in quotes and pause after each question, tuning into the answer your body gives you. If one of the sentences does not resonate with you, leave it out for now.

I am God’s child. “How does it feel to be God’s child?” My Father loves me. “How does it feel to be loved by your Father?” My Father is always by my side. “How does it feel to have your Father always by your side?” My Father is the all-powerful King of the world. “How does it feel to have a Father who is the King of the world?” I am a prince/princess, the son/daughter of the King of kings. “How does it feel to be a prince/princess, the son/daughter of the King of kings?” My Father has given me awesome abilities. “How does it feel to have awesome abilities?” I can handle my difficulties. “How does it feel to know you can handle your difficulties?” I can rise above my challenges. “How does it feel to know you can rise above your challenges?” I can triumph. “How does it feel to know you can triumph?”

If you don’t feel like a billion bucks and your heart isn’t soaring, then you’re not there yet. With practice, your ability to tap into the positive feelings will grow. This exercise will help give you the clarity to act with purity, befitting your Divine and royal lineage. These thoughts will fill you with confidence and joy, lifting you up when you need encouragement.

The next time you lack clarity on how to act, feel yourself weakening in the face of temptation, or feel weighed down by life’s difficulties, do the above exercise. Then ask yourself, “How does the son/daughter of the King of kings act? How does the royal prince/princess act? How does my Father, the King, want me to act?” These questions will help you honor your values (clarity), maintain your self-respect (purity) and know your innate worth (joy).

Our Creator gave us awesome potential. Key tools to help us reach our Divine potential are clarity, purity and joy. As a descendant of the Forefathers, you have these states waiting within. Come claim your inheritance and become the person you were meant to be.

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The Hidden Side of the Ten Commandments

On Shavuot, we celebrate God giving us the Torah, represented by the Ten Commandments. We will explore each one through a broad lens, showing how they apply to our daily lives.

Looking over the commandments, you will notice that some are phrased in the positive, e.g., keep Shabbat, while others are phrased in the negative, e.g., do not steal. For the seven commandments phrased in the negative, which tell us what not to do, we will discuss both sides: The negative – avoiding what God hates – and the hidden side, the positive – doing what He loves.

The Ten Commandments start off utilizing this pattern of polar opposites. The First Commandment, “I am Hashem your God… (Exodus 20:2)” is the positive formulation and the converse of the Second Commandment, prohibiting idol worship. Perhaps this dual formulation teaches us to consider both sides of the rest of the commandments.

The First Commandment is where God introduces Himself to us in order to have a relationship. Developing a relationship with God includes getting to know Him (Torah study), talking and listening to Him (prayer and observances), and helping His children (acts of kindness).

The Second Commandment, prohibiting idol worship, is applicable even today. In excess, material goals and desires become modern day idols, compromising our relationship with God. Ask yourself, “How can I minimize the distractions in my life and make my relationship with God a priority?”

The Third Commandment: Prohibition of vain oaths with God’s name. This also includes any form of desecrating His name (chilul Hashem). The converse is sanctifying His name (kiddush Hashem). Ask, “What can I do or refrain from doing, to bring more esteem to my people and my God?”

The Fourth Commandment: Keeping Shabbat. By setting aside mundane pursuits, Shabbat is an opportunity for spiritual renewal, through song and celebration, Torah study and prayer. It is a time to deepen our relationships with our families and with our Creator. Ask, “What can I do on Shabbat that will enable me to tap into the exalted holiness of the day?”

The Fifth Commandment: Honoring our parents. We honor them by speaking and acting respectfully, offering assistance, promptly fulfilling their reasonable requests, and calling and visiting. To illustrate, bring to mind someone for whom you have the utmost respect. Now imagine the way you would speak and act toward them. That is the way to speak and act toward our parents.

Sometimes our parents’ behavior – in the past or present – makes this commandment very challenging. When in doubt, seek guidance on how best to honor your parents in your unique situation.

When we recognize that we can never do enough for our parents, we will realize that we can never do enough for our Creator. Whatever He asks of us – for our benefit – is nothing compared to the gift of life and blessings He gives us.

We honor God in similar ways as we honor our parents: By speaking respectfully (praying with concentration and refraining from talking during the service), acting respectfully (with humility and modesty), fulfilling His requests as best we can (outlined in His Torah), and visiting Him (in the synagogue, study hall, or in His land – Israel – or by moving to Israel to be closer to our Father). Ask, “What can I do to show my devotion to my parents and to my Father?”

The Sixth Commandment: Prohibition of murder. The Sages teach that embarrassing a person is a form of murder. When we apologize after causing someone emotional pain, we invigorate them, giving back the life we took. The converse of this commandment is to give life, bringing children into the world and teaching them – especially by example – to care about God and His Torah.

There are other ways we give life. Have you ever noticed that after giving someone a sincere compliment, encouragement or help, they stand a little taller? You have just infused them with life. Ask, “Whom can I apologize to, compliment, encourage or help? Whom can I mentor and guide? How can I be a better role model to my children, and/or friends and relatives?”

The Seventh Commandment: Prohibition of adultery. This also includes other forbidden relations. God calls us a holy nation (Exodus 19:6) and we maintain our purity by avoiding forbidden behavior and thoughts. By sanctifying the most intimate act – through the laws of Family Purity – we bring holiness to our very core. Ask, “What can I do or refrain from doing, to bring more holiness into my life?”

The Eighth Commandment: Prohibition of stealing. Theft includes taking or damaging what is not ours, borrowing without permission, being late in agreed upon payments or withholding monies belonging to others. The converse of this commandment is to be charitable and generous, not being petty and insisting on getting everything we might be entitled to.

The towering sage, the Chafetz Chayim, writes sobering words about theft in his Sfat Tamim (quoted from www.chafetzchayim.org, bracketed sections are mine). “If it is apparent that a particular man is committing these crimes (lying and deceiving) yet his wealth remains intact, with absolute certainty his wealth is only being preserved to his detriment, as the pasuk [verse] states (Devarim [Deuteronomy] 7:10) “and He pays back to His enemies right to their face to destroy them,” and in his end he will be despicable in Olam Haba [the next world]. He will knash his teeth, and his children will beg for food, because when money acquired illegally is intermixed with money legitimately obtained, one annihilates the other…”

A common misconception is that if a person is able to get his or her hands on money, without getting into trouble with the law, then that money is de facto legitimate and kosher. Not so. If a person violated Jewish law to get those funds, that money is still treif. Treif money burns like hot coals – both in this world and the next. The longer people hold onto ill-gotten gains, the more damage they do to themselves and their families.

In contrast, there is tremendous satisfaction in being impeccably honest and knowing that our integrity has not been sullied. When we do the right thing, as defined by Jewish law, regardless of whether anyone compels us to do so, we show God that His will is our primary focus. Instead of asking, “What can I get away with?” Ask, “What is the halacha, Jewish law? How does God want me to act in this situation?” To find out, talk to a rabbi who is an expert in Jewish law.

The Ninth Commandment: Prohibition of testifying falsely against each other. This also includes other forms of harmful speech, e.g., making hurtful remarks to people or gossiping about them. Not only is gossip forbidden, even listening to gossip is sinful. Once we realize someone is about to speak poorly about another, we can employ one of the following three strategies: (1) Change the topic, (2) tell them, “Let’s talk about something else,” or (3) end the conversation, e.g., “Gotta run. Talk to you later.” With practice, we can become adept at spotting gossip and steering clear of it.

The converse of this commandment is to be truthful and keep our word. In addition, to use our words not to tear people down, but to build them up by encouraging and complimenting them.

The opposite of being “against each other” is to avoid conflicts, whenever possible. We can do this by apologizing for our share of a disagreement and giving in a little, for the sake of peace. In addition, many times a neutral third party – a rabbi or Bet Din (Jewish court) – can resolve even a long standing dispute.

Another opposite of being “against each other” is to be for each other – to look out for the interests of others. Ask, “Whom can I help this week?” Some examples: Giving emotional, financial or physical support, advice, or helping someone find a job, a spouse or a needed resource.

The Tenth Commandment: Prohibition of coveting. This includes pressuring a person to sell, or give a gift or loan.

There are other forbidden forms of harassment, e.g., bullying and intimidating people with words, threats or lawyers to get them to do what we want. Even if we have altruistic intentions, the ends do not justify the means.

Harassment of others frequently takes place with people we would not consider our competitors. Often, we do not realize the effect we have on others – especially subordinates, employees or family members – who may feel coerced by us to do things they do not want. Those who are stubborn, strong willed or have aggressive tendencies, are especially at risk of engaging in this type of sinful behavior.

The converse of coveting is appreciating what we have, and asking ourselves, “What has God already given me that I will thank Him for?”

The Ten Commandments are broad categories of the entire Torah. Many of us struggle with at least one category. Perhaps the opportunity to strengthen and repair that area is a key reason God sent our souls from Heaven into this world; it is our moment of truth. Ask, “Which commandment and its subcategories will I focus on being better in?”

Imagine a society where everyone observed the Ten Commandments; we long for such a peaceful and spiritual world. This and more will happen when the Messiah comes. By becoming living examples of the Ten Commandments, we illuminate the world with His glory, ushering in a time when, “…The earth will be full of the knowledge of God, as the waters cover the sea (Isaiah 11:9).”

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