Adar I: Enhancing Our Joy

Dear Friends,

This is a post about the Jewish month of Adar I as it relates to The Chazak Plan: A 12 Month Journey to Spiritual Strength.

This year is a Jewish leap year which means that there are two months of Adar. Purim is celebrated in the second Adar. Rosh Chodesh for this month is this Friday and Shabbat, January 31st and February 1st. The month of Adar I begins on Shabbat.

Our Sages teach that with the arrival of Adar we increase our joy, culminating in the festival of Purim. Purim commemorates the salvation of the Jewish people during the Persian exile.

Six tools to enhance our moods are: Gratitude, acceptance, self-compassion, expressing ourselves, addressing festering issues and making lifestyle enhancements (these tools are discussed in the readings below). Many times, even just using one tool will help us feel better and increase our enjoyment of life.

After reading the articles, choose one tool which you will utilize this month. Then, decide on the one change, technique or behavior, related to the tool, which you will do on a daily or regular basis, for at least this month. Use your own checklist or the Daily Checklist Template to track how often you do it.

Readings for the month:

3-Dimensional Acceptance: A Pathway to Peace and Power

6 Tools to Enhance Your Mood

The 2 Forms of Divine Providence: Purim and Passover

Please help spread the word about The Chazak Plan to family and friends.

Take care, and may God grant you success in the coming month,

Yaakov

On Aish.com: 10 Ways to Tackle Your Challenges

Dear Friends,

Aish published a version of my article, “How to Overcome Your Challenges: 10 Ways.”

Please click on the link to access the article.
http://www.aish.com/sp/pg/10-Ways-to-Tackle-Your-Challenges.html

If you like the article, please share it with family and friends.

Thank you and take care,

Yaakov

3-Dimensional Acceptance: A Pathway to Peace and Power

Our attitude toward life exists on a spectrum. On one side is total resistance, where we resist anything we do not like. On the other side is total acceptance, where we accept life as it is. Generally speaking, the closer our attitude is to the side of resistance, the more irritable, depressed and anxious we feel. The more we shift our attitude toward one of acceptance, the more peaceful, content and calm we will feel.

At the root of resistance is often a sense of entitlement. When people think they are entitled for their lives to be a certain way, they expect life be that way. When life does not go as expected – which it rarely does – they become distressed.

We have to question our sense of entitlement. When we were born, did God give us any guarantees or make any promises?

In truth, nothing is coming to us. Everything we have is an undeserved gift from God for which we must be grateful. Once we are ready to let go of our sense of entitlement, we are ready to reap the rewards of acceptance.

There are three dimensions of acceptance: Accepting your present circumstances, accepting yourself and accepting other people.

Accepting your present circumstances

To do this, trust that God is guiding your life and doing what is best for you, even though you do not understand how. Do not resign yourself to a situation, work toward a better tomorrow, even as you make peace with the way things are. God wants you to do what you can to improve your life, while at the same time accepting each challenge as His will and for your eternal benefit.

Comparing your life to others undermines acceptance. For example, you may think, “Why can’t my life be like theirs? Why can’t I have a wonderful spouse, great kids, good health and earn a comfortable living?” To counter this, say to yourself, “God gives each person what they need to fulfill their unique purpose in life. If they have those blessings, then they need them. If I don’t have them now, then right now, I don’t need them.” Turn your attention to what you do have; be grateful for your talents, gifts and blessings. Use them to find meaning and fulfillment now.

To gauge your level of acceptance, note the level of tension you feel when you think about a difficult issue. The more you are able to accept a situation, the more relaxed and calm you will be when thinking about it.

Choose one of the following three breathing techniques, to enhance your acceptance of a challenge, and use it regularly:

(1) Think while slowly breathing in, “This is God’s will” and while slowly breathing out, “I accept this.”

(2) Think while slowly breathing in, “God is with me” and while slowly breathing out, “I relax into my Father’s support.”

(3) Think while slowly breathing in, “God is with me” and while slowly breathing out, “God is giving me ____.” (Fill in the mindset you need to deal with a challenge, e.g., peace, comfort, strength, courage, patience, acceptance etc.)

When we view our difficulties as bad, we resist and say “No!” to them. With faith in God, we can shift our attitude from “No!” to “OK” and sometimes, even to “Yes!”

Saying “Yes!” to your issues does not mean you like them or that things will work out the way you want. It means you realize that your challenges are from a loving God and that in some way – often beyond your comprehension – you will benefit from them.

The next time you have a difficulty, think “Yes!” If no one is around, repeat this word out loud with feeling, while pumping your fists triumphantly in the air, confident that God will help you overcome.

When faced with a challenge, an alternative to saying “Yes!” is to tell yourself enthusiastically, “It’s going to be great!” You don’t know how or when – in this world or the next – but somehow you will gain from this challenge; it will be a steppingstone to achieving greatness.

For some situations, less exuberant statements are more appropriate. Here are some to choose from: “It’s going to be good,” “This will work out,” “I can handle this,” “I can do this,” “I can get through this,” “I will triumph,” “I will overcome,” or, “I can overcome this.” Once you have found the phrase that feels most empowering, say it whenever you think about or encounter a difficulty.

Accepting yourself

Do you accept yourself the way you are?

If not, then you have not yet accepted God’s will, because God created you the way you are. None of us is perfect. God created each one of us with a unique set of weaknesses and strengths. By overcoming our weaknesses and developing our strengths, we best fulfill our life’s purpose. Do not berate yourself over a weakness you may have; just do the best you can. God knows what He is doing and He created every aspect of your life for your highest good.

Sometimes we think, “I like this part of myself but not that part.” We only think this way because of our limited understanding of what is beneficial to us. If we shared God’s perspective, we would love every aspect of ourselves, just as our Father in Heaven does. We would realize how each part coalesces to enable us to fulfill our life’s mission.

Part of accepting yourself is accepting how you feel. Often, when we feel depressed or anxious, we get upset with ourselves and ask, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be more positive or calm?” There are a number of contributing factors to your mood, some you can control, others you cannot. Keep a list of what has helped boost your mood in the past and do them when you feel down or anxious. But if those do not help, then accept your painful emotions as they are; do not be afraid of them or try to get rid of them. Instead, focus on what is within your control and engage in meaningful and fulfilling activities.

How do you know if you accept yourself? You have not yet fully accepted yourself if you frequently say, “I should have done X,” “Why didn’t I do X?” Or, “I’m such a fool for not doing X!” People who accept themselves do not berate themselves over the past; instead, they focus on changes they will make in the future and say, “Next time, I’ll do X,” or, “Next time, I’ll do better.”

When you are upset with yourself over a mistake, ask, “What did I learn from this and what will I do differently in the future?” Then ask, “Do I need to ask someone or God for forgiveness?” If yes, do so. If not, or afterward, think while slowly breathing in, “I did my best,” or, “Next time, I’ll do better,” and while slowly breathing out, “I forgive myself.” Alternatively, look in the mirror, think about the mistake and say out loud, “I forgive myself.”

Accepting other people

Acceptance plays a role in our relationships with others. If we do not accept others, we may get upset with the way they act and try to change them; they will sense being judged and resent it. In addition to accepting our own flaws, we have to accept the imperfections of others. When people notice our nonjudgmental attitude, they will often be more open to improving.

At the same time, if people try to infringe upon our rights or take advantage of us, we have to be assertive and stand up for ourselves. In addition, parents, while accepting the uniqueness of each child, should not tolerate unacceptable behavior. They should give their children clear guidelines of appropriate behavior and the consequences of not following those guidelines.

Part of accepting other people, is accepting what they think of us, without being bothered by their opinions. A surprising amount of emotional pain is caused by wanting others to like us, i.e., being a people-pleaser. When we think that others think poorly of us or dislike us, we often feel distressing emotions: Hurt, depression, anxiety, or self-loathing.

It is important to treat others well; if we make a mistake and cause a person distress, we have to promptly apologize and make amends when applicable. But needing others to approve of us is damaging. It fills us with angst and we rehash what they said and meant; frequently, we read into statements things they never intended. As has been said, what others think of you is none of your business.

We only need approval from God. It doesn’t matter what others think of us. As far as we’re concerned, even the whole world can think we’re crazy; they did about our Forefather Abraham, and we are here today because of what he stood for.

Sometimes, people give us constructive feedback, which can potentially be very helpful. But, if we are overly concerned about the opinion of others, we will often get defensive, make excuses and disregard on target criticism. Instead, thank them for their comment. If you realize they are right, let them know that. If you are not sure, tell them that you will give their comment serious consideration.

Even though we should not be fixated on what others think of us, their opinions can be a valuable source of feedback. For example, you will learn a lot by asking others how you are doing in a particular area, or ways you can improve. In addition, if someone is acting aloof, find out if you mistreated them in any way. But if you are not at fault, then their attitude is their issue, not yours.

To neutralize emotional pain caused by an approval-seeking mindset, ask yourself, “Am I upset because I want them to think highly of me?” If yes, and you did not do anything wrong, then tell yourself, “God approves of me and that’s enough.”

We are drawn to people who are accepting. They make the most of difficult circumstances and enjoy the blessings in their lives. They let go of the past and live in the present, accepting each moment as it comes, while doing what they can to enhance their lives. They accept and feel good about themselves, appreciating their good qualities and not getting worked up over their weaknesses. They know what they do well and focus on doing that as much as possible. They accept others the way they are; no one needs to put on a show for them. They are comfortable in their skin. They do not seek the approval of others or feel a need to put on a façade; if people like them, great, if not, they move on to other relationships. These individuals do not belong to an exclusive club; you too can join their ranks.

Give acceptance a try. The next time you feel emotional distress, ask yourself, “What am I resisting?” Or, “What was I expecting to be different than the way it is? My present circumstances, myself or other people?” Then ask, “Can I accept it the way it is?”

If not yet, then use the techniques in this article and see if you can shift your mindset even just a little toward the side of acceptance. Remind yourself, “What do I gain by resisting or rejecting aspects of my life? If that’s the way things are, that’s the way they’re supposed to be – at least for the time being.” When possible, focus on improving a situation, but first accept it. Then you will act from a place of peace and power.

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How to Overcome Your Challenges: 10 Ways

Ever notice that throughout our lives we’re always struggling with something?

Instead of feeling down over your difficulties, here are 10 strategies to overcome them.

1. Make a game plan. Try to get outside input from those you respect. (If there’s no one you can ask, often a recommended therapist can be very helpful.) Focus especially on the next step you will take to address your issue. Even if you have no idea how you will overcome the challenge, be optimistic things will work out; with God’s help, anything is possible.

Include in your game plan ways you will use the challenge as a catalyst for growth, to become a better and more spiritual person. (This topic is discussed in, ““Why?” 5 Reasons for Suffering.”)

Periodically review your plan to see if it is working or if you have to make changes. At the same time, accept that your challenges are given to you by a loving God for your benefit and that you will grow from them.

2. Keep your cool. When dealing with difficulties, patience is needed. Frantic and desperate measures are unlikely to help; these drain you physically, emotionally and financially. Success and healing come from God. He has ordained the precise time and manner by which you will receive your blessings. All you need to do is make reasonable, persistent efforts and ask God for help; leave the rest to Him.

3. Forgive. Often, we blame others or ourselves for our problems; this only exacerbates our pain and distracts us from addressing the issue. Ultimately, everything comes from God for our highest good. The question is not, “Who can I blame?” The question is, “How can I grow and overcome this?” (At the same time, when appropriate, we can still hold others accountable for their behavior). For more on forgiveness, see, “The Freedom of Forgiveness: 3 Strategies to Letting Go.”

4. Avoid dwelling on your problems. Often, what wears us down most is not the actual problem; but the constant thinking about it, when we spend our days and nights consumed with the issue. Have a set time when you think about and update your game plan. In addition, have a set time when you express your pain, either to God, a friend, family member, therapist or in your journal. The rest of the time, try to keep your mind elsewhere.

When you notice yourself dwelling on your problems, gently shift your attention to other thoughts. Each day, take your mind off your difficulties by doing something relaxing, enjoyable or fulfilling. Some examples: Read inspirational stories, sing or listen to music, recite Psalms with understanding, meditate, set a meaningful goal and work toward completing it, declutter, engage in creative activities, spend time with family and friends, volunteer, go to lectures, or study inspirational Torah teachings.

5. Live life. You may think, “When will this problem be over with already, so I can get on with my life?” The truth is, right now, this is your life. This is the best use of your time and how you currently fulfill your life’s purpose.

That being said, don’t put your life on hold just because you’re struggling in one area. Continue to strive and accomplish whatever meaningful pursuits God enables you to. Give yourself permission to be happy and enjoy life, as best you can. Throughout the day, look for reasons to smile or laugh. Having a slight smile on your face, even for no reason, can shift your mindset to a more positive one.

6. Help others. Even if your life is full of struggles, see how you can be of service to other people. We’re all in this together; by assisting each other, we will get through our difficulties.

7. Focus on what’s going right. When dealing with an issue, our tendency is to hyper focus on the difficulty, to the exclusion of everything else. Instead, make sure to notice and appreciate your blessings, savoring and delighting in each one. Also consider the silver lining of your challenges and the ways God is sending you relief amidst your pain.

8. Realize everyone has difficulties. Often, we compare our lives to others, especially the airbrushed Facebook versions, and wonder, “Why can’t my life be like theirs? Why is my life so full of struggle?” But we are only seeing a small part of the overall picture. If we knew all their struggles, psychological problems or family difficulties, we would prefer to keep our own strengths and blessings, even if they come with challenges.

9. Take care of yourself. Don't overextend yourself. Many times, we become so consumed with our difficulties that we neglect our health, which only makes matters worse. As best you can, eat nutritious meals and get adequate sleep and exercise.

Set clear boundaries as to what you can and cannot do. For example, if you are caring for a child, spouse or parent who is in the hospital, decide how many days a week you can go, how many hours you can stay and how many nights you can sleep over, before it takes a toll on you. Then elicit the help of others to fill in the gaps.

10. Reach out for support. There are three sources of support. The first is God. Unburden yourself to Him; tell Him about your struggles and fears and ask for His help. If you feel overwhelmed and are having trouble coping, tell Him that and ask Him to strengthen you. Remember, God says to us (Isaiah 41:13), “For I am God, your God, who takes hold of your right hand, and says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’” 

The second is other people. Let them know what you need, whether it is emotional or material support, or both. Don’t be ashamed; everyone needs help at some point. One reason God puts people in this world is to give them the chance to help others; do not deprive them of this opportunity.

When asking others for help, be respectful of their time and appreciative of their efforts. Include as many people as possible in your support network, so that you do not overburden anyone.

Depending on the issue, you may want to consult with an agency based social worker to see if there are any social services available to you. In addition, is there an organization that provides support for people in your situation? If not, consider starting one; that’s how many organizations where founded.

The third source of support is ourselves. We need to talk to ourselves with words of compassion and encouragement. Show yourself the same kindness, warmth and care you would show a family member or friend who is going through a tough time.

Life involves struggles. Instead of trying to avoid them, use strategies to meet your challenges head on and triumph.


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Shvat: Elevating the Physical

Dear Friends,

God willing, before each Hebrew month, I will be posting about that month from The Chazak Plan.

Rosh Chodesh and the first day of the month of Shvat is this Thursday, January 2nd.

The 15th of Shvat is Tu B’Shvat, the New Year for trees. An aspect of this holiday is celebrating and elevating the physical. Part of sanctifying the physical is taking care of the body with which God entrusted you. During this month, choose to upgrade either your sleep, exercise or diet habits.

Pick one change you will make on a daily or regular basis, for at least this month, and using your own checklist or the Daily Checklist Template, track how often you do it; if you find the change very easy, add another one. Some examples: Go to sleep 15-20 minutes earlier each week until you feel refreshed in the morning; exercise 2-3 times a week or go for a daily brisk walk; cut out sugary drinks and/or foods from your diet. Making water your preferred beverage is a great place to start. If you don’t like the way your water tastes, consider getting a filter.

I came across a new book which has 50 suggestions for enhancing your health. You’re likely to find something which resonates with you. The title of the book is One Simple Change: Surprisingly Easy Ways to Transform Your Life by Winnie Abramson. You can read many of her ideas for free on her blog. Please note, a number of her suggestions are non-conventional, but interesting nonetheless.

Another point of focus for this month is to consider if there is an area of your life which has become unbalanced and excessive, e.g., overeating, overspending, overworking, overuse of the internet etc. Most of us have at least one area which, at a minimum, wastes our time and takes us away from more fulfilling activities. This month, after reading the suggested reading below, pick one behavior to reign in and one behavior you’d like to do more of instead.

Reading for the month: Overcoming our Soft Addictions.

If you found this post helpful, please help spread the word about The Chazak Plan by sharing it with family and friends. You can use the icons at the end of this post to do so.

Take care, and may God grant you success in the coming month,

Yaakov

The Chazak Plan on Aish.com

Dear Friends,

Aish.com published an abridged version of The Chazak Plan entitled, "Meaningful Resolutions: A 12-month plan for spiritual growth." Please click on the title to access.

Take care,

Yaakov

The Chazak Plan: A 12 Month Journey to Spiritual Strength

Each year, more than a third of Americans make New Year’s resolutions. Yet, only 8% are successful. Why?

Many goals lack achievability or accountability. If a goal is too big or if you have too many of them, they lack achievability. If a goal is too vague and cannot be measured, it lacks accountability.

Many of us want to become better people, more spiritual, and fulfill the purpose for which God created us. That is a noble but big goal. How do we break that down into small steps – giving it achievability? How do we track our progress – giving our goal accountability?

The Chazak Plan is formulated to address this issue. This plan focuses on one area each month. The topics are general enough so that you will benefit regardless of your background.

The Hebrew word Chazak means, “Be strong.” Each of us was born weak, both physically and spiritually. As we got older, our bodies strengthened, but what about our souls? Are they any more developed than they were when we were kids?

The purpose of life is to strengthen our souls. This 12-month plan shows you how.

Each month, choose a specific behavior related to the theme of the month, which you aim to do daily or weekly for at least a month. Add this behavior to your checklist to keep track of how often you do it.

At the beginning of every month, decide whether you will continue the previous month’s goal and add to your checklist the new change you will make for the coming month. Regardless of how the previous month went, begin anew with an invigorated start.

At the beginning of the day, read your checklist and aim to fulfill each entry at the earliest opportunity, or at a designated time. As you do each entry, put a check mark by it and give yourself positive reinforcement. At the end of the day, read over the sheet and perform any entries you have not done yet. When you lapse, encourage yourself to begin the next day with a fresh start.

In the beginning, you can pick mini rewards to give yourself for meeting your weekly goals. A reward can be a piece of chocolate, downloading a song track, or even just praising yourself for the achievement. Pick a reward that gives you something to look forward to. Soon, you will not need external rewards and the positive feelings which come with keeping your commitment and engaging in meaningful activities will be sufficient.

If possible, do this plan with a partner with whom you schedule weekly check-ins to encourage each other and discuss how you both did the previous week.

If you find that on a regular basis you are not performing your entry, do one or more of the following:

(1) Set an alarm or another reminder to make sure it is not a matter of forgetting.

(2) Try a different reward, one that is more enticing.

(3) Temporarily lower the bar or phrase the goal with a low and high range, so you are at least able to achieve the low range and then work up toward the high one. If that does not help, pick a different goal, one you are more motivated to achieve.

This plan is based on the Hebrew months and you can start the plan at any point. The Hebrew months are used because each one contains innate spiritual power which you will be tapping into. Also utilize the power of prayer, by asking God to help you achieve your goals.

Here is an outline of the topics covered each month, followed by a discussion of the month:

Elul: Repentance

Tishrei: Torah study

Cheshvan: Prayer

Kislev: Gratitude

Tevet: Faith

Shvat: Overcoming addictions

Adar: Enhancing our health and joy

Nissan: Spiritual spring cleaning

Iyar: Enhancing our relationships

Sivan: Living the Torah’s wisdom

Tammuz: Forgiveness

Av: Kindness

Elul: Repentance

Elul is the month before Rosh Hashanah, and is the time of year we take stock of our lives and prepare for the High Holidays. Most of us have at least one area in which we struggle; perhaps it is being ethical in business, being moral, being charitable and kind, learning more Torah, refraining from hurting others, or an area of observance we are ready to strengthen. 

Pick one area on which to focus and choose a manageable change you will make on a daily or at least weekly basis; input this change into your calendar or checklist. If possible, speak to your rabbi or spiritual mentor for guidance. The focus on repentance continues into next month until after Yom Kippur.

During Elul, we ask others for forgiveness for the times we wronged them, as Yom Kippur alone does not atone for those sins.

The main ways people harm others is financially or emotionally. Examples of emotional harm: making hurtful comments, gossiping about them or being hypercritical. Being well intentioned is not an excuse. There is often at least one person in our lives, whether at work, at home or in our family, that we are not treating appropriately. That has to stop. Now.

Examples of financial harm: withholding money that belongs to others or not giving partners their fair share of a partnership - even temporarily - not paying back money you owe when you are able to do so, using underhanded or dishonest methods to enrich yourself, or using your position of power to get your way, for example, to stamp out competition or to coerce people into signing agreements that are not in their best interest. If you have done any of these in the past and you have not apologized and made amends, now is the time to do so. 

The lure of money often clouds people’s judgment leading them to act in ways that are not in keeping with their general conduct. Some examples: A person may treat their family and associates well, but mistreat their workers. A person may be very generous with friends and family, but are stingy when it comes to giving charity. A person may give generously to charity, but when it comes to money matters they act ruthless. Lastly, a person may look the other way when their partner is acting unethically, even when they know it is wrong. Because of this money bias, carefully review how you have conducted your affairs, both with business associates and family members, to make sure that your behavior was above board. When in doubt, consult with a rabbi expert in monetary laws. 

During the High Holidays we pray for our life and the lives of our family members. What we want most is for our prayers to be accepted by God. Yet, the Sages teach (Shemos Rabbah 22:3) “Anyone whose hands are soiled with stolen wealth, when he calls out to the Holy One blessed is He, (God) does not answer him.” Before we spend hours in prayer before God, we need to make sure that our hands are clean from ill-gotten gains, as Job said (Job 16:17), “For there is no robbery in my hands and my prayer is pure.” One’s prayer is pure and accepted by God, only after they have first removed the robbery from their hands. 

This month, compile a list of those you have hurt. One by one, go through the list and apologize and make amends if applicable. If you have trouble with one name, skip it for now and come back to it later. If you can’t think of anyone to apologize to, think about if there’s anyone you are in conflict with, or someone who is upset with you. While they may be partially to blame, likely you share some blame as well. If you take responsibility for your part, they will often take responsibility for theirs.

During the month of Elul it is customary to study works on ethical development. One classic is The Path of the Just by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto. You can either study it from the beginning, or start with Chapter 11, which covers key areas of conduct, and then go back and study the rest of this work. Chapter 11 can be found here. Another classic is Duties of the Heart by Rabbi Bachya ibn Pekuda. You can either study it from the beginning (the first gate is often not studied nowadays), or you can study the third chapter of The Gate of Introspection, where there is a list of 30 fundamental ideas. Aim to study one idea each day of Elul and finish it in time for Rosh Hashanah. You can read the third chapter in English here.

As the High Holidays involve reciting many prayers, for suggestions on how to enhance your prayers, see, “How to Unlock the Hidden Power of Prayer.”

Questions for the month:

“Which area do I struggle with that I’m motivated to address this Elul and what commitment will I make?”

“Who have I wronged but never apologized and made amends? When will I contact them?”

Tishrei: Torah study

Until after Yom Kippur, the focus on repentance continues. If you have not done so already during the month of Elul, there is still time before Yom Kippur to choose an area of your life to upgrade and to apologize to those who you have wronged.

After Yom Kippur, the focus switches to the festivals of Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah. On Simchat Torah, we celebrate the completion of the yearly cycle of the Five Books of Moses and begin a new cycle with the book of Genesis. Now is a great time to join this annual study of the Bible. There is tremendous spiritual power in learning the same portion studied by millions of Jews around the world. Next Simchat Torah, when you finish the Bible, your celebration of the holiday will be even more meaningful.

Spend time each week learning the weekly Torah portion – there are many excellent articles, translations and commentaries available, e.g., The Stone Edition Chumash and The Gutnick Edition Chumash (sections of The Gutnick Chumash can be read for free here). Preferably, each day, study 1/7th of the weekly portion (also known as an aliya) or study the whole portion on Shabbat.

If possible, study at least weekly with a partner, either the Bible or a different area of the Torah. To find a partner, you can contact your local synagogue, kollel, or go to http://www.partnersintorah.org/, who will pair you with a partner free of charge.

Torah study nourishes the soul as food nourishes the body. Study Torah every day of your life – even if only for a few minutes, e.g., reading an article, a few pages from a book, or listening to a class during your commute or while exercising. Preferably, have a set inviolate time for Torah study. Input into your checklist what and when you will study.

Two important areas of Torah to study are (A) teachings which inspire you and (B) Jewish law – so you know how to act.

There are many cycles of sections of the Torah that are currently being studied. Such as cycles to finish Nach, Talmud or Mishnah. There are many very engaging teachers who offer free resources to join in the cycle and study together with thousands of others around the globe.

Questions for the month:

“Which translation or commentary on the Bible will I use for the upcoming annual cycle?”

“What area of Torah am I currently most drawn to? Who can I study it with, or from which resources?”

“Is there a particular cycle of Torah study that I want to join, such as Nach Yomi, Talmud (Daf Yomi, Amud Yomi or Daf Hashavua), Mishnah Yomi or Halacha Yomis?” (outorah.org hosts many of these cycles).

Cheshvan: Prayer

On the 7th of Cheshvan, in Israel, prayers for rain begin. For this month, focus on enhancing your prayers. You can pick a section of the prayers to say daily with understanding and input this into your checklist. In addition or instead, you can recite daily one Psalm with understanding (longer Psalms can be read over two to three days).

One type of prayer, popularized by Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, is called Hitbodedut; this is where we talk out loud to God in our native language, unburdening ourselves to Him. Try this daily practice for at least a week, preferably a month. See if it helps you feel closer to God and to feeling His support and guidance.

Part of upgrading our prayers is showing reverence for the sanctuary, and not talking during the prayer service.

Even while we pray for help in specific areas of our lives, we surrender to God, acknowledging that only He knows what is truly best for us.

Questions for the month:

“Which section of the prayers will I focus on saying this month with understanding? Or, what can I do to enhance my prayers?”

“What issues are weighing on my mind that I can informally speak to God about?”

“Do I want to start saying the Psalms every day, with the goal of saying all of them over a month or a couple of months?”

“How can I enhance the reverence I show for the sanctuary?”

Kislev: Gratitude

During this month we celebrate the festival of Chanukah, which commemorates the miracle of the oil, the victory of the Maccabees over the Greeks and the rededication of the Second Temple. A key message of the festival is expressing gratitude to God for the miracles He performs for us.

Each day, preferably at the beginning of the day, spend time feeling grateful for the blessings your Creator gave you. (Many find it helpful to write down daily a few things they are grateful for and why.) Thank Him for His many gifts, for the bright side/silver lining of your difficulties, and for signs of His help amidst your challenges. Consider inputting this daily practice of expressing gratitude into your checklist.

In addition, express your appreciation to others. You can do this in person, on the phone, via an email or text, or with a written note.

For a discussion on gratitude, see, “The FAR Plan: Three Steps to Emotional Health” and “Lessons From Chanukah: Clarity, Purity and Joy.”

Questions for the month:

“What is something I am very grateful to God for? What can I say to Him to express my appreciation?”

“Do I want to spend a few minutes each day keeping a gratitude journal?”

“Who is someone who has helped me? How can I express my appreciation?”

Tevet: Faith

The month of Tevet encompasses two moods: Celebration and mourning. During the beginning of the month, we celebrate Chanukah, commemorating, among other events, the rededication of the Second Temple. Later in the month, on the 10th of Tevet, we fast and commemorate the siege of Jerusalem by the Babylonians, which led to the destruction of the First Temple.

In one month we commemorate two diametrically opposed events. Faith is the bridge between them. Even while we mourn an event which led to the destruction of the Temple, we have faith that like the miracle of Chanukah, another dedication of the Temple will occur, when the Messiah comes and dedicates the Third Temple.

Input into your checklist to do the following daily practice to enhance your faith: Think of a challenge and say to yourself:

“This is from God for my eternal benefit. Part of fulfilling my life’s purpose is doing what I can to overcome and grow from this challenge. This will work out in the end; either in this world or in the next. God is with me, giving me the strength and courage I need to triumph.”

Questions for the month:

“What life challenge will I use to help me strengthen my faith?”

“Is there an area of my faith where I have doubts and questions? If yes, who can I speak to for clarity?”

Shvat: Overcoming addictions

The 15th of this month is Tu B’Shvat, the New Year for trees. An aspect of this holiday is celebrating and elevating the physical. We elevate the physical by using it to enhance our spirituality; when the two work in harmony we live a balanced life.

This month, consider if there is an area of your life where your relationship with the physical has become unbalanced or a full blown addiction. Some of the things we can become addicted to: shopping, eating, video games, the internet, gambling, alcohol, cannabis, smoking, pornography, or drugs.

The first step to addressing an addiction is to realize if you have one. Any behavior that you would like to curtail or stop and are having difficulty doing so is an addiction. Write down the benefits you get from the behavior as well as the costs. Also write down your life goals: spiritual goals, interpersonal, family and career goals, and the type of person, spouse or parent you want to be. Now ask yourself, "Is this behavior negatively affecting my ability to achieve my goals?" If yes, is it worth it? If the benefits of the behavior are not worth jeopardizing your life goals, then make a commitment to either stop the behavior or set firm limits (depending on the type of addiction).

If an addictive behavior has already started causing harm, consider attending a 12-step group and/or seeing a recommended therapist who specializes in addictions. Seeing a psychiatrist may also be beneficial, as mental health issues can worsen an addiction and there are some medications that can help reduce the addictive urge. At a minimum, discuss the issue with someone you respect who has life experience and shares your values.

To prevent or address addictive behavior, put temptations out of sight as best you can. For example, many people struggle with internet use and social media. Install an internet filter to put limits on the time you spend online and block access to inappropriate sites. (Even if right now you do not have an issue with harmful internet use, damaging sites are only a few clicks away, which in a moment of weakness could lead to a full blown addiction; all because one did not take basic precautions to protect themselves and their children).

During addictive behavior, our sympathetic nervous system is stimulated and we seek additional pleasure/stimulation. This leads us down a slippery slope where increasing levels of the problematic behavior are needed to provide pleasure/stimulation. You want to short-circuit this pattern and instead of going down the rabbit hole of ever increasingly harmful behavior, you want to stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system through relaxing activities. The next time you feel an addictive urge, instead of giving in to it right away, delay it and look for a calming behavior to do instead, such as gentle stretches, going for a walk, especially in nature, or meditation. Even just being mindful of the present, and tuning into your senses and relaxing into the moment can help lessen an addictive urge. This month is a great time to begin or to strengthen a meditation practice, learning how to quiet the mind and calm the body.

In addition, commit in writing to concrete limits on the addictive behavior. Make it a doable limit but non negotiable. Gradually, increase the limits or reduce the frequency of the problematic behavior until you reach where you want to be. You can set consequences if you break your commitment, such as having to tell someone you respect that you broke your commitment or to give a specific amount of money to an organization you do not like for each lapse. For further discussion, see “Overcoming our Soft Addictions.” One form of addiction is overspending or running after money, see “The Spirituality of Money.”

Input into your checklist the behavioral change you will make for at least this month. At the end of the month, you will decide what your commitment will be for the next month.

Questions for the month:

“Is there an area of my life that has become unbalanced and excessive, which at the very least wastes my time? How will I rein it in and regain control?”

“Do I feel good about how I’m living my life? If not, what is one change I can make that would help me feel better about myself?”

“Is there an addictive behavior that I’m struggling with? With whom will I discuss the issue?”

Adar: Enhancing our health and joy

Our Sages teach that with the arrival of Adar we increase our joy, culminating in the festival of Purim. Purim commemorates the salvation of the Jewish people during the Persian exile.

The three core areas to enhance our physical health, sleep, exercise and diet, also enhance our emotional health and are the focus of this month. (During a Jewish leap year, the two months of Adar are both spent on this topic.) For additional suggestions geared specifically toward emotional health see, “The FAR Plan: Three Steps to Emotional Health.”

Pick one change you will make on a daily or regular basis, for at least this month, and using your checklist, track how often you do it. Some examples: Go to sleep 15-20 minutes earlier each week until you feel refreshed in the morning; exercise at least three times a week or go for a daily brisk walk; cut out sugary drinks and/or foods from your diet, limiting them to special occasions. Make water your preferred beverage. If you do not like the way your water tastes, consider a filter. Pick at least one concrete action you will take to enhance your health (or ideally one change for each of the three areas of sleep, exercise and diet) and input it into your checklist.

Questions for the month:

“What is negatively affecting my physical or emotional health and how will I address it?”

“What positive change will I make this month to upgrade my physical or emotional health?”

Nissan: Spiritual spring cleaning

During Nissan, we celebrate the holiday of Passover. On Passover, we commemorate the Exodus from Egypt. It is a time of freedom, when we free ourselves from that which brings us down spiritually.

Even today, many of us are still not yet completely free and are enslaved to our passions, to varying degrees. At the same time, we still maintain some level of moral purity. The goal is to upgrade our purity, thereby increasing our freedom. Do not let past behaviors or setbacks hold you back. Each day is a new beginning and an opportunity to start fresh.

When you prepare for the holiday by removing leaven from your house, also remove spiritual pollution. To whatever extent you’re ready, go through your books, magazines, music and videos, and get rid of those which are filled with profanity, lewdness or vulgarity. Use an internet filter to block inappropriate websites and be more discerning what websites and videos you expose your soul to. If you wouldn’t show it to a teenager, you probably shouldn’t be watching it either. Go through your wardrobe and donate to charity clothing that is unbecoming for you. If you have been lax in the laws meant to keep us on the elevated path, e.g., forbidden seclusion – yichud – or forbidden touching – negiah – now is the time to strengthen your observance and set redlines you will not cross. Staying away from temptation and impurity will enable you to have a closer relationship with the ultimate source of holiness and purity – God Himself.

An aspect of enhancing your purity is speaking in an elevated manner. Are there any words you choose to remove from your vocabulary, at least for this month?

Using your checklist, you can check off each day you succeeded in speaking in a refined manner and/or staying away from spiritual pollution (or limiting your exposure as best you can).

Questions for the month:

“What is a source of spiritual pollution in my life? How can I shield myself from it or at least limit my exposure?”

“How will I strengthen my observance of the laws of yichud and negiah?”

“What word(s) do I choose to remove from my vocabulary, at least for this month?”

Iyar: Enhancing our relationships

The period known as The Omer occurs during this month. During part of The Omer, we commemorate thousands of Rabbi Akiva’s students who died in a plague. The Talmud teaches that the plague occurred because the students did not treat each other with proper respect.

This month, we focus on treating others well and enhancing our relationship with them.

Our relationships play a pivotal role in either enhancing or negatively affecting our emotional, physical and spiritual health; toxic relationships drain us, while healthy relationships nourish us.

Make a list of your key family, work and social relationships. Decide which ones to strengthen or repair, which ones need better boundaries or for you to distance yourself from, and ways to foster new healthy relationships.

Input into your checklist the following practice or a related one: At least once a week, schedule one-on-one time with someone in your life to strengthen that relationship; silence your cell and give him or her your undivided attention.

In addition, this month, work on being less critical of others. Start by focusing on the person of whom you are most critical. Consider using your checklist and check off each day you were able to avoid criticizing them.

Questions for the month:

“Which of my relationships do I need to strengthen? What is the first step to doing that?”

“Which relationships need better boundaries or for me to distance myself from? What is the first step to doing that?”

“Do I want to form new healthy relationships? What are some ways I can do that?”

“Which person in my life am I most critical of? For this month, am I willing to commit to give them at least as much compliments as criticisms?”

Read up on the type of relationship you are currently dealing with. Here are links to Aish.com articles on specific relationships:

Dating

Marriage

Parenting

Relating to your parents

Sivan: Living the Torah’s wisdom

The festival of Shavuot occurs during this month. On Shavuot, we celebrate receiving on Mount Sinai the Torah, God’s instruction manual for life. Even those who are unaffiliated, without realizing it, observe part of the Torah. Take for example the 10 Commandments, many already believe in God, do not worship idols, honor their parents, do not commit murder, adultery etc.

Begin at whatever level of observance you are currently on, and pick one area you are motivated to strengthen this month. Preferably ask your Rabbi or spiritual mentor for guidance or you can focus on upgrading your observance of Shabbat or keeping kosher (take small, manageable steps you can build upon). At the end of each day or week, mark off on your checklist if you kept that observance.

Question for the month:

“What area of observance will I strengthen this month?”

“Which class, study partner or book will I utilize to learn more about Jewish observance?”

Tammuz: Forgiveness

On the 17th of this month, we fast to commemorate the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem before the destruction of the First Temple. This is the beginning of the period known as The Three Weeks which ends next month on Tisha B’Av, the day we mourn the destruction of the First and Second Temples. The Sages teach that a key reason the Messiah has not yet come to rebuild the Temple is because of the sin of hating one’s fellow Jew.

We are a small nation surrounded by enemies bent on our destruction. To defeat the hatred against our people, we must defeat the hatred within our people. This month, go out of your way to be forgiving and overlook the faults of others.

One of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s most transformative teachings is his emphasis on finding the good in ourselves and others (Likutey Moharan I, 282). A complementary practice is to realize that we all have difficulties and to feel compassion for our own challenges and for those of others. Each day, look for the good in yourself and others, and feel compassion for the struggles we all face. Then, you will be more forgiving and loving toward yourself and others.

Make a list of those who have wronged you or you hold a grudge toward. It can even be people you love, but who said or did something for which you have still not forgiven them. Using the techniques discussed in “The Freedom of Forgiveness: 3 Strategies to Letting Go,” see if you can be more forgiving of them. At times, you may choose not to forgive, but only to reduce the hurt that you feel.

To rid ourselves of hatred toward a fellow Jew, we need to do what we can to resolve our conflicts. Make a list of those with whom you are in conflict; this often includes family members and former business associates. Conflicts are messy and often both sides share some of the blame. Be courageous and take the first step by apologizing for your share in the disagreement and express your interest in making peace. Often, this will trigger the other party to apologize for their share and to accept your offer to put the matter to rest or work towards a resolution. 

Check off on your checklist each day you complimented someone, or at least spent time thinking about a person’s good points (including your own).

For additional discussion on the sin of hating one’s fellow Jew, see, “What is Your Number One Spiritual Stumbling Block?”

Questions for the month:

“Who in my life do I feel hatred toward or greatly dislike?” (Pick one person and depending on the situation, either work on forgiving them or on reducing the hurt you feel.)

“Who pushes my buttons? Can I focus on their good points and be more complimentary and understanding?”

“What is the first step I can take to try to resolve a conflict I have with someone?”

Av: Kindness

On the 9th of this month – Tisha B’Av – we fast to commemorate the destruction of the First and Second Temples.

Last month, we focused on forgiving others and removing hatred from our hearts. This month, we will focus on the next step, doing kindness and fulfilling the commandment to, “…love your fellow as yourself…(Leviticus 19:18).”

During this month, think about what you are doing for others. Are you giving to charity generously (according to your means)? Are you generous with your time and expertise? Do you give preference to family members in need (emotionally or financially) before helping others?

Each day this month, consider checking off on your checklist if you did an act of kindness; it can be something small. If the day is coming to a close and you have not yet done an act of kindness, ask yourself if there is someone you can call or email, who would appreciate that you reached out to them. At the very least, put some money in a charity box. Do not let a day go by without doing something for someone else. As the Sages teach, (Ethics of the Fathers 1:14), “…If I am [only] for myself, what am I?”

Question for the month:

“Who can I help and how?” (Some examples: Giving emotional, financial or physical support, advice, or helping someone find a job, a spouse or a needed resource.)

Next year’s cycle:

During the coming year, go through this cycle again, focusing on a different aspect of the 12 topics.

Each person working to strengthen their spirituality is like a single light, shining ever brighter, in a sea of darkness. The world is currently very dark. To overcome this, we have to focus not only on our own spiritual development, but also on that of others. Encourage your family members and friends to join us on this journey to spiritual strength. Together, we will light up the world and usher in the time when, “…The earth will be full of the knowledge of God, as the waters cover the sea (Isaiah 11:9).”

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