Updated Digest Version: How to Live Your Best Life: A 12 Month Plan

If you are reading this, you likely want to live a spiritual and meaningful life. The following 12 month plan based on the secular calendar is a roadmap to help you get there. This plan is for people of all faiths and therefore leaves out a discussion on Jewish observances or the 7 Noahide laws for non Jews, which are essential and discussed elsewhere.

This plan covers 12 themes, one theme per month. If possible, at the beginning of each month commit to doing a positive action over the course of the month. Make a weekly checklist with entries for each day, and each day or at least once a week, check off if you did that action. By making at least one positive change every month, you will transform your life.

Monthly Themes:

January: Physical and Emotional Health

February: Overcoming Addictions

March: Financial Health

April: Spiritual Spring Cleaning

May: Faith

June: Prayer

July: Kindness

August: Avoiding Harming Others

September: Forgiveness

October: Relationships

November: Gratitude

December: Life Assessment

January: Physical and Emotional Health

People’s New Year’s resolution often revolves around enhancing their health. Many of the things that enhance our physical health also enhance our emotional health, e.g., getting enough sleep, eating a wholefoods diet and exercising. Unless we make these three areas a priority, they are likely to fall by the wayside.

Pick one change you will make on a daily or regular basis, for at least this month, and using your checklist, track how often you do it. Some examples: Go to sleep 15-20 minutes earlier each week until you feel refreshed in the morning (if you find it hard to fall asleep, read up on strategies to address that), exercise at least three times a week or go for a daily brisk walk, limit or cut out sugary drinks and foods from your diet. Pick at least one concrete action you will take to enhance your health (or ideally one change for each of the three areas of sleep, exercise and diet) and input it into your checklist.

February: Overcoming Addictions

A spiritual life is a balanced life. In a spiritual life, we enjoy the physical but do not become enslaved to it. This month, consider if there is an area of your life where your relationship with the physical has become unbalanced or a full blown addiction.

The first step to addressing an addiction is to acknowledge that you have one. Any behavior that you would like to curtail or stop and are having difficulty doing so is possibly an addictive behavior. Write down the benefits you get from the behavior as well as the costs. Also write down your life goals and the type of person, spouse or parent you want to be. Now ask yourself, "Is this behavior negatively affecting my ability to achieve my goals?" If yes, is it worth it? If the benefits of the behavior are not worth the possible costs and jeopardizing your life goals, then make a commitment to either stop the behavior or set firm limits (depending on the type of addiction). If an addictive behavior has already started causing harm, consider attending a 12-step group and/or seeing a recommended therapist who specializes in addictions. At the very least, discuss the issue with someone you respect who has life experience and shares your values.

Input into your checklist the behavioral change you will make for at least this month. At the end of the month, choose whether to keep the same commitment for the next month or to modify it.

March: Financial Health

During this month schedule time to go over your finances. Look for ways to spend less, pay back loans and reduce debt. Work towards the goal of paying off your credit cards in full each month. Think of ways you can save money, living below your means.

Here are six ways to have a healthy relationship with money:

1. Be impeccably honest, with business associates, with the IRS, with family, with everyone. When in doubt about what is ethical, ask an unbiased knowledgeable third party to advise you. Return any money that is not legitimately yours. If you cannot do so all at once, come up with a payment plan to pay back the people you owe money to or have financially harmed.

2. Do your utmost not to fight over money. Either come to an amicable agreement or go to a third party to resolve the dispute.

3. Give generously to charity. The more your Father in Heaven has blessed you with resources, the more you should share them with His other children.

4. Live simply and below your means, saving money and investing prudently in a diversified portfolio.

5. Remind yourself that life is not about earning money. Keep your main focus on what is truly important in life. Then you will look back on your life with satisfaction and pride.

6. It is God who decides how much money you will make. Overworking, risky investments or shady dealings will not earn you more money in the long run. Have faith that if you make reasonable efforts, God will give you what you need.

This month, use your checklist to track whatever behavior relating to money that you are working on.

April: Spiritual Spring Cleaning

God created us to live elevated, refined lives. A life in harmony between the body and soul, between the physical and spiritual. The way we live refined lives is by engaging in elevated behaviors, such as prayer, observing the commandments, doing kind deeds, studying spiritual texts and avoiding degrading behavior, such as theft, immorality etc.

This month we focus on enhancing our morality. Our moral standing encompasses many areas: whether one exposes oneself to the lowest behaviors on the internet, whether one exposes oneself in public in the clothing one wears, and the types of behaviors one engages in or refuses to engage in except with one's spouse. Morality is not black or white. Whatever level you are on, work towards moving it up a notch, to act more dignified, more modest, more refined, more godly.

As much as possible avoid temptation, for example: avoid forbidden seclusion or forbidden touching with the opposite sex, install an internet filter, be more discerning of what types of people you date, have concrete red lines you insist your date respects and be careful with substances that impair your judgment.

This month is not only about restraint, it is also about filling your mind and life with godliness and spiritual teachings. If you have not already, make studying the laws and spiritual teachings from the Torah which apply to you part of your week or day. You will find that the more you enhance your morality and elevate your soul, the greater will be your thirst for the spiritual. The opposite is also true.

It is springtime, out with the old and in with the new. Whatever you did in the past is the past. Turn over a new leaf and begin with a fresh start. Make a specific commitment this month, with a concrete behavioral change, to bring more godliness into your life by enhancing your morality and studying spiritual teachings. Put your commitment into your weekly checklist.

May: Faith

Faith is the cornerstone of a meaningful life. If one does not believe that God created us, then life is random and pointless.

Input into your checklist to do the following daily practice to enhance your faith:

Think of a specific challenge and say to yourself: “This is from God for my eternal benefit. Part of fulfilling my life’s purpose is doing what I can to overcome and grow from this challenge. This will work out in the end; either in this world or in the next. God is with me, giving me the strength and courage I need to triumph.”

Ways to strengthen your faith: study spiritual teachings, speak to yourself words of faith in the moment that you experience or think about your difficulties, read Psalms in a language you understand, and speak to God in your native language. Ask God to strengthen your faith in Him and help you overcome your difficulties.

June: Prayer

Prayer is not meant to be reserved just for times of struggle. Make prayer an important part of your day. Do not let a day go by that you have not spoken to your Creator.

Prayer includes both formal prayers, such as those found in the prayer book and in Psalms, to informal prayer where we speak to God, preferably out loud in a private place, in our native language. Input into your checklist to read daily from Psalms and/or speak to God in your native language.

For Psalms, find a translation that resonates with you. One option among others is Psalms That Speak To You by Ytizchok Leib Bell. It is available in two formats, one with an interlinear translation, one without. You can read one Psalm a day (or less if the Psalm is a longer one). There is also a monthly cycle where you finish Psalms monthly. The key is not quantity, it is quality, to say the Psalms with understanding and preferably feeling.

July: Kindness

You want to achieve greatness?

Make a difference in people’s lives.

A person who focuses solely on themselves and their family, but does not think about how they can benefit others, will not reach even a fraction of their potential.

The rabbis teach in Ethics of the Fathers (1:2) that the world stands on three things: Torah, prayer and acts of kindness. We each need to do our share to help sustain the world by studying spiritual teachings, praying and doing acts of kindness.

There are two types of people: takers, where self-interest is the driving force of their life, and givers, people who look for opportunities to be of service to others. Which type are you?

Starting today, make sure you are among the givers. Each day, check off if you did an act of kindness, e.g., give someone a compliment, encouragement, give to charity, help someone find a job, a date, or call someone up who may be feeling lonely or down.

August: Avoiding Harming Others

Make sure to only be a force of goodness in people’s lives. No one is perfect though, and we are likely going to hurt people, often unwittingly. The key is to catch ourselves as soon as we realize that we have mistreated or offended someone, and to apologize and make amends if applicable.

The most common ways people harm others is financially or emotionally. Financial harm was addressed in March, but if there is anyone who you have harmed financially and you have not yet made amends, now is the time to do so.

There are a number of ways we may have caused others emotional harm: name calling, making hurtful comments, gossiping about them, yelling at them or being hypercritical. Being well intentioned is not an excuse.

This month, compile a list of those you have hurt. One by one, go through the list and apologize and make amends if applicable. If you have trouble with one name, skip it for now and come back to it later.

Each day check off if you were careful not to harm anyone (or if you harmed someone, you made sure to apologize).

September: Forgiveness

Last month you asked others for forgiveness. You now know how difficult it is to apologize. You had the courage to do so last month. This month we will explore the healing power of forgiveness. How it can bring healing into your life when you forgive others and yourself.

One of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s transformative teachings can help us forgive. He taught us to focus on the good in ourselves and others (Likutey Moharan I, 282). A complementary practice is to realize that we all have difficulties (and often a painful upbringing) and to feel compassion for our own challenges and for those of others.

Input into your checklist to look each day for the good in yourself and others, and to feel compassion for the struggles we all face (when you find yourself focusing on faults, shift gears to good qualities). Then, you will be more forgiving and loving toward yourself and others.

Make a list of those who wronged you. Go through the list and see if you want to forgive any of them or at least reduce some of the bitterness you feel. If you do but you are not sure how, see my article on my site, “The Freedom of Forgiveness: 3 Strategies to Letting Go.”

October: Enhancing our Relationships

In previous months we focused on doing acts of kindness, complimenting others, not harming them (including not being hypercritical), asking for forgiveness, focusing on people’s good qualities and forgiving others. In November we will focus on expressing appreciation. All these practices set the foundation for healthy relationships. Which one is your weak link? Choose this month one behavioral change you will put in your checklist to improve in that area.

Make a list of your key family, work and social relationships. Write one of the following letters next to each name. N for neutral, no action needed. S for strengthen, B for setting better boundaries and D for distancing yourself from that relationship, or at times making a clean break. Also spend time thinking about where you can meet new people to build new healthy relationships (or think of people from the past with whom you can reconnect).

Input into your checklist the following practice or a related one: At least once a week, schedule one-on-one time with someone in your life to strengthen that relationship; silence your cell and give him or her your undivided attention. Each day, even for a few minutes, talk to a friend or family member to share with each other how the day went. Social support is very important for our emotional and physical health; do not neglect it.

Relationships can be complicated. Read up this month on the type of relationship you are currently struggling with (including relating and being helpful to our parents and siblings). Here are links to Aish.com articles on specific relationships:

Dating

Marriage

Parenting

November: Gratitude

Each day this month, spend time feeling grateful for the blessings your Creator has given you. Thank Him for His many gifts, for the bright side/silver lining of your difficulties, and for signs of His help amidst your challenges.

In addition, express your appreciation to others. You can do this in person, on the phone, via an email or text, or with a written note. You can express appreciation for the help you received recently or for help you received in the past that was not properly acknowledged.

Related to gratitude is the practice of savoring and reveling in the good God has given us. During the day, savor your blessings: whether it is comfortable clothing and shoes, the ability to purchase things you want, sights of nature, tasty food, etc.

Input into your checklist the daily practice of expressing gratitude to God (preferably in a gratitude diary) and to those who help you during the day, as well as mindfully savoring your blessings (at least one a day).

December: Life Assessment

Look back at the year and think about your achievements and the challenges you overcame. Complement yourself; there is a lot that you have accomplished this year under challenging circumstances.

What do you want to accomplish in the coming year?

Schedule into your calendar or weekly checklist the activities that are most important to you and that will help you achieve your goals. The more time you spend on productive, meaningful activities, the closer you will come to living your best life.

This coming year, leave your comfort zone and take judicious risks in pursuit of your goals and of living your values. There are so many opportunities out there to enhance your life and the lives of others. With a prayer on your lips, go get 'em!


(For a discussion on observances and holidays which are essential to living a meaningful Jewish life, see my free e-book, Tapping Into the Power of the Jewish Holidays and Observances.)

Lessons From Chanukah: Clarity, Purity and Joy

Dear Friends,

Sunday night, December 18th, is the first night of Chanukah.

Lessons From Chanukah: Clarity, Purity and Joy

Happy Chanukah!

Yaakov

Free One Page Version of The SIMPLE3 Plan

Dear Friends,

The one page version to print and post in your home is free. I ask though, that you please subscribe to this blog before opening it (you can unsubscribe at anytime). To subscribe, type your email address in the box on your right and click on the "Subscribe" tab. You will receive an email with a confirmation link (check your spam folder if you don't see it). Please click on the link to confirm your subscription.

After subscribing to the blog, or if you're already subscribed, you can open the one page version here:

Digest Version of The SIMPLE3 Plan

If you'd like more info on working with me one-on-one, for tips and suggestions on how to personalize the plan for you, click here.

Thank you for subscribing to my blog and all the best,

Yaakov

Taking Refuge in a Sukkah of Faith

Dear Friends,

Here is an article for the holiday:

Taking Refuge in a Sukkah of Faith

Have a Chag Sameach!

Yaakov

You’ve Fallen But You Can Get Up: A Guide for Guys on How to Strengthen Your Observance

As religious guys get older, many continue to grow in their connection to Judaism, deepening their commitment to learning, davening and observance. At the same time, it’s not uncommon for some guys to fall spiritually. It might be a slight decline in religious observance and Torah learning or it might be a complete break from Orthodox Judaism. Single guys are often more prone to this but it can happen to married guys as well. It is often not a willful or theological decision. It’s just that temptations, distractions and social pressures slowly chip away at their observance, unless they take proactive measures.

A common occurrence are guys who drifted away from Judaism during their single years or were never solidly observant, but now they are starting to think about marriage. They realize that they want to raise their children in an observant home. If that’s you, you’ve come to the right place and this article will show you how to level up your observance in a doable manner.

No matter how far one has fallen, no one is too far gone. Everyone can do teshuva and repent. The main act of repentance is to just stop doing the sin or restart doing the mitzvot that one has lapsed in. Do not wallow in the past. Leave regret for Yom Kippur. The rest of the year, just focus on doing the best you can and starting fresh after a setback.

Sometimes a person’s religious observance lessens due to stress or emotional issues. Enhancing your physical and psychological health will make it easier to increase your observance. Three ways of doing that are exercising (including building muscle mass), eating healthy and getting enough sleep.

The most challenging part of increasing one’s observance is often changing one’s mindset. Instead of focusing on the negative and thinking of yourself as a lapsed Jew, focus on the positive and think of yourself as a Jew on the path to grow in his observance (at a pace that is doable for you). As you progress, you will then think of yourself as an observant Jew who sometimes slips up, a work in progress like the rest of us.

It is often much easier than anticipated to get back to an observant lifestyle. Just making a few changes can fairly quickly get you back on track. Judaism is about having a relationship with God, and like any relationship it is not all or nothing. There is nothing hypocritical about doing some mitzvot (or some of the steps below) and not yet doing others. Someone who asks, “Why should I eat Kosher if I'm not keeping Shabbat?” is like a diabetic who asks, “If I can’t stop smoking, why should I bother taking my diabetes medication?” Whatever you are able to do to enhance your spiritual health, do it and do it today.

Imagine a guy who withdrew a large sum from the bank and as he’s leaving he drops the cash and the money goes flying everywhere. Is he going to ignore all the bills, just because he won’t be able to retrieve every single one? Whatever mitzvah you are able to grab, grab it while you still can! Take the first step and God will help you come back home. Soon, it’ll be like you never left.

Here is an 8 step plan to get back on track. Even doing one step is a tremendous accomplishment. Do not fall into the trap of seeing a step that you think you will never be able to do and discarding all of them. Also do not fall into the trap of doing just a few of the steps and thinking, “I’m good. I did enough. I can stop now.” A person’s Judaism and connection to God is never stagnant: it is either getting stronger or weaker. Be among those who are getting stronger and keep moving forward on this journey.

8 Steps to Becoming Observant Again:

1. Find a rabbi. Have a rabbi (or at least a mentor who is learned) who you can ask for personalized guidance about increasing your observance and dealing with life challenges. There are many wonderful rabbis out there, ask around until you find one with whom you connect.

2. Spend time with like minded people. Make sure the people you socialize with do not bring you down or sabotage your spiritual growth. It can be very challenging to be an island of observance all by yourself. Seek out social connections to give you support and encouragement. You can meet new people through mutual friends, at shul or at events or classes. For those who are single, be selective who you date and make sure you’re compatible. Before saying yes to a girl, find out where she’s holding religiously and which direction she’s headed. (When in doubt about this or about applying any of the steps, speak to your rabbi or mentor.) Once you are living an observant lifestyle, you will be able to date high quality religious girls who will only date religious guys. (As part of your spiritual growth, upgrade your language and drop the profanity; it gives people the wrong impression about you.)

3. Wear tzitzis. It’s an easy mitzvah and they sell very comfortable ones. When you’re ready, wear a head covering. By wearing tzitzis and a head covering, you make a statement to yourself and to those around you that there is a God who created the world and whose guidance you follow as best you can. (Women make this statement by dressing modestly.)

4. Eat kosher. If you’re eating healthy anyway, you won’t have to cut out that much from your diet. Yes, it’s more expensive, but the same God who gave you enough money to afford your current expenses, will give you enough money so you can eat kosher.

5. Study Torah. You don’t need to be observant to benefit from Torah study. Learn with a study partner once or twice a week or preferably daily, a section of the Torah you enjoy learning. It might be Talmud, a commentary on the Parsha or Chassidus. You can find a study partner either through a local Kollel, Shul or through Partnersintorah.com. If possible, listen to a Torah podcast or read a sefer daily, even if only for a few minutes, perhaps during your commute or while you exercise. Include in your study the basic laws of Judaism, as there is much more to Judaism than what is included here. Two works to consider are Halacha 24/7/12 by Rabbi Aharon E. Marcus and Shaarei Halachah (It’s in English) by Rabbi Zeev Greenwald. Even if you are not currently observant but have a background in studying Talmud, consider learning the Daf Yomi, Amud Yomi or Mishnah Yomi. There are many wonderful teachers available, you can listen to their classes for free at alldaf.org or outorah.org. Two inspiring books not about Jewish law to consider are: A Bit More Advice, an anthology of the teachings of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, and Olam HaAvodah (English) by Rabbi Moshe Don Kestenbaum (among many other choices of amazing works on Judaism).

6. Put on tefillin daily. From there, gradually increase what you say during Shacharis or start your day strong and go to shul for Shacharis. When you are ready to build from there, start reciting Mincha and then Maariv. If at any point it feels too much, backtrack a bit and then start moving forward again. Find a Shul you are comfortable going to on Shabbos, feel free to come late in the beginning and then gradually increase going to Shul to once a day and when possible, for all three tefillos. Davening is hard for a lot of guys; do the best you can. If going to shul is very hard for you, skip it for now. Not going to shul does not make you non observant! Especially if you find it hard to connect to God during davening, spend a few minutes each day speaking to God in your native language, preferably alone and outloud. This will help you build a personal connection with God. Music can be a powerful tool to help us uncover our inner yearning for God. Try the music of Shlomo Carlebach, Eitan Katz or any of the other popular Jewish composers.

7. Keep Shabbos. This is not all or nothing; observe what you can and increase from there. Many have commented how spending time away from their phone and computer is very freeing. In terms of what to do on Shabbos: preferably, find a Shul you feel comfortable going to, even if only on Friday night or Shabbos morning. Go to places for meals where they host an authentic Shabbos seudah with song and Torah thoughts or host one yourself, get together with friends, periodically go away for Shabbos, set up to learn with a study partner, go for a walk and gather a pile of books to read that you’ve always wanted to read but never seemed to have the time.

8. Observe Yichud and Negiah. As with everything else, this is not all or nothing; do the best you can to observe the laws of Yichud, not secluding yourself with a girl who is forbidden to you or touching her (Negiah). For those who are married, speak to your rabbi about observing the laws of Family Purity. For those who are single, besides for the spiritual benefits of following these laws, it will also give you greater clarity as to who will be a more compatible life partner; your judgment will not be clouded by already being in a physical relationship.

Are you giving something up by becoming more observant? Yes, but you will gain a huge ROI. The effort you put into practicing authentic Judaism will yield priceless returns.

Each time you do a mitzvah or refrain from doing a sin brings you everlasting merit and brings your Father in Heaven pleasure, even if you stumble the very next day. You may ask, “What pleasure do I bring God? There are many people who are much more observant than me, what value am I to God?” Reb Noson of Breslov addressed this point in a letter he wrote (Healing Leaves: Prescriptions for inner strength, meaning and hope by Breslov Research Institute), “The essence of God’s greatness is that the very person who is most distant from Him and most attached to physicality can and should serve Him. Such service is God’s greatest pleasure and delight!”

Some observe mitzvot because that is what they have been doing their entire life and they never tasted sin. While they will be rewarded for staying away from sin, what you do for God is unique. When you do a mitzvah, you proclaim, “Even though I know the allure of sin, nevertheless, I still choose to do this mitzvah!” That brings God tremendous pleasure.

Think of this article as God’s reminder that He’s still waiting for you to come home. If He didn’t care how you lived your life, why would He have led you to this article?

No one knows how much time they will have in this world, grab that opportunity now with both hands!

Pick one of the above steps to start with. Choose the one that is easiest for you or that you are most motivated to do. There will be setbacks, but after each one, begin anew with a fresh start.

Right now, before you get distracted by something else, open your calendar and write in each month a different step to focus on. During that month, schedule in something tangible and doable related to that step (or work at whatever pace your mentor recommends). After each month, carry over the gains from the previous month and begin the new month with a fresh start. Once you’ve gone through all the steps, choose which specific steps need more strengthening and focus on them during the coming months. Soon, your life will be enriched and guided by the wisdom of the Torah. No matter how stormy life may be, a strong connection to God will be your anchor.

Even if right now, you choose not to increase your observance at all, at least start learning Torah. Eicha Rabbah (Petichta 2) writes, “We have found that the Holy One blessed be He overlooked idolatry, forbidden relations, and murder, but did not overlook disdain of the Torah, as it is stated: “...For what reason did the land perish?” (Jeremiah 9:11). It is not written here that it was because of idolatry, forbidden relations, and murder; rather, “...Because they have forsaken My Torah…” (Jeremiah 9:12).”

At all costs, do not forsake the Torah!

Please share this post with family and friends, and you can subscribe to this blog by scrolling to the top of the page on the right.

For more on this topic, see:

"We All Go Through Spiritual Winters. What to Do During Yours"

Elul: Repentance

Dear Friends, 

Elul is the month before Rosh Hashanah, and is the time of year we take stock of our lives and prepare for the High Holidays. Most of us have at least one area in which we struggle; perhaps it is being ethical in business, being moral, being charitable and kind, learning more Torah, refraining from hurting others, or an area of observance we are ready to strengthen. 

Pick one area on which to focus and choose a manageable change you will make on a daily or at least weekly basis; input this change into your calendar or checklist. If possible, speak to your rabbi or spiritual mentor for guidance. The focus on repentance continues into next month until after Yom Kippur.

During Elul, we ask others for forgiveness for the times we wronged them, as Yom Kippur alone does not atone for those sins.

The main ways people harm others is financially or emotionally. If there is anyone who you have harmed financially (for example, withholding money that belongs to them or using underhanded tactics) and you have not yet made amends, now is the time to do so. 

There are a number of ways we may have caused others emotional harm: making hurtful comments, gossiping about them or being hypercritical. Being well intentioned is not an excuse. There is often at least one person in our lives, whether at work, at home or in our family, that we are not treating appropriately. That has to stop. Now.

This month, compile a list of those you have hurt. One by one, go through the list and apologize and make amends if applicable. If you have trouble with one name, skip it for now and come back to it later. If you can’t think of anyone to apologize to, think about if there’s anyone you are in conflict with, or someone who is upset with you. While they may be partially to blame, likely you share some blame as well. If you take responsibility for your part, they will often take responsibility for theirs.

During the month of Elul it is customary to study works on ethical development. One classic is The Path of the Just by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto. You can either study it from the beginning, or start with Chapter 11, which covers key areas of conduct, and then go back and study the rest of this work. Chapter 11 can be found here. Another classic is Duties of the Heart by Rabbi Bachya ibn Pekuda. You can either study it from the beginning (the first gate is often not studied nowadays), or you can study the third chapter of The Gate of Introspection, where there is a list of 30 fundamental ideas. Aim to study one idea each day of Elul and finish it in time for Rosh Hashanah. You can read the third chapter in English here.

As the High Holidays involve reciting many prayers, for suggestions on how to enhance your prayers, see, “How to Unlock the Hidden Power of Prayer.”

Questions for the month:

“Which area do I struggle with that I’m motivated to address this Elul and what commitment will I make?”

“Who have I wronged but never apologized and made amends? When will I contact them?”

Have a great week,

Yaakov 

How to Bring More Blessing into Your Life

We all want to bring more blessing into our lives. Before Moses died, he told us exactly how to do that (Deuteronomy 11:26-28), “See, I am giving you today a blessing and a curse. The blessing (will occur) when you listen to the commandments of God, your God, that I command you today. And the curse (will occur) if you do not listen to the commandments of God your God and you stray from the path that I command you today…”

The truth of this teaching is easily observable. Spend time or a Shabbat meal with Jews who are doing their best to live an authentic, observant life. You will see that in general, those who live lives filled with mitzvot, learning, prayer and acts of kindness, are happier than those who do not. A Gallup poll confirmed increased wellbeing among practicing Jews.

I was recently in Passaic, NJ and spent time with some children who attend yeshiva there. They are being raised in a very wholesome environment. Their excitement about all things Jewish was palpable. They weren’t caught up in the toxic influences that unfortunately many children are exposed to nowadays. There was a different aura they gave off; one of purity and joy. They still had their innocence and sweetness.

In Rabbi Nachman Selzer’s fascinating book, Incredible! 2, he writes about Yossi Wallis. Yossi was at the pinnacle of material success and living a secular life of luxury in California. Yet he felt pulled to go back to Israel where he was born. It wasn’t a spiritual pull; it was something else. First, he realized in LA, where the Jews and non Jews socialized freely, that the chances of his children marrying non Jews was very high. But there was more and I quote, “It seemed pretty obvious to him that his kids would find their way to drugs and alcohol, just like so many of the teenagers living in their world. He looked at his cute little boys. So Innocent. So happy. So at peace with their lives. He pictured them in 10 years’ time, and he was filled with worry.”

Even as a secular Jew, Yossi realized that the life around him was not a life of enduring blessing. He ended up moving to Israel with his family and some time later they became observant. He is now a rabbi and the CEO of Arachim, a Kiruv organization based in Israel.

There is much depth and beauty behind the commandments. At the same time, do they all make sense to me? No. But you can’t argue with results. Compare those who live observant lives to those who do not. In general, who is more fulfilled, who has more nachas (pride) from their children? Which life do you want for yourself and your family?

Why the precise ingredients in Judaism work, I do not know. Only God knows. He created us and in the Torah taught us the optimal way to live. For thousands of years, His way has worked and His way will continue to work until the end of time.

Many see the benefits of an observant life but feel that it is beyond their ability. observance though, is not all or nothing. The more we observe, the more blessing we bring to our life. (This is not to say that observant Jews live a challenge free life, no one does and there would be no point to such a life. At the same time, regardless of the difficulties one has, a life of observance empirically yields greater fulfillment and greater protection from the negative influences of society than a life devoid of observance.)

Without realizing it, all Jews are already observing aspects of the Torah. At times, everyone eats kosher. On Saturday, no one is engaged all day in forbidden behavior. The key is to just widen the time and extent that one observes the Torah and to do so mindfully, because God commanded us. Even if one does not increase their level of observance one iota, but they start studying Torah regularly or send their children to yeshiva day schools and encourage them to study Torah in Israel post high school, they have made clear what their priorities are and what values they want to impart to the next generation.

Moses knew that a time would come when Jews would doubt their ability to follow the Torah and think it is beyond them. Before his death he urged them about the Torah (Deuteronomy 30:14), “Rather, the matter is very near to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it.”

Moses pleaded with the Jewish people to always remember that the Torah is within their reach, no matter how far they stray. The Torah’s wisdom is very near to you. As close as the food in your mouth and the thoughts in your heart. It is who you are.

But to connect with your essence at the deepest level, you must take the initiative. It is up to you to observe the Torah, one step at a time.

Some see the value of an observant life but aren’t willing to put in the effort. They want the benefits without the work. But as we all know, if you want something of value, you have to put in the effort.

Bilam, a non Jewish prophet, saw the benefits of having lived a righteous life. He said (Numbers 23:10),”...May my soul die the death of the upright, and let my end be like his.” He wanted the results of living an upright life but he didn’t want to put in the effort.

Bilam’s mistake was that while he perceived through prophecy that the righteous would receive reward in the next world, he ignored what was right in front of his eyes! That living an upright life also brings blessing in this world! Right here, right now.

 

Do you want more blessing in your life? Then start the journey today. Pick one small observance to take on or strengthen, find a class or study partner to learn Torah with, pray to God for assistance, and look for ways to do more acts of kindness.

One day, after you are well along the journey, someone may point at you and say to their friend, “You see that person? I want that type of life for myself.”