Monday, July 18, 2022

Living an Optimized Life: A 12 month plan to optimize your life with the power of spirituality

We all want to live a spiritual and meaningful life. The following 12 month plan based on the Gregorian calendar is a roadmap on how to get there. This plan draws from the timeless wisdom of the Torah and is for people of all faiths or no faith.


(Because it is geared toward both Jews and non Jews, a discussion of observances and holidays is left out. For that, see “The Chazak Plan: A 12 Month Journey to Spiritual Strength.”)

This plan covers 12 themes, one per month. If possible, at the beginning of each month commit to doing a positive action over the course of the month. Each day or at least once a week, check off on your daily checklist if you did that action. You can also use Google Keep, Evernote or other software to set daily reminders. By making at least one positive change every month, you will transform your life.

A major roadblock to success is not believing in your ability to succeed. You may think you are too far gone or just not able to make the changes necessary to get out of the rut that you are in. Remind yourself that there are people who had even greater setbacks and challenges than you who succeeded. If they can do it, so can you!


Use the power of imagery and every day imagine yourself making positive changes to your life. See yourself successfully engaging in the theme of the month and reaping the rewards.

While it is possible to do this plan yourself, it is best done with a partner who will encourage you and help you stay on track. Think about who you can ask if they would be interested in joining you and doing the plan together. Each week, discuss how you each did the previous week, celebrate success and encourage each other to stay on track or improve in the coming week.

Monthly Themes:

January: Physical and Emotional Health

February: Overcoming Addictions

March: Financial Health

April: Spiritual Spring Cleaning

May: Faith

June: Prayer

July: Kindness

August: Avoiding Harming Others

September: Forgiveness

October: Relationships

November: Gratitude

December: Life Assessment

January: Physical and Emotional Health

People’s New Year’s resolution often revolves around enhancing their health. Many of the things that enhance our physical health also enhance our emotional health, e.g., getting enough sleep, eating a wholefoods diet, exercising and reducing stress. Unless we make these areas a priority, they are likely to fall by the wayside. (Additional ways to enhance emotional health are discussed in this month’s reading.)

Pick one change you will make on a daily or regular basis, for at least this month, and using your checklist, track how often you do it. If you find the change very easy, add another one. Some examples: Go to sleep 15-20 minutes earlier each week until you feel refreshed in the morning; exercise at least three times a week or go for a daily brisk walk; cut out sugary drinks and/or foods from your diet, limiting them to special occasions. Make water your preferred beverage. If you do not like the way your water tastes, consider a filter. Pick at least one concrete action you will take to enhance your health and input it into your checklist.

God lent us our bodies to use during our lifetime and He expects us to take good care of them. During this month take an inventory of your physical and emotional help and see what areas need to be addressed. Many have nagging untreated health issues (e.g, early diabetes, high blood pressure, overweight etc). If you are not satisfied with your current healthcare practitioner, ask around to get a recommendation for a new one. Find a practitioner you can work with and starting this month, get on the path to increased health, with God’s help.

Questions for the month:

“What is negatively affecting my physical or emotional health and how will I address it?”

“What positive change will I make this month to upgrade my physical or emotional health?”

Readings for the month:

The SIMPLE3 Plan: 8 Steps to Emotional and Physical Wellbeing

The FAR Plan: A Three Prong Approach to Emotional Health

Personal Growth: How to Upgrade Your Skillset

February: Overcoming Addictions

A spiritual life is a balanced life. In a spiritual life, we enjoy the physical but do not become enslaved to it. This month, consider if there is an area of your life where your relationship with the physical has become unbalanced or a full blown addiction. Some of the things we can become addicted to: shopping, eating, stock/option trading, video games, the internet, gambling, alcohol, cannabis, smoking, pornography, or drugs.

Most of us have at least one area which, at a minimum, wastes our time and takes us away from more fulfilling activities. This month, pick one behavior to rein in and one behavior you would like to do more of instead. Take back control of how you spend your time and money and you will feel better about yourself.

One of the hardest parts in overcoming an addiction is admitting that you have one. If people close to you have raised concern about a behavior, do not brush them off. Seek out an unbiased third party you respect (preferably with the concerned party present) and ask them if you need help. 

It is also beneficial to make a cost/benefit analysis of the behavior. Write down all the benefits as well as all the downsides that can come with it. You might be surprised to see that the benefits of the problematic behavior are fleeting while very significant downsides are associated with it (either now or very possibly in the future). If even after realizing the behavior is not worth it, you have difficulty reigning it in, that is a sign you need professional help. 

If an addictive behavior has already started causing harm, attend a 12-step group and/or see a recommended therapist who specializes in addictions. Seeing a psychiatrist may also be beneficial, as mental health issues can worsen an addiction and there are some medications that can help reduce the addictive urge.

Time is one of our most precious commodities. This month is about taking back control of your time, not wasting it on destructive, mind numbing activities. To live an elevated life, we need to engage in elevated behaviors. Addictive behaviors are obstacles we overcome on our journey toward a meaningful life.

To prevent or address addictive behavior, put temptations out of sight as best you can. For example, if you have a shopping addiction, unsubscribe from sale notifications, do not window shop and make a list before entering a store of what you plan to buy and keep to it. For an eating addiction, make sure you only have healthy food in the house. It goes without saying that a problem drinker should not keep alcohol in the home. These methods alone will not cure the addiction, but along with other strategies will help you regain control.

Most people struggle with internet use and social media. Install an internet filter to put limits on the time you spend online and block access to things that take you away from living a spiritual and productive life. (Even if right now you do not have an issue with harmful internet use, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure).

During addictive behavior our sympathetic nervous system is stimulated and we seek additional pleasure/stimulation. This leads us down a slippery slope where increasing levels of the problematic behavior are needed to provide pleasure/stimulation. You want to short-circuit this pattern and instead of going down the rabbit hole of ever increasingly harmful behavior, you want to stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system through relaxing activities. The next time you feel an addictive urge, instead of giving in to it right away, delay it and look for a calming behavior you can do instead, such as gentle stretches, going for a walk, especially in nature, or meditation. Even just being mindful of the present, and tuning into your senses and relaxing into the moment can help lessen an addictive urge.

In addition, commit in writing to concrete limits on the addictive behavior. Make it a doable limit but non negotiable. Gradually, keep increasing the limits or reducing the frequency of the problematic behavior until you reach where you want to be. You can set consequences if you break your commitment, such as having to tell someone you respect that you broke your commitment or to give a specific amount of money to an organization you do not like for each lapse.

Input into your checklist the behavioral change you will make for at least this month. At the end of the month, decide what your commitment will be for the next month.

Questions for the month:

“Is there an area of my life that has become unbalanced and excessive, which at the very least wastes my time? How will I rein it in and regain control?”

“Do I feel good about how I’m living my life? If not, what is one change I can make that would help me feel better about myself?”

“Is there an addictive behavior that I’m struggling with? Is there a 12-step group I can try or an addictions therapist I can consult?”

Readings for the month:

Overcoming our Soft Addictions

How to Stop Hating and Start Loving Yourself

3-Dimensional Acceptance: A Pathway to Peace and Power

Who Are You? Getting in Touch with Your Essence

“Am I a Faker or a Genuine Person?”

March: Financial Health

During this month schedule time to go over your finances. Look for ways to spend less, pay back loans and reduce debt. Work towards the goal of paying off your credit cards in full each month. Think of ways you can save money, living below your means.

Was any of your money earned through questionable means? This is the month to straighten things out and return any ill-gotten gains.

Many give a percentage of their after tax profits to charity. Ideally 10%, but if you cannot afford that then give less. Look over how much charity you have given this year. Can you afford to give more? If not currently, then perhaps you have things in your house you can donate to those less fortunate or other ways of helping people.

If you are working, are you satisfied with your job or do you want to look for a better job, ask for a promotion or raise, get more training, branch out on your own or with a partner or make a career change? If you are looking for a job, which people or organizations can you ask for assistance? Who is someone successful in your field that you can ask for advice?

Here are six ways to have a healthy relationship with money:

1. Be impeccably honest, with business associates, with the IRS, with family, with everyone. When in doubt about what is ethical, ask an unbiased knowledgeable third party to advise you. Return any money that is not legitimately yours. If you cannot do so all at once, come up with a payment plan to pay the person back.

2. Do your utmost not to fight over money. Either come to an amicable agreement or go to a third party to resolve the dispute.

3. Give generously to charity. The more your Father in Heaven has blessed you with resources, the more you should share them with His other children.


4. Live simply and below your means, saving money and investing prudently in a diversified portfolio.

5. Remind yourself that life is not about earning money. Keep your main focus on what is truly important in life. Then you will look back on your life with satisfaction and pride.

6. It is God who decides how much money you will make. Overworking, risky investments or shady dealings will not earn you more money. Have faith that if you make reasonable efforts, God will give you what you need.

This month, use your daily checklist to track whatever behavior you are working on, e.g., each day you were mindful of your spending, each day you gave charity, or each day you did not spend excessive time pursuing money.

Questions for the month:

“Would I benefit from speaking to someone on how to advance my career?”

“Which of the six ways of having a healthy relationship with money will I focus on this month?”

Reading for the month:

The Spirituality of Money

April: Spiritual Spring Cleaning


The lives of animals revolve around survival. They focus on food, shelter and procreation. Unfortunately, some people spend their lives solely focused on the same. At the end of their lives all they will have to show for it is that they survived and passed on their genes. What is the point of that?

We are not animals. God created us in His image and gave us a soul and free will, a piece of godliness within each of us. For a human being to use their free will to choose to live like an animal, is an incredible waste of human potential and certainly not why God created us.

God created us to live elevated, refined lives. A life in harmony between the body and soul, between the physical and spiritual. The way we live refined lives is by engaging in elevated behaviors, such as prayer, doing kind deeds, studying spiritual texts and avoiding degrading behavior, such as theft, immorality etc.

This month we focus on enhancing our morality, doing a spiritual spring cleaning of behaviors that bring us down. The first step is to reduce our exposure to degradation. If we sully ourselves by watching and listening to vulgar material, which glorifies sinful behavior, when will we polish the gems that we are?

Our moral standing encompasses many areas: whether one exposes oneself to the lowest behaviors on the internet, whether one exposes oneself in public in the clothing one wears, and the types of behaviors one engage in or refuse to engage in except with one's spouse. Morality is not black or white. Whatever level you are on, work towards increasing it a notch, to act more dignified, more modest, more refined, more godly.

As much as possible avoid temptation. Some examples: install an internet filter, be more discerning of what types of people you hang out with or date, have concrete red lines you insist your date respects and be careful with substances that impair your judgment. 

Lastly, the words we speak affect our soul. When we speak uplifting words, we elevate our soul. When one speaks crude language or profanity, it sullies the soul.

This month is not only about restraint, it is also about filling your mind and life with godliness and spiritual teachings. Immorality forms a barrier between an individual and an authentic relationship with God. The more modest and moral a person acts, the closer they can invite God into their lives.

If you have not already, make studying spiritual works and listening to spiritual classes part of your week or day. There are many that focus on how to refine our character traits, and enhance our faith and connection to God.

It is springtime, out with the old and in with the new. Whatever you did in the past is the past. Turn over a new leaf and begin with a fresh start. Make a specific commitment this month, with a concrete behavioral change, to bring more godliness into your life. Put your commitment into your daily checklist.

Questions for the month:

“Which area of morality am I lax in?”

“What change will I make for at least this month, to strengthen that area and become a more refined and elevated person?”

“Which spiritual teacher or book will I study from on a regular basis?”

Readings for the month:

The 7 Noahide Laws: Elevating the Human Being.

Are You a Balaam, a Job or a Jethro?

“I Tried. I Failed. Now What?” 10 Ways to Recover From a Setback

May: Faith

Faith is the cornerstone of a meaningful life. If one does not believe that God created us, then life is random and pointless.

Input into your checklist to do the following daily practice to enhance your faith:

Think of a specific challenge and say to yourself: “This is from God for my eternal benefit. Part of fulfilling my life’s purpose is doing what I can to overcome and grow from this challenge. This will work out in the end; either in this world or in the next. God is with me, giving me the strength and courage I need to triumph.”

Some mistakenly think that faith is an on/off switch, either you believe in God or you do not. This is not the case. Faith exists on a spectrum, from weak faith where it remains purely intellectual to rock solid faith, where one’s faith informs one’s actions. More important than espousing faith in God, is acting with faith in God. If a person is dishonest or immoral, they can claim to believe in God, but clearly their faith is lacking. If they really believe that God observes everything they do, commands them to live a moral and ethical life, and will hold them accountable if they do not, how can they act the way they do? Clearly their faith is weak at best. But no matter how weak it may be now, as long as one is alive, one can still strengthen one’s faith.

It has been said that the longest distance is from the head to the heart. That is the journey we take with faith, to take our intellectual faith and make it a real, vibrant, heartfelt faith. A faith that guides our actions and lives.

This month, think about if there are any actions you are currently doing that are incongruent with your faith. Do you treat others right, especially those over whom you have power? Do you live a moral life? Are you ethical in business and when dealing with other people’s money? Is there anyone who is angry or upset with you? Even if they bear some responsibility, have you apologized for your share (if applicable)?

To begin the journey of strengthening your faith, study spiritual teachings, speak to yourself words of faith in the moment that you experience or think about your difficulties, read Psalms in a language you understand, and speak to God in your native language. Ask God to strengthen your faith in Him and help you overcome your difficulties.

Questions for the month:

“What life challenge will I use to help me strengthen my faith?”

“Is there an area of my faith where I have doubts or questions? If yes, who can I speak to to get more clarity?”

Readings for the month:

Is Faith Logical? One Answer in Ten Questions

How to Build Unshakable Faith

Nourishing Yourself with Faith during Difficult Times: Part I

Nourishing Yourself with Faith during Difficult Times: Part II

“Why?” 5 Reasons for Suffering

Adversity, Humility, and then Acceptance

June: Prayer

Prayer is not meant to be reserved just for times of struggle. Make prayer an important part of your day. Do not let a day go by that you have not spoken to your Creator.

Prayer includes both formal prayers, such as those found in the prayer book and in Psalms, to informal prayer where we speak to God, preferably out loud in a private place, in our native language. Input into your checklist to read daily from Psalms and/or speak to God in your native language.

For Psalms, find a translation that resonates with you. One option among others is Psalms That Speak To You by Ytizchok Leib Bell. It is available in two formats, one with an interlinear translation, one without. You can read a Psalm a day (or less if the Psalm is a longer one). There is also a monthly cycle where you finish Psalms monthly. The key is not quantity, it is quality, to say the Psalms with understanding and preferably feeling.

Questions for the month:

“Have I tried speaking to God nightly, in my native language, expressing to Him what’s weighing on my heart?”

“Do I have a translation of Psalms I like that I can read from daily?”

Reading for the month:

How to Unlock the Hidden Power of Prayer

What Happens to Our Seemingly Unanswered Prayers?

Everything Works Out in the End: Even when it doesn’t appear to

Surrendering to God: 3 steps to transcend your ego

Three Keys to Success: Persistence, Advice and Prayer

July: Kindness

You want to achieve greatness?

Look for ways you can make a difference in people’s lives.

A person who solely focuses on themselves and their family, but does not think about how they can benefit others, will not reach even a fraction of their potential.

The rabbis teach in Ethics of the Fathers (1:2) that the world stands on three things: Torah, prayer and acts of kindness. We each need to do our share to help sustain the world by studying spiritual teachings, praying and doing acts of kindness.

There are two types of people: takers, where self-interest is the driving force of their life, and givers, people who looks for opportunities to be of service. Which type are you?

Starting today, make sure you are among the givers.

A person can live what society considers a successful life, but if they have not made helping others a priority, they have failed. God destroyed the city of Sodom because, “...She did not strengthen the poor and the needy (Ezekiel 16:49).” Those who are self-centered and ignore the needs of others, bring destruction in their wake.

Input into your checklist to do acts of kindness and treat others well. Give people warm greetings, compliments and express appreciation. If the day is coming to a close and you have not yet done an act of kindness, ask yourself if there is someone you can call or email, to give emotional support or encouragement. At the very least, put some money in a charity box. Do not let a day go by without doing something for someone else. As the Sages teach, (Ethics of the Fathers 1:14), “…If I am [only] for myself, what am I?”

Questions for the month:

“What are my strengths and blessings? How can I use them to help others?”

“Who is one person or organization I will contact to see how I can be of service to them?” (Some examples: Giving emotional, financial or physical support, advice, or helping someone find a job, a spouse or a needed resource.)

Readings for the month:

What Motivates You to be Kind? Two Possibilities

​10 Signs You’re a Selfless Giver, 5 Signs You’re Not

How to Respond Effectively to a Tragedy or Crisis

Who Caused This Crisis?

Three Lessons I Learned from Sol Rosenkranz: Holocaust Survivor and Volunteer Extraordinaire

August: Avoiding Harming Others

Make sure to only be a force of goodness in people’s lives. One way we do that is through acts of kindness, the topic of last month. The other way is to ensure that we have not harmed others.

We are human and we are going to hurt people, often unwittingly. The key is to catch ourselves as soon as we realize that we have mistreated or offended someone and to apologize and make amends if applicable.

The main ways people harm others is financially or emotionally. Financial harm was addressed in May, but if there is anyone who you have harmed financially and you have not yet made amends, now is the time to do so.

There are a number of ways we may have caused others emotional harm: name calling, making hurtful comments, gossiping about them, yelling at them, being hypercritical, or ignoring them. Being well intentioned is not an excuse.

Usually there is at least one person in our lives, whether at work, at home or in our family, that we are not treating appropriately. That has to stop. Now.

This month, compile a list of those you have hurt. One by one, go through the list and apologize and make amends if applicable. If you have trouble with one name, skip it for now and come back to it later.

Questions for the month:

“Who have I wronged in the past but never apologized and made amends? When will I do that?”

“Which person in my life am I most critical of? For this month, am I willing to only critisize them if absolutely necessary and to give them at least twice as many compliments?”

“Who am I treating inappropriately? When will I apologize to them and make a commitment to treat them right?” (If you find that you backslide, tell them that you will give them an X dollar fine each time you treat them inappropriately and they should remind you of that commitment).

Readings for the month:

Repairing Our Mistakes: How to Ask for Forgiveness

You’re Not Arrogant, But Are You Truly Humble?

6 Ways to Kick the Criticism Habit

How to Give Constructive Feedback without Sounding Critical

6 Ways to Deal with Critical Family Members

September: Forgiveness

Last month you asked others for forgiveness. You now know how difficult it is to apologize. You had the courage to do so last month. This month we will explore the healing power of forgiveness. How it can bring healing into your life when you forgive others and yourself.

One of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s transformative teachings can help us forgive. He taught us to focus on the good in ourselves and others (Likutey Moharan I, 282). A complementary practice is to realize that we all have difficulties (and often a painful upbringing) and to feel compassion for our own challenges and for those of others.

Input into your checklist to each day look for the good in yourself and others, and to feel compassion for the struggles we all face. When you find yourself focusing on faults, shift gears to good qualities.Then, you will be more forgiving and loving toward yourself and others.

Make a list of those who have wronged you or you hold a grudge toward. It can even be people you love, but who said or did something for which you have still not forgiven them. Using the techniques in the reading for the month, see if you can be more forgiving of them. At times, you may choose not to forgive, but only to reduce the hurt that you feel.

Questions for the month:

“Who are the people in my life that I have not yet forgiven?” (Pick one person and depending on the situation, either work on forgiving them or on reducing the hurt you feel, as this hurt only harms you.)

“Who pushes my buttons? Can I focus on their good points and be more complimentary and understanding?”

“What is the first step I can take to try to resolve a conflict I have with someone?”

Reading for the month:

The Freedom of Forgiveness: 3 Strategies to Letting Go

Conflict Resolution: How to Win the Battle for Peace

Discover Your Inner Peace

October: Enhancing our Relationships

In previous months we focused on doing acts of kindness, complimenting others, not harming them (including not being hypercritical), asking for forgiveness, focusing on people’s good qualities and forgiving others. In November we will focus on expressing appreciation. All these practices set the foundation for healthy relationships. (If you are weak in any of those practices, you may decide to work this month on strengthening that area).

This month we will focus on two other areas of relationships. First, letting go of dysfunctional ones or setting better boundaries, and second, strengthening or initiating new healthy relationships.

Our relationships play a pivotal role in either enhancing or negatively affecting our emotional, physical and spiritual health; toxic relationships drain us, while healthy relationships nourish us. Relationships do not blossom on their own. We need to put in the effort.

Make a list of your key family, work and social relationships. Write one of the following letters next to each name. N for neutral, no action needed. S for strengthen, B for setting better boundaries and D for distancing yourself from that relationship, or at times making a clean break. Also spend time thinking about where you can meet new people to build new healthy relationships.

Input into your checklist the following practice or a related one: At least once a week, schedule one-on-one time with someone in your life to strengthen that relationship; silence your cell and give him or her your undivided attention. Each day, even for a few minutes, talk to a friend or family member to share with each other how the day went.

Questions for the month:

“Which of my relationships do I need to strengthen? What is the first step to doing that?”

“Which relationships need better boundaries or for me to distance myself from? What is the first step to doing that?”

“Do I want to form new healthy relationships? Where can I find like minded people with similar interests? (Some examples include asking friends to connect you with others, going to places where people volunteer, going on trips, retreats, classes, book clubs etc.).

Relationships can be complicated. Read up this month on the type of relationship you are currently dealing with. Here are links to Aish.com articles on specific relationships:

Dating

Marriage

Parenting

Relating to your parents

November: Gratitude

In the United States, the month of November and the holiday of Thanksgiving is associated with gratitude.

Each day this month, spend time feeling grateful for the blessings your Creator has given you. Thank Him for His many gifts, for the bright side/silver lining of your difficulties, and for signs of His help amidst your challenges.

In addition, express your appreciation to others. You can do this in person, on the phone, via an email or text, or with a written note. You can express appreciation for the help you received recently or for help you received in the past that was not properly acknowledged.

Related to gratitude is the practice of savoring and reveling in the good God has given us. During the day, savor your blessings: whether it is comfortable clothing and shoes, the ability to purchase things you want, sights of nature, tasty food, etc.

Input into your checklist the daily practice of expressing gratitude to God and to those who help you during the day, as well as mindfully savoring your blessings (at least one a day).

Questions for the month:

“What is something I am very grateful to God for? What can I say to Him to express my appreciation?”

“Who is someone who has helped me? How can I express my appreciation?”

“What is a blessing in my life that I can savor and be more mindful of?”

Readings for the month:

The FAR Plan: A Three Prong Approach to Emotional Health (see the section on gratitude and savoring)

How to Overcome Your Challenges: 10 Ways

December: Life Assessment


Two mistakes people often make in life are not clarifying their values, what is important to them, and not spending enough time pursuing those values.

Most of your values are likely included in the themes covered each month. The question is, are you spending enough time and energy on the values important to you?

If possible, schedule into your calendar or daily checklist those activities that are most important to you.

Look back over your year and think about your achievements and the times you lived your values. Take a moment to congratulate yourself.

Look over the themes of the previous 11 months, is there an area you are weak in that you want to make your New Year’s resolution and start strengthening this month?

Each year has its defining moments, choices we made that shaped the year and sometimes our lives. Those choices may revolve around issues of morality, ethics, relationships, opportunities to be of service or other areas. Often those choices involve short-term sacrifice and long term gain. In the coming year, be ready for those defining moments and make a choice you will be proud of. Your legacy, how you will be remembered, will depend on it.

They say that people often regret more what they did not do than what they did. For mistakes made in the past, we can apologize and make amends. But for opportunities we missed, how can we ever make amends?

By taking advantage of present opportunities, we make amends for past opportunities we did not seize. Be on the lookout for opportunities to add more meaning and spirituality to your life and be ready to leave your comfort zone to take advantage of them. This coming year, be bold, seek out and grab what is of value with both hands!

Questions for the month:

“During the coming year, what things do I want to spend less time on and what things do I want to spend more time on?”

“What is the number one goal I want to achieve this year and how will I do it?”

“In the coming year, in what ways will I go beyond my comfort zone to live my values?”

Readings for the month:

Clarity: 8 Ways to Get More of It

10 Things to Do Every day of Your Life

The Hidden Side of the Ten Commandments

Debunking 5 Myths about Repentance

Next year’s cycle:

During the coming year, go through this cycle again, focusing on a different aspect of the 12 topics.

Life is challenging and we all have our struggles. But no matter how your life is right now, more happiness, more contentment and more meaning are within your reach. Start today and embark on a journey to living an optimized life, one infused with the power of spirituality. During some months you will achieve more than others. But if each day, or at least each week, you stick to your commitment for that month, with God’s help, you will transform your life.

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